Oxbridge Interviewees for 2021 Entry - The Journey Continues - Thread 5

[Baaaahhhhh]

New Thread from old one:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/higher_education/4088426-Oxbridge-Aspirants-2021-New-Thread-4

DS became DD on my phone.

She’s now worried that they all hate her and doesn’t want to go back to school. I thought all of this would have been over by 17/18!

I managed to calm dd down last night, important to park this issue until after the interview which is later this morning. She’s having a bit of a lie in till 9 ish.

I’m worried it will affect her interview.

Sorry if off topic, just needed to get it out somewhere.

Your poor DD, Bend! What on earth did those girls think they were trying to achieve? Maybe she’s been a bit abrasive (criticism of choice leveled at mine sometimes for not being a doormat) but their actions seem worse.

I think all you can do is reassure her that she’s a great girl, offer tea/chocolate/breakfast and hope the adrenaline carries the day. I suspect she’ll be too busy thinking about her academic subject to dwell on it all mid interview at least.

I missed your post about the friends bendmeoverbackwards. The other girl will know that your DD in interviewing and it clearly wasn't urgent to have the confrontation - nothing which couldn't wait a couple of days, so it seems calculated to really put the boot in with your DD. She sounds like a terrible friend. Horrible for your DD. Is it an all girls school?

Yes all girls school. Dd transferred her from a super selective grammar, this school is partially selective and less pressurised and dd really likes it. But now she thinks she has messed things up.

*here

@bendmeoverbackwards - in the words of my late mil, “They’re just jealous “

Ime some people (and sadly it is usually females) are born mean. There is a mean girl in dd’s sixth form and she was mean at play school! She told dd when we arrived at a party, “Sophie didn’t want you to come but her Mummy made her invite you.” Dd has never forgotten this - scarred for life! This girl was mean in lots of other ways and, in modern parlance, committed many micro-aggressions. I wonder why...

Anyway, this is horrible for your dd and particularly snide to pick this moment to upset her. Otoh at least she has something else (far more important than this witches’ coven) to focus on.

Dd definitely isn’t mean. Can occasionally say or do the wrong thing but owns her mistakes and is actually very hard on herself.

My worry now is that if she doesn’t get an offer, she will blame this incident or herself.

Oh crikey, I hope you didn’t think I was saying your dd was mean!!! Gosh, sometimes the written word misfires badly

I of course meant the rest of the crummy crew. And choosing not just Oxbridge time but Christmas, too.

The incident is entirely manufactured by this group of girls, or certainly the organiser of the ridiculously intense zoom meeting to discuss your DD's transgressions. She needs to focus exclusively on her interview and after that I'd strongly suggest she moves on from the coven. The months will fly by. Even if your DD had committed the cardinal sin of looking at one of these girls boyfriends , the showdown could have waited a couple of days. Mean girls showed their true colours.

Cross post.

Yup, they're the meanies alright.

@bendmeoverbackwards jealousy on the other girls' part. They could easily have waited until after. Your DD only has a few more months with them and then she will go on to bigger and better things.

Remind her who she is and encourage her not to lose faith in herself

@goodbyestranger have you had any DC at Cambridge ?

@IrmaFayLear no I didn’t think you meant that about my dd. It’s just that dd is now mulling over whether she HAS said anything wrong

I've got one there now chopc, as a postgrad.

@bendmeoverbackwards it’s all been said. I wish you DD the very best with the interviews. She has bigger fish to fry, than all the nastiness. Big hugs sent her way

She can come across as quite a strong character and stands up for her views in group discussions but she always respects the the views of others even if disagreeing with them.

She's a good fit for Oxbridge then, I'd say.

What time is her interview bend? Did these girls know that she had an interview this morning? What a horrible thing to have done if so (some might say... intentional even)? Really hope she’s ok and best of luck.

@bendmeoverbackwards I really hope your DD can put it all out of her mind for today. It does sound really engineered to give her the most amount of stress. Finding the whole group call majorly dramatic 🙄
Wishing her the best of luck 🤞and to all others with interviews today and tomorrow.
DD is about to start her second one in a few minutes. First was yesterday which was challenging but very interesting and she said she has no idea how it went but seemed relieved they were nice.

@bendmeoverbackwards Your poor DD.

This happened to someone I know as an adult, it was like finding out 2 years into a job that there were numerous things she had apparently done wrong and offended them and she couldn't even remember any of it. Had it been addressed at each time then there may well have been context etc. It felt like an ambush. The friendship ended there and then, in her own words if I am so awful why on earth are you friends with me?

I think school girls are the worst for doing shit like this. The whole "we need to talk" is so crap and a zoom call so they could see her reaction from a gang of girls. Absolutely rubbish. The best revenge is living life well, hopefully it will fuel her in her interviews and she will do incredibly well for herself.

Good luck to everyone who still has interviews

Thank you all for your kind words.

Good luck to everyone else who has interviews today.

@Jalfrezi glad the first one went ok.

Sorry to hear about your friend @OnTheBenchOfDoom , it's horrible to hear this sort of thing can happen in adult life.

Dd is in her interview now, I'm downstairs on tenterhooks willing it to go well.

I know at nearly 18 I shouldn't intervene with the school right? I'm not a helicopter parent and dd is very independent and doesn't like me getting involved. But I wonder whether a discreet call to the subject teacher might be helpful to see if she's noticed any friction in class and if dd has done anything wrong?

bendmeoverbackwards Your poor DD, I can't believe the timing, those girls should be ashamed of themselves. Big hugs to her.

@bendmeoverbackwards I would contact school/college.

This is the home stretch now with her A levels and revision etc and worrying about friendships is not what she needs. She needs to know she can talk to an adult at college if it continues so they need a heads up.

On a side note I do get a certain song in my head when I read your username is it Barry and Freda related?

Sending out positive vibes to your DD Bend . No one deserves that kind of treatment, ever, ever. It is not of her making and I hope she can see that and put it behind her. I speak as someone who was also the target of some very mean-spirited teenage girl group bullying.