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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Parents guide on what to - first child going to Uni in Sep 2021

55 replies

portico · 18/05/2021 20:06

Hi all
I am clueless, and need someone to please advise if a good website.

DS1 is going to Uni in London in Sep 2021. I need to find a noddy parents guide on what we need to under the following themes, and anything else you may think I have missed:

  1. Admin,
    A) getting tuition fees physically paid, when does this happen. Can I pay myself or does it need to be a loan. Can feed be paid monthly.
    B) how do we get accommodation in halls booked, and when. How do we pay, can we pay monthly.
    C) Who gets the correspondence with the Uni, my son or me as the parent

  2. Onboarding
    A) Is there any other part of the onboarding process I don’t know about?
    B)

OP posts:
Delphigirl · 18/05/2021 20:08

Lost me at onboarding!

Let your son sort it all out.

SometimesRavenSometimesParrot · 18/05/2021 20:29

@portico

Hi all I am clueless, and need someone to please advise if a good website.

DS1 is going to Uni in London in Sep 2021. I need to find a noddy parents guide on what we need to under the following themes, and anything else you may think I have missed:

  1. Admin,
    A) getting tuition fees physically paid, when does this happen. Can I pay myself or does it need to be a loan. Can feed be paid monthly.
    B) how do we get accommodation in halls booked, and when. How do we pay, can we pay monthly.
    C) Who gets the correspondence with the Uni, my son or me as the parent

  2. Onboarding
    A) Is there any other part of the onboarding process I don’t know about?
    B)

In terms of admin: A) you should have already applied for student finance. If you haven’t, do it ASAP. As part of this you apply for the tuition fee loan to cover the tuition costs your son will incur. The tuition fee loan is paid straight to the university. You can pay it yourself, but it’s not the best use of money - see Martin Lewis for more info. If you do choose to pay it yourself, it would usually need to be paid termly, not monthly. B) information on accommodation will be on the university website. The process varies between institution. You pay the provider (uni or private) directly and again this is usually termly, to fall in line with student loan payments. C) your son gets the correspondence. To put it bluntly, his uni course is nothing to do with you. He’s the one who applied, received offers, firmed offers and enters into the contracts with uni, student finance and accommodation. I don’t mean that unkindly - it’s a big adjustment but one you need to get your head around, and your son needs to get used to doing things for himself. Uni won’t speak to you about any elements of his course, unless he specifically opts for you to be able to and even then it’s only generally if there is a concern for his well-being - you wouldn’t get a call to tell you he’s missed a lecture for example.

I’m not sure what you mean by on boarding? There’s lots of different bits in the run up, the student finance application, results day? Happy to answer any questions you have though!

steppemum · 18/05/2021 20:40

OK,
My ds is also off to uni in September.

He has received all the emails telling him when to apply for finance etc, so I am not sure why you haven't heard about any of this? Is he getting stuff and ignoring it?
The school has been talking to them non stop, and then cc'ing us in in emails so we know the deadline dates too.

The deadline for student finance is 22nd May, so you need to send in the application asap otherwise it is not guaranteed in place by September.

Once he has firmed up which uni he wants to go to, then the uni should send him details of accommodation, it is up to him to book it.

As PP have said, now is the time to step back.
I have talked to ds about pros and cons if options and costs (eg catered accommodation or self catering) and he has made the decisions. This is now up to him.
One of the best things about uni is that they are responsible for everything themselves, but within a structured environment. You do him no favours by doing it for him.

Help him compile a check list and then be there for advice if he asks.

steppemum · 18/05/2021 20:40

and what on earth is onboarding?

portico · 18/05/2021 21:52

Thanks all. Am watching Martyn Lewis now.

Btw, onboarding really means the application and acceptance process - my bad on the wording I used

OP posts:
titchy · 18/05/2021 22:10

Your son should have this all in hand. Talk to him. He needs to sort out loan, accommodation etc. NOT YOU. If he can't manage basic admin like that how on earth is he going to manage at uni.

Your job is to make sure he can cook a few basic cheap meals, budget sensibly, work a washing machine, have an awareness of how often bedding and clothing needs washing, and has sensible attitudes to sex, drugs and alcohol.

Pyewackect · 18/05/2021 22:18

My dd is going in September, deferred from last year. It’s local so she’ll be catching the tube. I’ve let her do all the sorting out. FIL is paying her fees. It was only yesterday she was at nursery: where did all that time go?.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 18/05/2021 22:35

My youngest two (one about to graduate, one finishing her first year) both sorted everything themselves. They chose which unis to visit, completed the forms and personal statements with support from school and we helped with the logistics of open days etc.

We supported their applications for Student Finance and drove them to their accommodation at the start of the course and that was it. My son who is graduating got married at the end of his first year and moved into the flat that he was going to share with his wife with help from local friends. My daughter who is finishing her first year is staying in Halls. She and her friend are moving their stuff into their new flat as soon as their exams are over and they are sorting it all themselves.

portico · 18/05/2021 22:43

What do we mean by Student Finance? Does Student Finance include both Tuition Fees and Living Maintenance Fees

OP posts:
user1487194234 · 18/05/2021 22:45

FGS let him sort it out himself

steppemum · 18/05/2021 22:50

@portico

What do we mean by Student Finance? Does Student Finance include both Tuition Fees and Living Maintenance Fees
unless his school has been asleep for the last year, or he has slept through every conversation about it, he should know this.

