DS not working as he should

[ALevelhelp]

Hi

I just wrote a gigantic post and it vanished so here's a summary-

DS is 17. First year at college. Did well in GCSE's - mainly 7-9's. Taken on 3 A Levels which are predicted to be A/B

One A level (Maths) is a real struggle. He achieved an 8 at GCSE. He's currently on track for a D/E.

He puts in minimal effort, the absolute basic. Would never not do homework, but it's rushed, and would rarely do anything additional to homework (practice papers etc) even though it's expected.

He enjoys the social side of college - his time table means most days only one 2 hour lesson. So lots of free "study" time - not for DS. That's time for socialising, sleeping and definitely not studying.

His teacher is frustrated. Says he's very rusty. Beginning of the year gave him the benefit of the doubt - 6 months away from studying due to Covid etc- except he hasn't improved.

His usage of time is pretty dire - for example gives himself entire school hols off even though he has homework and exams straight after. Weekends are for a good time too.

I feel there's a balance- it's not healthy to only focus on studies, socialising is important too, but he hasn't got a balance.

I don't like nagging. He's nearly an adult and I can't force him to work, but he knows I'm disappointed. When we talk about it he behaves crestfallen - like he's doing so much work and it isn't good enough for me.

He has high aspirations in life - wants to go to Uni, get a good job and earn lots of money. However his attitude to learning doesn't match that IMO

We've told him to come to us if he needs anything - equipment, nagging etc but there's nothing.

What do I do, or say? Just leave him to it? Have a go? I just know how disappointed he's going to be next summer

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

Thank you all for your replies, it's been really helpful to hear others opinions.

I'm going to look into a tutor, that sounds good

We've had a bit of a chat this afternoon and whilst I didn't feel we got that far (he tends to batten down the hatches), he knows he can come and talk to me. We'll help with whatever he needs, he just needs to ask

@EduCated

This was me, although luckily I managed to scrape the grades for my uni offer. My first maths module I was on 96/100. The last I barely scraped 40. It was, however, still enough of a scare to make me work harder at university.

By far the biggest thing for me was that I didn’t know how to revise. I coasted GCSEs and was at a low-performing school where time and effort went to getting people to pass, rather than helping the more able hit higher grades, so I’d never really spent time being shown or learning how to revise.

People would say ‘do past papers’ but I’d do them, look what I’d got wrong and think ‘right, I see that now’ and move on. I didn’t know how to take that and apply it. Posts like mumneedswine’s would have been alien to me.

If you’d have asked me, I’d have said I knew how to revise. I don’t really know what the answer is - asking for support on that would require some umph and motivation on his part. I do think it’s times like this that it’s a shame we don’t have the AS format any more (in England).

Yes! DS is terrible at revising, always has been, however in the past it didn't matter so much and he always came out with top grades (top 5% of his strong maths year) with very minimal revision - he was the envy of his friends.

Now it's got tough and he just doesn't know how to revise properly. I'll give him him due, he did revise for a recent test, but that was probably 5 hours revision over a week - not really enough IMO

He can't do well in maths if he doesn't put in the work.

I had a similar experience to your son, coasted through high school, scored high on gcses with minimal effort, picked some a levels, and assumed I was headed to university. But by the time I got to 17 I was just so fed up with studying, so fed up with homework and grades and exams and all of that, and just far more interested in the bunch of friends I made in college, the pub, boys, all of that. The concept of university felt a million miles away, and to be honest, A levels were boring and harder than I expected them to be, I had no idea what studying really entailed because I'd never really needed to before, and so eventually I dropped out. My mum told me, after I finally confessed that I hadn't been to college for several weeks, that I could drop out if I wanted, but if I wanted to live in her home then I was going to either go back to college or get a job and contribute. No way was I going to be sitting on my bum doing nothing all day. So I hunted for a job, and found one. Eventually went back to college in the evenings to do a levels, and am now doing a degree through the OU and planning on doing a masters next.

My point with all this is that he is probably looking at this from a different perspective to you, and he has no idea what long term inpact his choices might make. He can't see that at the moment, he just doesn't have the perspective. But it's also not a zero sum game. He isn't going to be cut off from the world of academia if he doesn't go to university when he turns 18. The 12 years I worked in my job after I ditched college were enormously educational for me, and I have a much better understanding of what I want from a degree now, than I did when I was 18, with zero life experience. Yes there have been times when I have wished I went to uni when I was 18, but I made the choices I made and I'm comfortable with where I am in life now as a result. I also learned to fail and recover, to make decisions and gain perspective, and to be pragmatic about where those decisions led. Ultimately you can share your experience and knowledge but at his age you can't force him to study. He will have to live with his choices.

You learn a hell of a lot about studying and revision on the run up to gcses so with the cancellation of last year, I imagine he is not alone amongst the current year 12s.

My ds would have absolutely floundered with only a single two hour structured lesson a day and with the expection that he study independently the rest of the time. Is this a covid related set up which will change come September? Or will this stay the same? My DS simply was not mature enough and did not have the skills at 16 to cope with that sort of time table. . Are there any extra structured maths study sessions your ds can join at college? To pack out his day more?

He seems to be doing well in his other 2 A levels ( otherwise I would suggest restarting year 12) .

My current school age Dc is yr 13 , doing Maths A level and told me that their GCSE teacher said “ you revise Maths by DOING Maths ” and that that sentence been the single best bit of advice they have had. Past papers, practice papers, following up any weak spots with teacher (and practicing it) , finding worked examples and asking for harder questions is how dc has navigated Maths A level. I feel like you’ve really got to like the challenges of Maths though otherwise doing all that continuously without the interest or motivation for the subject would be such a hard slog (and maybe a bit depressing )

I agree that you can’t make them do it and also agree that focussing on next step is a good idea. If he can visit a uni and find a course he really likes the look of, he may get motivated to get the results he needs to get there

Good luck anyway OP.. i know from experience with older dc that it’s blimmin frustrating so you have my sympathies

Let him look at Uni courses and what he wants to do.

Look at grade expectations for courses and let him see where he’s going to end up.

Unless he’s just burying his head in the sand.

I was always quite clear with both ds’s that they can choose what they wanted to do. It’s their lives and it’s them it’s going to affect.

If he chooses not to do the work you can’t make him. But you can point out that he won’t be able to do what he wants in the future as his choices will be so much more limited.

I’ve always been there to help with revision timetables, for bouncing off ideas, getting them to suggest what would happen if.....

There are plenty of guides and info on different study and revision techniques.

@Notsoaccidentproneanymore

Let him look at Uni courses and what he wants to do.

Look at grade expectations for courses and let him see where he’s going to end up.

Unless he’s just burying his head in the sand.

I was always quite clear with both ds’s that they can choose what they wanted to do. It’s their lives and it’s them it’s going to affect.

If he chooses not to do the work you can’t make him. But you can point out that he won’t be able to do what he wants in the future as his choices will be so much more limited.

I’ve always been there to help with revision timetables, for bouncing off ideas, getting them to suggest what would happen if.....

He's totally burying his head in the sand. Ultimately it's up to him what he does, it's his life to live, but he just doesn't want to talk about it. We'd be very supportive if he wanted it, but he'd rather just forget and cross his fingers

Thanks everyone for your replies, it's so good to talk to others about it.

I can't remember who said about looking for a Saturday job, but DS has an interview this week!! I'm hoping this will give him something to focus on. He's really struggled to find anything (over 50 applications with very few responses), it's left him feeling down-beaten