Another path ....... the journey begins

[chopc]

Hello @321zyx @AvocadoPlant @bendmeoverbackwards @BigWoollyJumpers @Braveheart35 @calculatorqueen @ChimneyPot @Dobbyisahouseelf @Eastisup @jano69 @Majaso12 @MidLifeCrisis007 @NCTDN @Notagardener @OnTheBenchOfDoom @Parsonage63 @Pumpkintopf @Peaseblossum22 @quest1on @Peaseblossum22 @SATSmadness @SeasonFinale @Tenpastseven @Vargas @Xenia

Apologies for anyone I omitted to tag

@chopc

That's a big step *@BigWoollyJumpers* . Living with your boyfriend is different from another flatmate no?

But agree pros to having smaller shares as well.

It is, and I have all sorts of qualms about it.

The thing is, I met my DH in college at 18, we lived together in my family home from 19, (my parents retired abroad), bought our own flat at 21, and married at 23! Still together 30 years later. I know it is not the norm now, but they are both very much in love, are very kind, gentle people, and quite honestly I know (hope) they will look after one another. My oldest DD is frankly horrified, but she is very different to her younger sister.

My biggest issue I have, is that they will get too comfortable and not go out and about enough. Although to be fair, they each have their own groups and societies already, and don't spend all their time together by any means.

I don't know, I suppose all things considered, it is not a terrible thing. They are adults, and they must forge their own lives.

I like your stance @BigWoollyJumpers and amazing to know about your and DH

DD doesnt seem to be looking for accomodation yet. She has friends from different groups but isnt sure which she would want to share with. She doesnt think most people are looking yet, I hope she's right.
No reading week for maths students, so no plans to come home for a visit, we'll have to wait until christmas.
Seems happy though.

Ds is in Durham. Someone whose friend was organising Fresher stuff said it was a logistical nightmare as there were 1000 extra students to think about this year.

With this in mind and everyone already looking at houses as there are more students competing for housing, Ds has pulled the trigger and booked himself a single en-suite room in a block. He didn't want to have a find a bills included house, haggle over who gets which room and worry about whether someone is contributing their share of the rent. It also means we are guaranteeing him and him alone payment wise.

Lovely to think he will be home in less than 5 weeks. We have decided to go all out for Christmas, not presents wise, but decorating wise and trying to make it very festive.

@OnTheBenchOfDoom where has he booked his room?

I was keeping this option in the back of my mind if DS was too stressed or didn't manage to get himself sorted

@chopc he has booked Unite Houghall Court next to that massive sports centre for Durham uni. He looked at loads of others but they are all a massive trek back to lectures. He was specifically looking to replicate what he has now though, so en-suite and shared kitchen.

It is for 222 students and there are 73 rooms left, just looked. No deposit and cancellation up to 30th November. He just booked a room in a flat, didn't want to try to get specific people to share.

I had 2 lovely friends in first and second year, booked a shared flat for third year and they basically cut me out of the friendship so I went to the accommodation officer and said I still want the 3rd year room just a completely different flat. It was shit and I would rather be placed with randoms than choose and then get rejected. I think he felt the same.

Agree @OnTheBenchOfDoom
So much angst at Uni

DD had different angst at the weekend.
First they got evacuated for a bomb scare and then a deer got into their common room in the dorm and broke a window with his antlers. They had to leave via the fire exit and wait for environmental protection to shoot it with a tranquilliser.

Oh wow @ChimneyPot . Hope she is not too shaken

Blimey that is quite something @ChimneyPot !

Hi everyone. Lovely to see this thread is still so active and supportive. I’ve been off MN for a few months, so just skim read to catch up a bit, but sounds like they’re all doing great. DS returns tomorrow! He’s been three months teaching in a developing country and he says it’s been quite transforming, to say the least. But he says he’s never been happier than these last few months. He says he’s made friends for life and he had a different sense of purpose now. God knows where his head will be when he’s gets back, but he needs to get it in gear a bit for the C interview (assuming he gets one, of course). He’s applied to two other unis too, but will add Durham on when he gets back and also probably Bristol, so lovely to hear how they’re all getting on. He says now, he’ll be happy with any of them. He’s been in a country where there’s no education system really (well not in rural areas), so it kind of puts all the UCAS angst in perspective and has just made him grateful he has the opportunity for further education - wherever he ends up!

Not long to go now I guess before they’re all home from uni for Xmas. Time flies!

