DD’s year abroad not going well - anyone else’s DC having problems?

[MrsSchadenfreude]

DD is in France. CV19 cases rising like mad. All teaching is in person, none is online, crowded lecture theatres, no social distancing and lax/no use of masks (under chin, dangling from one ear or over mouth and not nose or no mask at all). DD is asthmatic so particularly anxious.

Her social life has dwindled to nothing as she doesn’t want to go to crowded bars, which is all people do. So she is essentially going to her lectures when she feels it is safe to do so (she says she has sucked it up and has missed very few) and not seeing anyone outside of this. Two friends have jacked it in and gone home. There seems to be incomprehension among her peers that anyone would have a problem with going to a crowded bar.

She has spoken to her personal tutor, who was sympathetic, but told her she needed to email the Erasmus co-ordinator, who essentially said she didn’t see that there was a problem, that everyone was in the same boat, bof, that’s how life is now, and she should get on with it. Her U.K. university aren’t even responding to her emails.

She wants to come out and stay with me (not in U.K.). She could do some kind of qualification here at the French Institute, and also continue her German and the other niche language she is studying. But I am not sure how this would count towards her credits for her year abroad and her final year.

Is anyone else’s DC going through the same thing?

She really needs to get hold of someone at her UK university to ask what will happen if she just leaves. When I did my year in France (admittedly many years ago!) we had to complete the year to get our degree. Did the friends who jacked it in manage to get anything out of the UK uni?

I don't have anything much to add other than to sympathise and say what a shame this is. So much time and effort and imagining what a great time it will be and then a pandemic.

My daughter had a sharp end to her year abroad in Florida (she is doing American Studies) and she was having the most amazing time. My niece is doing her "year abroad" (also supposedly in the USA) here and online. So is having no cultural experience at all. She is holding out to be there for the second semester (Jan 2021) but I don't think it is very likely. She can't even apply for her visa at the moment.

It is really sad for them. :(

It is shit, isn’t it? Her university were very wet about the whole thing - it was at their own risk, and then they said they could take a year out instead. What they didn’t want was people going straight to their final year as they didn’t have the capacity to teach them all. Another alternative was to do the year abroad after they had graduated. There has really been no help or guidance at all.

It sounds like she has a sensible alternative if she comes to stay with you and also that she needs to keep hassling her home uni. Are there any phone numbers?

@Fantasmic143

I don't have anything much to add other than to sympathise and say what a shame this is. So much time and effort and imagining what a great time it will be and then a pandemic.

My daughter had a sharp end to her year abroad in Florida (she is doing American Studies) and she was having the most amazing time. My niece is doing her "year abroad" (also supposedly in the USA) here and online. So is having no cultural experience at all. She is holding out to be there for the second semester (Jan 2021) but I don't think it is very likely. She can't even apply for her visa at the moment.

It is really sad for them. :(

Sorry, Yank here. Is American Studies really a thing in the UK?

The way we get slagged off here on MN wouldn't have lead me to suspect that there was an academic course of study on us.

I have a DD who is doing her first year of uni from her bedroom in New York and a DS who is back at uni in person but with severe restrictions, so yes, it is a shame. I am secretly happy to have DD home though.

Yes, American Studies is definitely a thing - quite a few universities offer it. It is multi-disciplinary across English, history, politics and film departments. And most offer a semester or year in the USA. DD has loved every moment after doing history and politics as well as maths at A level.

And, yes, OP, it is really shit. That is exactly what my niece has experienced - if she had not opted to do her courses online this semester with the hope of being abroad from January, she would have lost a year as there was no option to go back to her uni to do her 3rd year.

Yes, American Studies is definitely a thing - quite a few universities offer it. It is multi-disciplinary across English, history, politics and film departments. And most offer a semester or year in the USA. DD has loved every moment after doing history and politics as well as maths at A level.

Thank you for your reply @Fantasmic143. I'm glad your DD enjoyed her time in Florida and hope she gets to return at some point. My DS is currently taking a course in Irish History and Literature and his professor is organizing a trip to Cork next summer that he's very excited about. I hope he gets to go.

I think the whole 'to mix or not to mix' with fellow students (particularly if others haven't knowingly had COVID-19) is a real dilemma. There's part of me that thinks it would be better for all of our young people to get it and move on (just imagine if you end up being one of the few who doesn't seem to have had it and are excluded from many meet-ups to protect you?).

I wonder what % of the students who've not tested for it, have already had it?

