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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

DS not enrolled 2nd year

21 replies

namechangl · 10/09/2021 07:24

I think DS has failed his first year at uni

He is incredibly laidback (lazy) but also has been reticent about telling me anything about his first year (online, from home)

Last night (after I had booked accommodation for the new academic year), he showed me an email from uni saying he has not been enrolled for the upcoming year but he would be allowed a chance to resit some exams.

This means he has failed, doesn't it?

I don't understand how this resit will work - it's not happening until Nov / Dec

Does this mean if he passes that he will go into 2nd year in Sept 2022?

He is going to call uni this morning.

I'm at my wits end with him. He scraped entrance to uni and I thought it would be the wake up call he needed.

I have suggested perhaps university isn't the place he should be and maybe look at starting work (full time) until such time when he matures and feels he wants to go to uni.

But he is adamant he wants to go to uni, maybe switch courses.

I don't think switching courses will help if you aren't essentially prepared to put any work in.

No idea what I'm asking, maybe a hand hold

OP posts:

LadyWithLapdog · 10/09/2021 07:29

Hand hold here. You probably want to scream but try and be practical and help him decipher whatever he needs to do. He’s got himself in a right mess and behind that facade of nonchalance he’s probably really scared. I feel for you both. (It’s the kind of thing my DS would have done but, luckily, we’re a couple of years ahead in terms of maturity.)

orangejuicer · 10/09/2021 07:30

It depends on the course and the subject but he may have had the option to resist elements/modules alongside the second year stuff. It's not that common though. I would suggest he contacts his department office to clarify.

Switching courses will not help him, he'll be lucky if they take him.

Original poster

namechangl · 10/09/2021 07:50

Thank-you - yes - I want to scream

I thought letting him almost fail (A levels) would wake him up but it doesn't seem to have taught him anything.

I agree that changing courses now isn't the best either.

I can't work out how they would allow him to resit alongside doing 2nd year if email says he is not enrolled.

I feel sick and pretty helpless.

OP posts:

Chemenger · 10/09/2021 08:06

If he resits in December and passes then he’ll start second year next September. I would imagine that the university has considered all options, including carrying courses into second year, and this is what they are prepared to offer. It’s not unknown for students to resit like this successfully, if they are motivated to recover the situation. I think that carrying courses, especially more than one is riskier, unless there is a clear reason for the failures and that reason has now gone. So a student who was ill in the first term and is now fully recovered and has done very well later in the year (although I would expect them to have passed summer resits). He should be looking for a job now, with a view to saving some money for when he returns. The discipline of work is also good preparation for a better year next year. He probably needs to do a bit of growing up in my experience of students in this situation. The year out will also give him a breathing space to think seriously about whether this course is really what he wants and if not to look at changing course or university. Looking forward in my experience this type of situation is not a long term blight on career prospects.

Original poster

namechangl · 10/09/2021 08:10

Thanks @Chemenger - that sounds like what I thought

Resits in Nov / Dec
Start looking for work now for a full year
Hopefully re-start in September next year

I don't know if I could have him living at home with me for another year though - he needs to leave home to grow up and for my own peace of mind

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 10/09/2021 08:30

Yes he’s failed, so they won’t put him into the second year as it’s pointless if he can’t achieve the first years work, every year gets considerably higher. It’s like failing gcses and then doing a levels in the same subject. Pointless.

The question is op how is he going to get himself up to the level to pass? You forget a lot and if he’s not got a plan it’s likely he will do even worse next time.

Chemenger · 10/09/2021 08:38

The good thing at the moment is that most lectures were recorded last year so resitting students have access to the whole of the course. It will need regular work, if he relies on cramming just before the exam he’s doing mount himself to fail again. I remember sitting down with one student who took a resit year and worked on building sites as a labourer, good money but hard work. He came back highly motivated to not go back to labouring. He breezed through the rest of the course and got a good job in the end.

Chemenger · 10/09/2021 08:39

And in the summer before he goes back he should revise the stuff he has passed to get a good start in second year, otherwise he will be behind the other students.

Original poster

namechangl · 10/09/2021 08:53

Thanks @Chemenger - good advice

OP posts:

Whereto · 10/09/2021 08:56

Maybe he isn’t academic and he’d do better on an apprenticeship? I wish these had been available when I was young. Parental pressure meant that I went through university even through I didn’t like the academic work, when actually I’m really good at hands-on, practical and artistic stuff.

Original poster

namechangl · 10/09/2021 09:05

I have suggested apprenticeships and also other qualifications and other routes.

In his head, he seems to see university as the be all and end all.