Nice to hear your update @quest1on and all the best to your DS

I think your approach is the right one @BigWoollyJumpers Of course we always worry about our dc, no matter how old they are, and if they are making the right decisions in life, but ultimately we have to step back and let them work it out for themselves. Your dd and her boyfriend sound like a lovely couple.

OMG @ChimneyPot how on earth did a deer get in??

Nice to hear from you @quest1on What a great opportunity for your ds, you're right about putting everything in perspective.

I can't believe this time last year we were all fretting about personal statements, Oxbridge applications and interviews. What a rollercoaster! Dd is so happy at Bristol and relieved she has a manageable workload at the moment (think at Oxford it's one essay/week!). It goes to show that things really do turn out for the best in the end (need to keep repeating this to myself about my youngest autistic dd).

Thanks Chop. And good to hear from you bend - we may well be taking a trip over to Bristol very soon!

To be honest, it’s been much less stressful doing it all this time round when they have their grades in hand and are not in the midst of mock exams, lockdowns, coursework deadlines, A-level cancellation announcements and all the uncertainty that was this time last year. That was a nightmare, looking back! It’s literally just been sending the UCAS off this time round and DS thousands of miles away throughout!

@bendmeoverbackwards your younger DD will be fine ...... she has you as a parent 🥰. Her path I am sure will be full of bends and challenges- it will still lead to a good outcome

Goodness me ChimneyPot, that's quite an ordeal! Hope she's okay.

Great to hear from you quest1on. Your DS has clearly matured and gained a wonderful sense of perspective from such a unique experience - well done him. Do keep us updated on his C application, we're all rooting for him. It must be quite different applying with grades in hand and having that genuine sense of "what will be will be" which only comes second time round. I'm sure C will view his gap year favourably.

So pleased your DD is happy at Bristol bend. I'm sure your youngest will do just fine with all your support.

DD is having a good time at Durham but I hear very little from from her so have given up messaging for the time being. Feeling quite hurt tbh.

Lovely to see you @quest1on !

@jano69 hugs to you. I know what you mean, it's hard not to feel their loss as they are having a great time and only bother to text for instructions on how to use the washing machine (if at all - your DD is probably more competent than my DS! At least I still get the odd text asking for cooking instructions 🙄). I know we just want them to be happy and teens are by nature incredibly self centred and our rational selves know that - but it's still tough.

Hello I was just wondering about Xmas ideas, as DD will be back. She had a difficult time settling in (London Uni all international in her flat not sociable). I was hoping for ideas for useful small gifts and how to make feel special when she comes back. I haven’t a lot to spend but was thinking of what to put in stockings? And a small pressie. I got another set of sliders for home use and that’s about it thanks

jano69 - I know exactly how you feel and it can be hurtful when they don’t contact you. DS has similar tendencies. All I can say though, is being self-absorbed is being part of a teenager! Also, it’s definitely a sign she’s enjoying herself and is swept up in her new life. I think I was the same when I went to uni ( mind you, in those days you had to queue for the phone in the college with the right change, so a bit different back then)!

Neapolitanicecream - Sorry to hear your DD. has been in an unsociable corridor. Hard to suggest gifts really, though In sure you can’t wait to have her home. What is she into?

@jano69 yes, I feel sort of similarly hurt by the lack of communication until they need something. DS1 rarely calls but messaged me 'urgently' this week as he needs some black clothing for a concert which he left here at home. DS2 is currently feeling ill (hopefully just a cold and not covid (again)) but wants to zoom with me and moan get love, sympathy and a Sainsbury delivery.

@Neapolitanicecream have unboxed you.

Christmas wise - does she have a (cheaper version of the) Oodie? Both my kids live in theirs - but we do live in an old, draughty house 😁. Does she like coffee? A gift card for eg Starbucks (whichever is her favourite) with a nice mug? Battery operated fairy lights for her room? Voucher for a photo book/photo prints for her room? Chocolate - nicer than she would buy herself. Cosy socks. Candles (battery ones if for halls?). Just trying to think what I've bought friends daughters who've gone off to uni that has gone down well - could be completely on the wrong track for your dd though!

*inboxed! 🤦🏼‍♀️

I’m finding the same about the lack of communication as well. Was going to go for another visit before she comes back for Christmas, but not sure if we will now. If she hasn’t got the time to text back, then maybe she hasn’t got the time to see us either!