How to decide between Bristol, Durham and York

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DD is very lucky to hold offers for the Unis above. The courses are different, but she pretty much likes them equally. She hasn't been to visit any of the Unis or the cities, though obviously has viewed their virtual open days. She's also posted on TSR for opinions.

I was hoping that parents on here could offer me their views on either what they think of these cities as places to live, and/or pass on the views of their DC who have recently attended.

DD is state school, bit quiet, sporty, not into party stuff that much but really wanting to spread her wings. Her bf will also be going to Uni this year but (I think luckily) hasn't got similar Unis on his list so that isn't a factor. We are in Kent, so all of them seem a long way away!

What insights can you pass my way?

My DD has an Eton friend. He's lovely and didn't want to tell anyone where he went in case they thought he was a snob. He's not, he's a sweetie if a bit helpless to start with. DD has taught him how to wash his clothes, wash up and cook a Sunday roast. She's loving Bristol even in these weird times and the Uni have been fantastic at looking out for them. The food parcels they delivered when they were isolating were huge. She has friends. And mostly hasn't a clue where they went to school - poor Eton lad got found out as he inadvertently talked about his families island that can only be reached by helicopter. DD looking forward to a holiday there when allowed 😂

Well, now that over 70% of Oxbridge intake are state school pupils, this fear is clearly unfounded.

@veronicalondon

Well, now that over 70% of Oxbridge intake are state school pupils, this fear is clearly unfounded.

For some reason @veronicalondon, that post makes you sound cross that Oxbridge are increasing the number of state school pupils. I am not quite sure what 'fear' you are hoping this will allay?

As I have explained before, DD did not like the courses enough at Oxbridge to put herself through the application process. She was also put off by the outreach sessions and Oxbridge visits by the culture which did not feel like a good fit for her. Irrespective that 70% of Oxbridge first years may be state school students, the culture of Oxbridge is very strong and not the right fit for everyone.

As an update - DD has had her college offer from Durham and it was one of her top three which is great. She is still very undecided between all three Unis though, so we will be doing a few weekend trips in April/May to try to get a feel for the towns. That feels like quite an adventure after the last year!

Thanks once again for people who contributed their thoughts last month.

"She didn't apply for Oxbridge because of the posh/private school thing, so that makes me wonder if Durham might be the less good fit?" Later you have also mentioned that your DD was taken aback by what she had wrongly perceived as an overbearing of privately educated kids during her visit to Oxbridge. Not only she was grossly mistaken, but you also quoted the above as the reason for her not to apply to Oxbridge! You have also read into my comment wrongly seeing what was not there. I am not from UK and I am shocked at some repetitive instances of casual slandering assumptions made on the basis of education in different chats, especially that such comments are mostly one sided. For example, reading some mumsnet threads makes you wonder how privately educated kids (which come from various backgrounds, including gifted and able on bursaries) have been allowed on the streets at all, as they are clearly unpleasant, snobby cold bullies. As for another reason for not considering Oxbridge of your DD not being really happy with the courses offered by the best academic institutions in UK and ones of the best in the world - I am tempted to say sour grapes here as the only ones who can turn Oxbridge down/not consider it could be the ones who were either admitted into Oxbridge or at least reached an interview stage. The less DD divides young people by their differences, the more chances she has to get to know them better. Stereotyping has never got anyone far enough to form a valid friendship.