He is academic but lazy. Puts no effort in, everything is last minute.

Doesn't and hasn't learnt from failure.

I now think a full time entry level job might be the only thing to give him some discipline and routine.

He can then decide after working for a year or 2 if university is for him.

OP posts:

Whereto · 10/09/2021 09:23

@namechangl

I have suggested apprenticeships and also other qualifications and other routes.

In his head, he seems to see university as the be all and end all.

He is academic but lazy. Puts no effort in, everything is last minute.

Doesn't and hasn't learnt from failure.

I now think a full time entry level job might be the only thing to give him some discipline and routine.

He can then decide after working for a year or 2 if university is for him.

That’s a good idea. I would argue that if he doesn’t like reading or studying or doing class work, no matter how intelligent he is, he isn’t really academic (at the moment - we all change!).

Is he unmotivated and sad because of the pandemic? Or has he always been like that?

Is university the be-all-and-end-all because that’s all he’s been modelled by family and peers? That was my life. And I did go, but I found the lessons and the work dull and painful and definitely “belonged” somewhere else.

UnfinishedBunting · 10/09/2021 09:24

He does sound like an apprenticeship would suit him. Otherwise, he absolutely needs to get his finger out and pass his re-sits.

OnlyFlans · 10/09/2021 09:30

If he's lazy then an apprenticeship isn't the answer at all.

They are really hard work - the 'day job' and academic work on top of that- and apprentices are expected to be motivated, engaged and up for learning.

That doesn't sound like your son at all from what you've posted.

Onelifeonly · 10/09/2021 09:31

Unless there's a massive back story, it seems a bit harsh for you to say you don't think you can't bear him living for another year at home? I know lots of late teens and early twenty year olds, both at university and in work, who live with their parents.

Good idea for him to have at least a year working though. See if he even does the resits. It's up to him really and he has to work out what he wants/ is prepared to do. If you are pushing him, you're enabling the lackadaisical attitude he has.

MindyStClaire · 10/09/2021 09:40

I would have a conversation with him about what he wants to do. It does sound like a general problem, but it's very hard to study something you're not interested in. Encourage him to actively think about whether he wants to do this for another three years. No sense in scraping passes and hating every minute.

Which modules did he enjoy, which did he hate, which did he find difficult. Will the things he dislikes or finds difficult fall away or will they increase in importance? To what extent will he be able to choose modules in later years, and what's availability like - will he need top marks to get his first choices.

Where does he see himself after uni? What are his alternatives?

He won't know all the answers but they're the kind of things he should be thinking about.

Original poster

namechangl · 10/09/2021 09:44

His lack of daily ambition stresses me out.

Stays up late, sits on Xbox, goes out to his friends late at night

Rolls out of bed in the afternoons

He needs a hard reset and I'm not sure I'm the right person for the job.

I had to nag him to get a part time job which he finally did only when his grant money ran out.

I have no idea what his motivation is and I have left him to his own devices this year because I felt he had to sort himself out. It obviously hasn't happened.

OP posts:

Dozer · 10/09/2021 09:45

My sibling was like this - many moons ago! - and was in this situation at end of first year (minus the covid studying from home!) Parents said they wouldn’t fund sibling (living expenses) to continue on the same or another course unless they committed to studying properly.

Sibling decided to drop out and got a job near friends at the university, lived with students. Worked hard and has done well in their career, decent progress, pay etc. Does regret not having done a degree as this has closed some doors workwise.

Charlotte2020 · 10/09/2021 09:55

Sounds similar to me at uni. I realise now (15years later!) that I went because I didn't want to be at home and didn't know what else to do. And everyone went. I scraped a third. Total waste of time and money!
As no one at uni pushes you or keeps tabs, you get to the end of the year and a surprise! You've failed!
It might be worth discussing career options. There are so many apprenticeships now for every career going. I wish I'd done that as I'm bright, just not terribly academic.
Good luck! If he's anything like me he's probably feeling worried, a bit lost and frightened about what to do.

Original poster

namechangl · 10/09/2021 10:09

@Charlotte2020 - yes, you've probably summed this up well

He doesn't want to stay as all his friends are at uni in our home city or away but he won't put the work in at uni.

OP posts:

Boadicea2 · 10/09/2021 10:18

Something similar happened with my DS. In his case he screwed up his second year - not entirely his fault as I felt at the time the university could have given more support and he didn't appear to have understood that failing a module meant he could not progress.
He could have re-sat but after a years break he enrolled onto the second year of a related course at the same uni and subsequently did very well.
Of course this does mean he used all of his 4 years student finance.

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