@NormaSnorks
OP here - popping back.
@zazas - interesting to hear your experience, thanks! You see, this is exactly what I am worried about - that DS will flounder terribly, but will not even realise he is floundering until it is too late.
I'm in two minds about the email thing though. How will he ever begin to take responsibility for himself and learn coping strategies if he always knows I am checking his email to make sure he doesn't fail.
It's so hard. DS currently forwards any remotely serious-looking emails to me and I've spent the last year telling him I only want him to forward them with a quick oneliner about what he thinks he needs to do about it.
What hope is there for him in the future if he can't develop some of these executive function skills? He can't forward his emails when he starts work! 
Just to be clear, I want to be supportive, but equally I need DS to transition to dealing with stuff himself.
Oh I completely understand! That was my approach when he started last October, to allow my DS to manage it himself and therefore learn to develop his own skills with regard to processing information. He was keen to do so too…I have now re thought my support of him.
We had explored his independence a bit when my DS did a Foundation Year 2019/2020. The tutors kept me in a loop to a degree, although he mostly managed to keep on top of everything - however the BIG difference being that he was seeing them nearly everyday and therefore conversations and support for him happened naturally - as he constantly asked for help - something he has no problem doing so when he is actually physically with people. Then there was covid and the remainder of the year was all online, although he did complete what was required of him.
It is worth noting that he did during this period miss a course trip to Barcelona as he forgot to follow up the form they gave to him to register for the trip and by the time he remembered it was too late. I thought that maybe this would be a good 'learning' experience to encourage him to be more aware of what was happening (I have to admit I was aware of the trip but was waiting to see if he would take the initiative to follow it up). All it did however was make himself feel upset which led him feeling a sense of unworthiness etc.
A long story short, his first year at university he has attempted to manage it all himself but he has basically been unable to. I was under the impression that he had signed up to Disability Services which he honestly thought he had as well. He was definitely getting some tutor support but it wasn't the dedicated Disability Support that he required. He is doing Fine Art, so a practical course but he has had no studio work this year, therefore no direct interaction with his tutors - the style of learning he flourishes best under.
I completely understand the need for him to learn how to manage himself and full credit to him he has developed so many skills to help him with this. He has alarms for everything so he remembers stuff, has tiles attached to his wallet, keys etc so he can track down what he looses, etc but it comes a quite a big cost to his sense of self esteem and mental health as he constantly feels that he is failing when he forgets or looses things.
So (together with his course leader) we have decided that the next academic year, that having me looped into his emails is just an extra element of support - not that he is no longer responsible for himself and his studying. I am not on the moodle system they use, so can't see what work has actually been set. But I do have a clearer idea of what is happening and will support him with timelines etc.
My thoughts are that he has a lot to manage already living independently - which he has done so far with varying degrees of success. Including managing new relationships, navigating a new city (he is in London), working part time etc etc etc. Therefore if I can be of help with regard to the most challenging part - supporting him with managing the workflow/timelines with regard to his degree, then I think this will ultimately provide him with the support he still requires at this stage in his life. I certainly can't do the work for him!
It is interesting that I employ quite a few staff who are also dyslexic and I also change my managing style to support them. We use communication platforms that enable them to consume the information easier and I encourage them to structure their workflow in a way that is logical to them. It is not without its frustrations at times but I try and look at the skills that they bring to their jobs and support them in the logistics of delivering them. Their skills far out weigh their sometimes lack of logistical approach to their work!
I think my experience with my DS this year (he did end up with serious mental health problems as it became so overwhelming for him to manage this online learning experience) has made me aware, that it is OK to support him with logistics, that it doesn’t mean he isn’t capable or won’t ever be fully independent, he just needs elements of support in his life, like someone with a physical disability. As long as he retains his sense of self worth and confidence in his ability to deliver what he can do well then I feel that ultimately he will be fine in the long term.
I am with you as a parent - it is not easy getting the balance right but I am 100% not going back to this past year and not supporting him where he needs it but also remaining optimistic that overtime he will develop further resources in order to find ways to support himself.