Personal statement

[Sagittariusgirl44]

Hi, my DD has written her personal statement and is quite happy with it but her tutor has said she needs to add more info about herself. It feels as if she is just trying to tick boxes. We have asked an ex uni lecturer and admissions officer (friend of my sister) for an opinion and they both think it is great as it is. How do you go against what the tutor is asking you to do?

What does the tutor mean by "about herself" do you think? Extracurricular and prefectships etc, or about why she personally aspires to study the subject? If the lacking the latter, I'd add more. If the former, I think the general rule of thumb is max 20% on extracurricular etc, so not to worry unless she has left out something amazing/related to the course. Surely the school reference can pick up any ommitted prefectships etc?

Do the former lecturer and admissions officer know your DD?

For example, a statement such as "played in Wimbledon, did well" reads very well to a third party. However, it's not really a great statement of achievement if you know that the writer is Roger Federer.

Did the tutor give examples? My understanding is that it needs to show not tell what the student loves about the subject and why they want to study it and why they are suitable for it PLUS a line or two saying "I love painting and I represent my county at tennis" or whatever covers the rest. They really don't care if you did camel trekking in Namibia (unless the course is camel husbandry). If it covers this and uni lecturer and admissions person says it's good I'd submit it.

Can she flag up to her tutor the guidance from one or more of the universities she is applying to, showing that what she has written is in accordance with what they are hoping to see?

Or just hit Pay and Send; it's her application, not her tutor's, after all. Or is there the possibility that the tutor will actually refuse to add her reference if the changes are not made?