So, ask HIM - ds what is student fincance?

Ds had to apply himself and send us links for us to put in our income etc.

You are doing a great job of ignoring all the people telling you to let him do it.

Seriously. He has to do it.

chopc · 18/05/2021 22:50

@portico - yes student finance me as tuition fees as well as Maintainance loans.

Martin Lewis does say 87% of students never repay their loan. However if your DC are targeting a high earning career such as in finance/ law and are likely to earn more than £40k, then in my opinion if you can afford to fund them then it's not cost effective to get the student loans either for maintenance nor tuition fees. The reason being that the interest rates are higher than most other loans.

chopc · 18/05/2021 22:54

It's all very well everyone telling portico to let her DC do it. We don't know what kind of person he/ she is or if they have any SEN or any other reason why they may not be aware of this information

My very academic driven DC has not mentioned student finance once. Probably because we come from a background where parents pay for education until kids have their grown up jobs.

portico · 18/05/2021 23:01

Tbh, DS has been doing the groundwork; our focus had been on a level mini assessments abs other things. We are prioritised go it to be done Wed/Thu. It is I who is clueless, and not my son.

Thanks for the advice. The gov student loan website, Martyn Lewis videos and your responses have helped me a lot - compared to where I was 2 hrs ago.

Goodnite all 🙏

OP posts:
BackforGood · 18/05/2021 23:17

Everything Titchy said.

Surely your ds has been supported through all this by his school ?

However, if you are looking for a website, and / or a Facebook Group, there is one called WIWIKAU (What I Wish I knew About University) that you might like - it was set up by 2 parents who hadn't been to University themselves and who wanted to be able to ask "silly questions" in a safe space.

Martin Lewis is well worth listening to for all financial advice.

UCAS also do webinars and live chats on their facebook feed.

portico · 18/05/2021 23:25

Thanks. I will check the WIWIKAU Facebook Group

OP posts:
motogogo · 18/05/2021 23:29

Firstly it's university, university is for adults, if your son is mature enough (legally and mentally) to attend university, he's capable of reading the ucas website that explains finance. All correspondence is to your son because he's the applicant. The only but you complete is student finance if he's applying for the means tested portion of the loan (he'll need to provide your contact details)

The fees (unless you are from overseas) are paid directly from student loans so forget about that, accommodation varies by university, he'll be sent the details. And seriously if he cannot work this out, think about a gap year because he will struggle to live independently, my dd had a gap and to be honest should have had 2 or 3 because at 18 they are not all ready. Your role as a parent is purely financial and transportation at university

MarchingFrogs · 19/05/2021 06:49

On the question of the maintenance loan, if you can see from the tool on the website www.gov.uk/student-finance-calculator that your household income means that your DS will only get the minimum, there is no need for him to give your details or for you to go through the process, only for him to be told what you have already worked out. It does make the process quicker. However, if it's not obvious, it's worth him indicating that he does want to be assessed for as much of the full amount as available.

The deadline is to have funding guaranteed to be in place for the start of term- the application can be made at any point for months yet, but I have to say that I have just nagged DS2 again about getting his application in...

RampantIvy · 19/05/2021 07:18

@portico

Thanks. I will check the WIWIKAU Facebook Group
You will get more help and support on there than the mumsnetters whose DC magically know exactly what to do.

I'm sorry you have had some really unhelpful answers on here.

At this point of university applications DD was up to her ears in A level revision and exams, so I did the student finance application for her.

Xenia · 19/05/2021 07:43

I am not sure why some are saying leave it to the child. We both work full time and all 5 of our children are just about all through university and we are the opposite of helicopter parents and yet certainly were involved in helping with some of these things.

  1. Admin, A) getting tuition fees physically paid, when does this happen. Can I pay myself or does it need to be a loan. Can feed be paid monthly.

Unusually I chose to pay the fees and maintenance so on the UCAS form when my children applied they ticked a box I think saying no student finance. My son and I grappled over that as obviously we did not want to pay a foreign student fee of £15k - the £9250 is the UK student subsidised figure but agreed no finance was the correct box. Their private school said even there it was rare to do that and as said wisely above most people take the loans and plenty never have to pay them back and they are more like a student tax. The repayments are about 9% on earnings over £26k. So for say a newly qualified city lawyer on £100k (which would have been my lawyer daughters and hopefully my 2 law student sons) would be about 9% x £75k - £6750 year and double if your pay went up to £200k which is sometimes does with lawyers. However we are a rare case.

Also as Mr Lewis also says there is no point taking the fees loan but not the maintenance as it is not a normal loan. Whether over 3 year you borrow £50k or £30k it is still 9% "tax" on your over £26k earnings or whatever the current levels are. So unusually for loans your "interest" does not differ depending on size of loan.

