What do you do when you don't like your flat mates?
IvySpivey · 06/10/2020 11:51
I have a daughter who seems to have found a flat full of party animals.
She's more quiet and reserved and she's really struggling with 7 others who go silly and loud when they have had a drink. She's not antisocial but she's finding things all a bit awkward.
She's having to play music over her phone to try to help her sleep.
With Covid there's not a chance of a move.
I think she's stuck!
And I have no clue how she will meet people to share with next year.
myrtilles · 06/10/2020 12:07
Normally you would also meet people through the course or clubs but I can appreciate that is very hard at the current time. I think she should contact the residence and ask if she can move to a different flat. They might not be able to do something immediately but if anyone else is unhappy or someone leaves the residence they might be able to do something later in the term. She should certainly not be in a position where she can't sleep due to other people's noise on a regular basis.
Catsmother1 · 09/10/2020 00:48
My daughter is in a similar situation, but may end up dropping out as she doesn’t like her course. She’s in a flat of 12. Has made friends with two people, but the rest “do weed and pills”. Parties In the flat most nights, up to 30 people (she hates parties). She has also made friends with someone from her course, so she hangs at hers. But if the party is still going at 1230, she phones security. They don’t often do anything though.
She asked about moving on day 1, and they said no due to Covid.
About your daughter though, I’d probably ask again about the move. My daughter actually likes her room and her couple of friends so doesn’t want to move - even with the drugs and party problems.
Xenia · 09/10/2020 11:06
In my day we had quite a mixture (self catering flat of about 8 year 1) so did not all get on that well. One girl hardly left her bed room all year until she dropped out at Easter as she and her boyfriend were in there most of the time taking drugs! I joined two university choirs. Some universities have choirs going at present (for those of us into that!) with distancing in chapels and the like. I did some hikes with a group at university too and perhaps things like country walks etc are still going on as outside? Not sure. Some universities still have team training and sports.
Noise was my worst thing and I told all my children take wax ear plugs - most important thing to pack. I had a poem published about noise in our student magazine although I would imagine a poem against noise at night leads to people waking you up more so I don't recommend others try that!
One of my sons went to university very quiet and requested a quiet corridor in halls and then decided to be sociable so in non covid days made friends with a different corridor and I am sure did wake up some quiet people on his corridor is wrong and bad in my view and he knows my views on noise at night. People should not be anti social.
It may be hard to move currently so sticking with teh 2 who are not drinking a lot, perhaps parents helping to buy particularly good noise cancelling headphones or Boots wax ear plugs which I use to this day if it's noisy, trying to go out each day even if just for a long walk with a flatmate, join any clubs that have outdoor things.
Sometimes it is an age thing. My twins being youngest of 5 used to older people and also almost oldest in the year were always more mature than others even at school. One this year is in Bristol still (post grad now) and was saying having people round for dinner is so much nicer than all the late night clubs they used to do which are not now possible - however this year only he and one other are in his flat (as they had to get it at the last minute in July after their gap year was cancelled) so that must be easier too. There were many more in shared houses in years 2 and 3.
The Catsmother daughter calling security at 12.30pm - very sensible. Unless people tell universities there are problems nothing will be logged and the universities will say we did not know.
CorianderLord · 09/10/2020 11:47
Usually quieter people meet friends on their course or in clubs and then move in with them in second year. That's obviously difficult right now.
Tbh, she could complain to the dean about the noise and parties, although if they ever figure out it was her she may be in for some shit.
SleepingStandingUp · 09/10/2020 11:51
Def speak to send me about going on a list for a move.
Are there any chat forums for her subject if it's all being taught remotely?
Re next year, people will advertise for flat mates. I moved in with random people in Mt 3rd year as the one person I liked enough to live with again was on a study year. We kept to ourselves but it was fine. It's also unlikely they'll do online no contact lessons all year so she should meet people off her course eventually.
Are there any kinds of groups going / SU jobs etc?
Aragog · 11/10/2020 07:27
DD's in ab opposite position. She's the only first year in her flat if 4 one second year only came one day (Dd hasn't met her yet) and has gone home as her course is all online. One older PGCE student has left to go home this week as her course and teaching placement is now left online. The other much older student never leaves her room.
So 18y and sociable Dd is left on our own. She's made friends with a flat below (private halls) but they're now isolating - luckily Dd had t seen the one who is positive, rest aren't as yet. However it now means she is on her own. She's come home for the fortnight as st least she has company here plus home based friends.
It's impossible to make friends in the courses as they're only in twice a week for two short sessions but they can't move, sit miles apart and wear masks throughout. Clubs and societies aren't happening in person either.
I've not seen Dd this down for a while. At present she's being stoical about it but I don't think it's sustainable for her. She just wants to make friends and enjoy herself but it seems impossible to be able to do it.
pictish · 11/10/2020 07:30
That’s a shame for your dd...the others will be having a ball. Clash of personalities. Tricky.
Aragog · 11/10/2020 07:31
We (her parents, we haven't spoken to Dd about it even being possible as yet) are desperately trying to get her at least on a waiting list for university halls. We will lose the accommodation fee for the private halls but are prepared to pay the however many thousand to get her out of this situation. The university say they've a list she can join but wanted proof her contract can be ended - it can't so we are now trying to get them to accept that we will pay it on her behalf so it shouldn't matter. Just hoping they'll accept that.
FippertyGibbett · 11/10/2020 07:32
There are usually quieter flats so it might be worth asking for a move.
ChangingStates · 11/10/2020 07:51
My nephew is in the same position, non drinker & quiet in a very sociable drinking flat- the flat mates seem nice but it's just not his thing. He was pretty miserable at the start but once his course started he met others who are more his type. So is building a friendship group albeit not in his flat. He also has ear plugs...
IvySpivey · 11/10/2020 10:47
No moves allowed because of Covid.
Now they are under lockdown in the flat too.
All learning now online for the time being.
So, noisy flatmates and stuck in with them for 2 weeks.
It must feel like prison.
She's being quite stoic about it but underneath she must be distressed.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.