Oh that's such a shame, I remember your other thread about her.
Without minimising her worries, how long has she given it? Could it be general settling in with Covid worries exacerbating it all? Have the lectures only just started? Is it an area of France under special measures?
Like others, I don't know what the "rules" are now, but in our year abroad if you didn't complete it you received a BA without honours or were effectively "failed" for that year if you wanted honours and went back again the following year. She really needs to speak to whoever is coordinating the year abroad at her university. I'd presume if she drops it she'd have to go back there.
Hope she can work something out.
I

@MrsSchadenfreude

It is shit, isn’t it? Her university were very wet about the whole thing - it was at their own risk, and then they said they could take a year out instead. What they didn’t want was people going straight to their final year as they didn’t have the capacity to teach them all. Another alternative was to do the year abroad after they had graduated. There has really been no help or guidance at all.

That's really bad. Sheesh.

@TheSeedsOfADream it went really well at the start, but the region has gone from green to red since September, with the city being threatened to be included in the next round of lockdown.

Oh blimey. I'd try and pull her out then. Such a shame.

She seems to be at the opposite end of many students who would love the laxity of the measures and the freedom to go to bars. Since her anxiety about COVID is preventing her from socialising in crowded places, she may well feel safer when the red zone measures start. It is also worth considering that it is early days even for normal times to feel settled and she still is gaining the experience of living and communicating in French. Unless you have had more information since posting, it sounds as though pulling out now will result in lost year for her degree. Obviously her health comes first though.

It’s making me wonder what the majority of students on the Erasmus scheme will do? They won’t have any alternative but to carry on one assumes with parents unable to try and wangle an alternative for them. Or do they all just wave goodbye to their degrees?

I take it she's not in Paris where DS1 is, currently they're under curfew and have to stay in from 9PM -6AM. My DS would love to be going to bars etc but they are having to socialise at home, albeI don't think they are strictly adhering to social bubbles, and they have all had COVID.
There have been online lectures from the start of term so I am surprised that your DD is having to attend lectures in person, in addition they have been wearing masks outside as well as in for months now.

It sounds as though your DD is not going to be able to make the most of this opportunity due to COVID, if she goes into red lockdown wi she be able to stay with you anyway?

I really feel for young people right now and would be inclined to pu her out and figure it all out later.

She said that there are no online lectures at all, although they are discussing it. Her personal tutor has been fantastic, and has had words with the Erasmus co-ordinator. I would say she is not usually anxious, but both of her grandparents have had Covid-19 and have been hospitalised and on oxygen, one of my friends died, and this, together with her asthma, is not helping.

She is not in Paris, no. Her uni friend, who is at the Sorbonne has Covid-19 and is currently recovering. Most of her other friends opted for a year off, with very few (less than five) going straight into their final year. They’ve told her they feel disadvantaged by not having had a year in France.

If she really can’t cope, she can go back to London, to our flat, or DH will drive across Europe to collect her and bring her back hee, if he is able to do so. The other alternative is that she gets back to U.K. and then flies out to join us. The usual route for her, via Frankfurt, is now closed.

The worst thing is the complete lack of silence from her U.K. university, and no response to emails or voicemail messages.

Sorry - complete silence! Not lack of silence - there’s been plenty of silence!

The lecture thing sucks, but it sounds like she might be going through the normal stress of moving abroad and having to effectively do a lonely freshers week all over again, with added anxiety.

I was a bit older moving to France, so had to look beyond the 20 years olds playing beer pong in the pub (yes really! In a land of good wine!). In French universities (from my experience), the obvious Erasmus students are really noisy and they don't seem to mix much with the French students. There will be someone quieter hiding somewhere though. She just has to find them. Going for a coffee, yoga in the park, picnic, crepe etc will all be much safer than going clubbing (and possibly nicer!) For me, I've found expat facebook groups, student groups, language classes, language tandems (avoid the Tandem app though, it's just Tinder for people looking for foreigners. Facebook or Conversation Exchange are much better), Bumble BFF and Meetup are all good starts in the cities I've lived in. I'm not Christian, but the English church is a good place to find a friendly face too! You just have to be brave enough to message someone to say 'will you be my friend?' It usually works surprisingly well! She doesn't have to hang out with students. There are loads of young foreigners at patisserie schools and working as au pairs who are just as lonely as she is.

I would have thought that unless you are already a native speaker, or close to it, and someone who knows France well, doing final year exams would be very difficult for the language acquisition exams. They can often include “French lifestyle” translations for example. This was difficult enough for students who didn’t do their year in France but to not have gone anywhere is a big problem unless you already have a high level of knowledge and skill.

@lekkerkroketje thank you! I spoke to her last night and gave her your suggestions. She has already joined a load of FB groups. I suggested the church, and she is looking into the international church there, and the Anglican one. She is not remotely religious, but agreed that it would be a good way to meet people. She was a bit more positive when we had finished talking.

We lived in Paris for four years. Her spoken French is near native, but her written French is appalling, so she is spending time getting this up to speed.