@veronicalondon actually you are incorrect. There are high achieving students from private schools I know who didn't like a course offered at Oxbridge enough to put themselves through the application process which is gruelling and mentally taxing. Their first choices are LSE and Imperial (different subjects) which are also world renowned

Unlike an Oxbridge degree which is no longer a ticket into a job, I do feel that a private school education does offer some advantages - mostly that it shapes the character of the person and somehow makes them very confident. This can be intimidating for some DC from a different background. I say this as an adult who went to a grammar school with a husband who went to a private school. I went to a far better university than him but he has been more ambitious and has superior confidence which he feels, due to his private school upbringing

Having met so many people of different backgrounds over the years, I don't think he is wrong

What I am trying to say in this tangent is I can see why some DC and parents have certain impressions of people with different privileges

Agree with @chopc my DS could have applied for Oxbridge for medicine and chose not to as had the academic ability and v high BMAT which would have achieved the interview but the course was not right for him. My DD is at Cambridge and loves it but Oxbridge is not right for everyone in terms of personality or course structure

My son went to York and played a lot of hockey. He enjoyed his time there. He was a quiet boy from a private school but mainly lived with state school people. We lived visiting for Sunday lunch!

Interesting thread that I hope I'm ok joining as did is most interested in Bristol and Durham.

One of my daughters and my twin sons were choosing between Bristol and Durham (they didn't apply to York and I don't think it did their courses). I would have been happy with either and perhaps Durham is slightly ahead as traditionally was second only to Oxbridge and I am from NE England (and my father and uncle went to Durham). However they picked Bristol as we live in London and it was nearer and all 3 really liked Bristol.

If you are in Kent probably Bristol is the easiest of the 3 to get to.

UPDATE - We have done a grand tour over the last few weeks since restrictions were lifted! It has been lovely actually, just getting away, and we found some great airbnb gems.

DD was able to look at Durham with the college she has been allocated in mind. We couldn't go in anywhere, but it was really useful to be on the ground in all three places.

Durham is indeed a very long way. York felt easier somehow - maybe there is a tipping point with journey length? We could actually do Bristol and back in one day (though didn't) which is helpful to know.

We looked at the Unis with all the comments made on this thread in mind, and they made a lot of sense. DD isn't quite ready to decide yet, as they all feel quite different, but she's a lot further forward than before.

Thanks for all your contributions to this thread. If anyone has anything else to add, we're all ears!

That sounds like good progress. My sibling lives near York and has found fast trains to London from there (I have done that route a fair bit too). Durham obviously I have done loads as my parents were in Newcastle where I was brought up but it is that bit further although you only do it twice a term really so it is not that bad by train. When we took the child to see grandparents in Yorkshire and London at least 3 times a year when we drove we also used to spend the first night with the first lot in Yorkshire to break the drive from London to Newcastle which is a bit long.

Being closer isn't always that good either eg my son is coming back by train today frm Bristol - only been back a week but everyone else is busy with exams and his are over - not that he is not welcome and his twin is here and keen to see him of course but had he been up in Durham I doubt this popping back would happen. My older son went to Reading and in years 2 and 3 chose to live at home and only drive over for lectures which in effect meant he didn't participate in university other than for lectures and exams - his choice and a waste in my view, but enabled by our being an hour's drive from Reading!

I’m late to the party here but have a DD at Bristol and a DS at Durham.
Very different experiences, but both happy with them! Both went to a mixed inner London comp.

Re distance, we are in London, so 3hours to Durham from KingsX on the train, 3hours to Bristol from Victoria on the Megabus! Obvs longer to Durham in the car, but faster to Bristol.
Distances don’t seem to have been a major issue for us as neither go back and forth a lot!

DD did citycentre halls then shared houses in Redlands/Clifton. About £500 per month rent only. She loves clubbing and parties (or did before covid) and wanted a mixed and cosmopolitan feel like London. She deliberately chose city centre halls rather than Stoke Bishop (which tends to be more popular with exprivate students) so she was in the middle of city life and close to the uni.

DS chose Durham because he wanted a less urban feel, and liked the collegiate system. He was placed in Collingwood which is v sporty and lots of socials, and he’s very happy with it, despite the steep learning curve mixing with students from very different backgrounds to his He is now in a shared house in Viaduct which is £500 a month including bills.

I think it’s possible to be a quieter or louder student in any of those places (DS and I did visit York too - we both liked the campus!) and find your own tribe.

Do ask if there’s anything else!