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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Sibling/parent visits to freshers?

18 replies

mytortoiseisill · 17/10/2021 10:41

If you have a fresher son/daughter are you visiting?

Ds1 is at Cambridge and seems to be enjoying it. I don’t want to visit nor does dh (it was an intense summer and we all wanted to “cut the cord” and I think we are all benefitting from some time and space apart.

However I know ds2 (16) would absolutely love to pay a visit over half term just overnight. Is this the norm?

What are other people doing?

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 17/10/2021 11:17

I don't think there is any 'norm' - each family just does what suits them. Parents visiting, or not visiting is fine. Ditto siblings.
I suppose your DS1 might need to check with his college if it would be ok to have an under 18 sib sleep on his floor for a night, if that's the plan.

Notagardener · 17/10/2021 12:53

Younger sibling and I are visiting during midterm, but just for the day.
During the summer holidays dc3 went on her own to visit dc1 overnight (but dc1 is 3rd year and not in halls anymore).

Not sure what is meant by "intense" but it has certainly benefitted our family for dc2 to leave the house, but a short visit should be fine for both of us.

AChickenCalledDaal · 17/10/2021 12:57

DD1 is second year but we are going to be near the University in half term so we're going to have a meal out. DD2 is also 16 and would like to stay overnight and play at being a student but sadly no overnight guests allowed at present. DD1 is fully catered and too law abiding to sneak her in and order pizza!

SpringSparrow · 17/10/2021 13:02

I doubt an under 18 would be allowed to stay in halls, but I guess it would depend on how much they check. At my dd’s university she had to check guests in at the porter’s lodge and they are not allowed to stay more three nights I think. No under 18’s allowed either. She’s five hours away. It was easier with my ds as he was only 2.5 hours away so a visit was doable in a day.

titchy · 17/10/2021 13:06

Ds, then 16, stayed with dd when she was in halls. A lot of her friends had their younger sibs to stay - they quite liked showing off their new found freedom! (Now roles are reversed and dd goes to stay with her brother now he's a student and reminisces about how good the student life is...)

Original poster
mytortoiseisill · 17/10/2021 13:07

Hadn’t thought of there being a need to sneak in.....thanks!

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 17/10/2021 13:08

No, because he’d rather come here. Popped in for a cuppa, to drop something off a couple of times though.

Ironoaks · 17/10/2021 15:11

DS is just over an hour away; we visit him once in the middle of the term. We usually stay for about three hours; we take him out for a meal, maybe do a little bit of sightseeing or wander around the shops.

If he were living at the other end of the country then it might be less frequent.

Ironoaks · 17/10/2021 15:17

Due to Covid restrictions, we have been meeting DS outside his college for the midterm visits. In pre-Covid times they encouraged students to invite parents for a dinner in formal hall, so I'm hoping to be able to do this at some point.

MargaretThursday · 17/10/2021 19:57

I stayed with my sister when I was 16, but that was right at the end of the summer term.
Cambridge terms are only 8 weeks, and very intense, so coming up in the middle might well not be appreciated. What does your older one say?
They're old enough so that they should arrange it between them if they both like the idea, rather than you thinking your younger one would love it.

PoetryLaser · 18/10/2021 09:49

Going to visit DD (2nd year) next week, but it's a touristy area so we will do our own thing and she can dip in as much or little as she wants too. We're staying in a hotel nearby, not actually with her in her house, obviously!
Last year in halls, all visitors were banned due to Covid and they had security on the gates to check ID and stop non-residents from entering the complex. I don't know what the rules are there this year. I only saw her accommodation at check in and check out.

MrsSkylerWhite · 18/10/2021 09:53

Last year in halls, all visitors were banned due to Covid and they had security on the gates to check ID and stop non-residents from entering the complex. I don't know what the rules are there this year. I only saw her accommodation at check in and check out.“

In our son’s halls, 6 visitors allowed together and 1 overnight Smile (north west).

Original poster
mytortoiseisill · 18/10/2021 10:03

aha - all much more complicated than in my day! I had a memory of various siblings arriving half way through the firm term but its accuracy may be questonable!

OP posts:
lanthanum · 18/10/2021 13:42

At least one college had the bright idea of having a "parents' dinner" in the October half-term - a formal hall to which students could bring their parents. It presumably meant that all the parents visited the same day, so the students weren't missing out on their normal social life, and it wasn't so embarrassing having them hanging around.
Probably not happening this year, given covid...

Ironoaks · 18/10/2021 14:16

@lanthanum

At least one college had the bright idea of having a "parents' dinner" in the October half-term - a formal hall to which students could bring their parents. It presumably meant that all the parents visited the same day, so the students weren't missing out on their normal social life, and it wasn't so embarrassing having them hanging around. Probably not happening this year, given covid...
That's the sort of thing I'm hoping for. It didn't happen last year, for obvious reasons.
ErrolTheDragon · 18/10/2021 15:42

We didn't get to go to a formal while DD was a student, but apparently she can take us along to some as an alumna.

Malbecfan · 18/10/2021 17:22

We went when DD1 was a fresher & DD2 was in y12 but DD2 didn't stay with DD1. We took my DF as the last time he visited Cambridge was in the early 1950s when his best friend was there. We stayed in a Premier Inn. We went to her college but didn't go into any buildings there. We went to a concert that a family friend's DD was involved in so had dinner with the friends & DDs in a pub. The final morning we dropped some shopping off for DD and left.

DH & I have subsequently been to a formal dinner and been to a parents' lunch aimed at freshers' families with DD2. Her college used to offer refreshments to parents when they are dropping off, so we did feel included. Now she's a postgrad, we haven't been back to her college yet as she is living in a privately rented house, but at graduation, the college bent over backwards to enable us to participate, despite Covid.

Darbs76 · 20/10/2021 21:32

When my eldest was at Uni 10yrs ago we all stayed the night on airbeds in his room (my kids were under 10 then!). No-one minded

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