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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Anyone else not accompanying there DC to a uni tour?

38 replies

NewYearNewTwatName · 19/06/2021 12:15

DS1 is off today to have his in person tour of his chosen Uni. He's quite independent in doing stuff like this, but needs hand holding and support in other areas of his life which we give in buckets.

I'd love to go, but when he booked it he didn't say it came with a plus one, since finding out I could go, I offered if he wanted me there, but said he's fine and happy to go alone. I think he will be fine too, and I think he would find it awkward me being there, in fact when I said I would really like to go, he sort of said as much Grin.

after the tour he's off to look at his accommodation too.

I presume other parents will be there with their DC, and DS will be alone. apparently he again is fine with this.

How many people don't go with their DC?
I feel a bit shit, but at the same time really happy he is so independent.

OP posts:
Delphigirl · 19/06/2021 12:30

Totally normal to go alone. Lovely that he is gaining in independence and obviously excited about this next stage in his life!

Boredof2020 · 19/06/2021 12:37

If it helps my daughter went alone as well. She said she didn't need us, well she needed us to take her but nothing more

Stevenage689 · 19/06/2021 12:37

Of course its fine to go alone. I think the odd ones are the parents who do accompany young adults to uni days!

MaMaD1990 · 19/06/2021 12:45

I went alone to mine and I MUCH preferred it than being chaperoned by my (what I thought at the time) very embarrassing parents. There were a few others going solo too and I bumped into some classmates visiting the same day which was nice.

mammmamia · 19/06/2021 12:50

20 years ago I went to all of mine alone or with friends, my otherwise very involved parents didn’t feel the need to come, but nowadays it seems the norm to go with your DC!

mammmamia · 19/06/2021 12:51

My mum drove me to some of them and waited in the car Shock

Original poster
NewYearNewTwatName · 19/06/2021 12:56

Ahhh thanks, makes me feel a bit better.

I thought it was the norm now that parents went (I know it never use to be) and to be fair I hadn't thought of going until I found out there was a plus one place. Which then made me question if I 'should' be going.

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bowchicawowwow · 19/06/2021 13:56

I drove my DC there but waited in the car for him while he went to do the talks and tours etc. I did wonder if I had done the right thing when I saw family groups of mum, dad plus siblings all looking round together. DS was more than happy to go alone though!

DahliaMacNamara · 19/06/2021 15:43

It's normal either way, I think. DD recently went alone to look around her prospective Oxford college, and arranged a tour guide by herself. When DS was doing (considerably more) visits a few years back, we sometimes went along and sometimes didn't, though we were never with him all day.

aibutohavethisusername · 19/06/2021 17:36

DD went on her own when she was looking. She is at UCL now… I’ve still not seen the Uni.

HazyDaisy123456 · 19/06/2021 17:48

Totally agree with this and have first hand experience of the latter in recent times.

20 years ago I went to all of mine alone or with friends, my otherwise very involved parents didn’t feel the need to come, but nowadays it seems the norm to go with your DC!

Original poster
NewYearNewTwatName · 19/06/2021 19:56

Thanks everyone for reassuring me it's normal and I'm not a shit parent.

He's back, and no one in his small group tour had a parent with them so definitely the right call.

I've been so excited for him all day, he loved the uni and was wowed by its facilities. The accommodation was perfect and he took a lot of time chilling and exploring the local area.

Top off his day with a trip to Leicester square to get a Father's Day present.

I so want to be young again Grin

OP posts:
Hoghgyni · 19/06/2021 20:10

DD went to Warwick by herself as she could get there & back easily & I had gone on a cruise for a couple of nights. I took her to Oxford. DH took her to Durham. We all went to York, but only stayed for a couple of hours and treated it as a city break. She didn't go to an open day at Edinburgh, as it was too far away to justify another trip. There wax a mix of young people, their 0parents and wider families (siblings & even grandparents) at each.

BackforGood · 19/06/2021 20:42

Glad he had a good day, and great if that is what he prefers to do, but he will have been in a very small minority, going on his own.

Original poster
NewYearNewTwatName · 19/06/2021 21:03

BackforGood
well that was my worry, but as it turned out he wasn't the minority, as no parents were in sight Smile

OP posts:
Bobbybobbins · 19/06/2021 21:23

One of my parents drove me to my open days but they went off to get lunch. I remember my dad doing a cost comparison of lunch in various cities Grin

Now that I teach sixth form I once took a group of year 12s to tour an Oxford College on a widening access day. I did all the tours as I am very nosy!

Original poster
NewYearNewTwatName · 19/06/2021 21:27

Bobbybobbins
that's the best way to be nosey, just drag a load of kids with you Grin

OP posts:
DahliaMacNamara · 19/06/2021 21:30

There are pros and cons. DD wanted to spend the day her own way, and not be constrained by parental limitations or suggestions. It was entirely her decision, and she didn't regret it. If we'd been there she'd have had a more comfortable visit, with nicer food, and been able to go home when she'd had enough rather than wait around for her booked train. But with middle aged annoying people trailing her most of the day.

Original poster
NewYearNewTwatName · 19/06/2021 21:37

DahliaMacNamara
yeah DS will always prefer other issues rather then the 'suggestions' and "middle aged annoying people trailing him" (Love the sentence, it sums up the reality of what would have happened perfectly) Grin

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Original poster
NewYearNewTwatName · 19/06/2021 21:39

and well done to your DD for organising her tour and heading off on her own too Smile

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AdvancedHigher · 19/06/2021 22:13

I thought they were only doing Virtual Open Days now? Or are you talking about travelling and just looking round the outside of buildings? My child would need to overnight in a hotel to visit the Universities they’re interested in and it’s tricky getting accommodation alone when you’re under 18.

Original poster
NewYearNewTwatName · 19/06/2021 22:47

DS university has an proper open day coming up soon for the 2022 prospective students.

DS was invited to book a tour of the university, as it's his firm choice, they are able to provide these small group tours now for the students who have already applied but missed out on open days due to covid.

The accommodation. We made our choice online which is very difficult, but with lots of research reviews, and you tube reviews. When the travel restrictions lifted he checked out the areas and outside the halls, before he decided. again the Hall could offer him a actual tour now.

Lots of uni are now having open days again, I know Hull Uni have one coming up on the 26 June.

OP posts:
Original poster
NewYearNewTwatName · 19/06/2021 23:01

ok I just checked not lots of universitys, sorry.

Shame that some can organise it in a safe way and others can't, and are sticking to virtual.

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 19/06/2021 23:40

I certainly did mine on my own and travelled there on my own for my first day.

Is it more a thing to have parents accompany you now?

One of my tours included a night in the student accommodation after a night in the student bar, not sure that would have been so much fun with parents tagging along!

RampantIvy · 19/06/2021 23:47

@Stevenage689

Of course its fine to go alone. I think the odd ones are the parents who do accompany young adults to uni days!
No. That wasn't our experience at all. When DD and I attended open days there were a lot of parents there.

It didn't help that Northern Rail were on strike every Saturday at the time so the only way to get to open days was by car.