Empty nest syndrome at 37

[Popstessy]

Hi I always find really helpful threads on mumsnet when I google parenting worries. So I have purposely joined to ask for support I guess.

My son is 18 and if all goes to plan he will go off to uni in September. I am thrilled for him and so proud of him and I think it'll be a wonderful experience for him. In front of him I am super positive about the hole thing, but inside I'm really struggling.

I feel like I'm so lost, I'm 36 and will be 37 by the time he goes. I work full time, not the best paid job not the worst either I'm in a bit of debt that I'm working hard to get paid down hopefully soon which makes money a bit tighter.

The reason for my post is that I just want to know how people cope when their children leave home? I'm a single Mum and have been since he was 1. I feel as though I don't really know who I am anymore as I've been a mum since I was a child myself. I am now getting more freedom as my son becomes more independent but I have no idea what to do with that freedom (I don't really even want it) I love being a mum and I'm sad I've not had more children I always thought I would have. People keep saying to me throw yourself into new ventures, but at my age? What exactly? Aren't new ventures for people in their 20s. I feel like I didn't fit in with my peer group in my early 20s when they were all out partying and I was a mum and I feel like I don't again as a lot of them now have young children or are just starting their families and my son is all grown up. The mums that's I'm friends with who are older than me that have children my sons age are winding down they tell me after years of bringing up children they're happy for them to go off to uni and enjoy a bit of a quieter life winding down towards retirement.

I just feel really lost and I'm scared for how it will be when he leaves. I have a partner but we don't live together and it's a long distance relationship. There's no sign of that progressing any time soon either.

Anyone else feel the same? How do you cope? I feel like I've lost all lust for life and motivation and don't really know where my place is in the world.

You have so much scope, you are so young! You could re-train, and make a really decent go of it as you don’t need to worry about childcare. I had my third child at 39 so my the time my last kid goes to uni I will be 60 and getting ready to retire! You have a great opportunity to have a second go at things and you will do well in the work place as you are unencumbered. What would you really like to do? Do you have any unfulfilled ambitions? Also, you can move anywhere you want as don’t need to worry about school areas etc. I am quite envious!

I might be way off here but your post about your partner made me think that perhaps it’s your relationship that is the issue?

You don’t sound like you’re getting either what you want or what you need from it?

I'm struggling too. Ds goes to uni tomorrow and while I am so excited for him, I feel bereft!

I just keep looking at him and wondering where all the time has gone. I was a single parent to him for years before I met now-DH and we have a tight bond. I'm finding it hard to cope with the feeling that he's not going to be there every day any more.

Of course I won't say a word of this to him! I loved university myself and I really, really want him to have a fantastic time and enjoy it all; I don't want him coming home every weekend really because I want him to be immersed in uni life. But god, it's really hard to let him go...

I hope all of you that have recently dropped off your ds and dd's at uni are doing okay?
It was heartbreaking leaving my ds but he seems to be coping well and enjoying it which is making it a lot easier for me to cope with. It feels strange him not being in the house but I'm coping better than I thought I would. Sending big squishy supportive hugs to all of you with sons and daughters uni age, and thanks to all who commented support to my initial post :) thank you

@Popstessy this is an enormous transition for you and one that’s going to take time. You sound like you are doing brilliantly. I dropped my DS off on Sunday, wow I underestimated how bereft I would
Feel, yet mixed with enormous pride and excitement for him! Hugs x

Hope you are doing ok? I dropped off last week so I'm officially an empty nester (she's older and has been to university before but was living at home, she's changed university and courses) she's got sn so didn't expect her to leave so actually I'm so pleased she could!

There's 2 of us but I'm sitting here all afternoon alone (I work pt) so weird. Going to see her Sunday as she needs some paperwork and it's only 45 mins away, she doesn't do drinking, pubs, strangers etc so freshers isn't for her!

It's certainly the end of an era and whilst it should be celebrated it is a time of grieving even for the non empty nesters.

I loved being a family unit ..... and one part is no longer at home.

I am not sitting home crying. DH and I are really happy for DS. But it's still painful

My God, you’re just a child, the world is your oyster OP. Some of us hadn’t even had our babies at 37. You are literally free now to do whatever you want, I am quite envious.

I'm a few years older mid 40s and also a single parent and both my kids went off to uni a couple of weeks ago . The hardest part was the build up I've been a parent since my mid 20s and couldn't imagine life without the daily grind of parenting .
It's been fine ,more than that I feel proud , like you should that we have single handedly reared adults ready to go off into the world . Relationships change but your bond won't .I have just been FaceTiming my son I will FaceTime my dd later in the week .
I am planning to do something different soon with my life but for now I'm just experimenting being me again , or me for the first time ! You are so young ,I feel young to have grown up kids most of my friends have kids at primary school. I also feel a bit out of step.

Be proud of your achievements , stay open to new possibilities and breathe it will be fine .

going through the empty nest thing here too. dropped dd off on sunday (york). dh & i are having shared sad moments. we are a close unit & only have the one dc. all very proud/excited for her but it is still hard at times. i gets lots of whatsapps from her (she is very sociable/confident so no trouble settling in) but i miss her being here. it's a busy home so i don't have long to dwell, there is just a sadness. i keep going up to her room/area & sitting with the cat on her bed looking out of the window......quite pathetic really :-D

I felt exactly the same when my eldest went to uni and then my next went the following year. It's such a shock when they go, in that how much you feel it, but it does get easier and he'll be back for ages in the holidays and at some point you'll be missing him even when you're glad he's gone back to uni again.

Both have since come back to live with me for various reasons which has been lovely. You are always a mum.