Lost of better off parents find their child gets for rent/food about £4k rather than double that for children of the less well off so the parent makes up the difference between minimum and maximum loan. This is the same as for me in the 1980s - parents made up my very very very small minimum maintenance grant up to the "full grant" level. Then and now however parents have no legal obligation to do so.

Can you pay monthly? For the rent in year 2 and 3 in private accommodation - yes it is monthly to the landlord. For halls in year 1 cannot remember - probably once a term? For the fees for the few parents paying direct - I am not sure. I think I just paid it all in term 1 as I had the money and wanted it over with.

B) how do we get accommodation in halls booked, and when. How do we pay, can we pay monthly.

On payment - see above. On booking at Bristol where 3 of mine went it was when they had firmed their first choice I think it was or once the offers were out from the university. I cannot remember. I see the website today says - " Applications for rooms in our postgraduate residences for the 21/22 academic year are now open. Offers will be made on a rolling basis from 21 June. "

Making applications from 21 June I think coincides with when all offers are out and students will have picked their first choice (the one usually where you apply for accommodation) and their back up choice of university.

C) Who gets the correspondence with the Uni, my son or me as the parent

Your son. As I was paying fees and rent etc for my children I had to make sure I actively asked the children what emails had come in and to check things a bit although as they knew they were hugely lucky I was paying they were certainly on the ball in keeping me informed.

  1. Onboarding A) Is there any other part of the onboarding process I don’t know about?

As you will know once the results are out in August they then know where they are going if they meet their offer etc or go into clearing. I cannot remember when you hear about rooms but before then as you see above about Bristol, by June you will have applied to halls in the university of first choice. If you don't get first choice you then apply in August for second choice halls. If neither (my older son) then you apply for all once you have a place in clearing for the university.

Once they know where they are going it is worth looking at term dates on that university's website and reminding them to look at their emails. In non covid times we turned up at the allocated halls on the appointed day and I hung around at the back and the student lines up to get papers and a room key and then goes to the room with the parent with all the stuff so lots of carrying boxes up stairs and there may be a talk for students or parents and then I tended to go right home due to lack of time, work and other children. Some parents stay and take the child out to lunch or cry or whatever. These days I expect the drop offs are very staggered and briefer.

chopc · 19/05/2021 08:06

Very informative @Xenia . Thank you!

RampantIvy · 19/05/2021 08:32

Great Post @Xenia.

I do wish that some mumsnetters wouldn't assume that all DC magically turn into responsible, confident and mature adults the second they turn 18 who know all about dealing with life admin.

You don't stop being a parent once your DC become legally adult.

We let DD get on with it and only step in if she asks for help, and yes, we get involved with student finance applications because DD is entitled to more than the minimum maintenance loan.

TeaAlwaysTea · 19/05/2021 08:36

@portico sometimes I really hate the attitude of well your child is 18 (not yet in my case) and so they must do everything by themselves.

We sat with Ds1 who will be going to uni this September whilst he filled in the finance stuff just as an extra pair of eyes, just like Dh and I do now for visa stuff etc. It isn't because he is incapable but because it is something you can experience with them and he wants to share. My parents were totally hands off which I hated and Dh's parents were very much hands on through this process mainly because they were fully funding him. Wink

UCAS send emails to your son which has the student finance application link on. Ds's was sent on 31st March. Your son needs to create a folder which all UCAS emails go into so he doesn't lose them. There will also be one with his student reference on for when he opens a student bank account. Martin Lewis on MSE has details on the student bank accounts. I believe most students open them after results day as they need to be 18 and provide details of their confirmed place at uni. I also think they need to be opened in person.

Accommodation depends on the university they are going to. My niece has already booked hers, Ds is going to Durham so that is a collegiate one so he already has a place there and Ds will get more details on this after results day. Some unis only want you to apply for accommodation after results day some want to know now, you or your son need to look into that.

There are videos on YouTube by uni students who vlog about their lives, you may find it helpful to watch anyone who has started at your son's uni. There are also packing for uni videos, uni hauls, what to take and what not to take etc. Ds found them helpful he is a planner.

Admin wise Ds has google drive so already has a password protected area in that with a scan of his passport in, his Denplan details in case he needs dental treatment. This was already set up as he went on a school trip abroad many years ago now. He will be adding in screenshots from emails/UCAS, insurance when he gets that for his room contents etc so he can access them from any computer or his phone.

He is knee deep in exams at the minute so anything we can do to help him we are doing. Yes he is capable but why would we add to his workload?

Cover household chores over summer - cooking, cleaning, shopping for food and budgeting, laundry, how often stuff needs washing, food storage in fridge/freezer how to do it correctly and safely. Learning to pay attention to when shampoo is running low or toilet roll etc and learning to be organised so student planner/diary or app. Does he have everything he needs for his course? Laptop? And breathe! I have photos of my parent's hall full of bags and boxes of my stuff for going to uni. It was the making of me and I had a blast.

TeaAlwaysTea · 19/05/2021 08:36

I forgot to say, as always Xenia is a fucking legend.