Year 1 Halls, How important is it who you share a flat with?

[josben]

DS has got his halls accommodation confirmed, and he is sharing a flat with 3 girls, all rooms have their own bathroom .

Do you think that it is better to share with a larger number of other students / or with mixed sexes ?

DS is relaxed about the fact that they are all girls and has been chatting to them already.

The course he is doing is predominantly boys , do you mainly socialise with flat mates in year one ,? What if you didn’t click with them ,,?

I’m feeling anxious about this ....

Two ds, both went last year. One said his (5) flat mates were fine, but all his friends are from his course/socialising. The other was in a flat of 14, all became friends and living in 2 sets of 6 this year (the other 2 living at home and in work accommodation). So... I don't think it matters!

I think the fact that your DS is already chatting with his flat mates is a great sign; my DS was in a flat of 6 (2 boys and 4 girls), he didn't chat to them before they met but when we dropped him off they all seemed like a nice bunch and even the parents were getting on well and having a good chat ... they initially had a few shared meals and went out to a few things together ... as time went on they seemed to widen their friendship group, through societies, sport etc but all got on fine, my DS is sharing with different friends in Y2 (2 girls) but I believe three of the original group are sharing.

Try not to overthink it, I am sure your DS will be fine (although as a parent who went through this last year I absolutely understand your worries - now I just can't wait for my DS to go back to Uni ).

Thank you for your posts - yep i think that I am overthinking this ! 😬

It’s not something that you can predict both my DS were first years in halls last year, sociable extrovert DS1 in flat of 5 - 2 girls 3 boys, he liked them but made friends on his course and is renting with course friends this year.
Quiet introvert DS2 in flat of 8 - 5 girls 3 boys got on very well with flatmates and they are all sharing a flat together this year.
I think I would have been slightly concerned if DS2 had been put in halls with only girls, but not DS2 but that’s based on how sociable they are.

My DS is fairly quiet , so I think that’s why I feeling more concerned, is there anything we could do about now though, like seeing if he can move to a flat with more students in ,,?

I'm one of the few people I know who clicked really well with my halls flat mates. We ended up living together in years 2 and 3 as well. I got so lucky with them and we became a very tight group of 6 (2 boys 4 girls). 4/6 of us have since moved away from the UK but we stay in regular contact and I'm sure we'd all be very close still if we were back in th UK.

Most people I know though made their closest friends at uni through their course, sports, socialising. Got on fine with their flat mates but weren't best of friends. Its not a big deal at all if you don't get on well with the people you live with in halls because in reality you don't have to spend much time with them if you don't want to.

Don’t worry too much op, your son will be fine. There are so many opportunities to make friends at uni and who you end up socialising with just depends on who you click with more.

When I was at uni, my 1st year halls had a lot more people(18 in total), 9 students to a kitchen, bottom 2 floors shared ground floor kitchen, and top 2 floors shared 1st floor kitchen. I was on the lower ground floor, and those who I shared a kitchen with where predominantly on my course (and I did get on with them). However I actually ended up getting on better with the group upstairs (from a mix of courses including business, law, hospitality and finance), and the girls on that floor are who I lived with for my following years.

I knew people though that clicked better with the people on their course, and others who spent more time with students who attended the same sports/social activities.

He will not be short on choice 😊

Ah, thanks for that advice, DS does have girls as friends,

DS1 (5 years ago): mixed flat (all different courses, 2 males, 2 females,, one of whom didn't really mix, but not in an antagonistic way), went on to share a second year house with mainly people he had met through membership of a society.

DD (2019 fresher): mixed flat (all different courses, 2 males, 3 females, one of whom appointed herself Kitchen Monitor, both of whom socialised outside the group). DD has entered into a house share with the two lads and a female friend from one half of her course.

Allowing accommodation swaps willy-nilly would be an absolute nightmare for accommodation offices. Students do post on e.g. TSR for swaps, but it's usually on the grounds of, I've been allocated the hall furthest from the campus I'm on / been allocated catered ensuite when I can only afford standard self-catered. Not usually because their mum thinks that they should be somewhere with more flatmates. Honest.

@MarchingFrogs Yep i hear you... I think that i need to chill out about this 😆

DS has had a letter from his uni to explain that, due to covid, flats will form a bubble.

I don't know how strictly students will adhere to the rules, but I do think getting along with the people in your flat might be more important this year than usual.

Having said that - if he's already chatting to them, I wouldn't be worried.

Flat sharing in halls is such a lottery. You can't really predict what your flatmates will be like. One of DD's friends drew the short straw and had to move because her flatmates bullied her. DD was in a flat of 8 - 4 girls and 4 boys. They all got on, but some of them didn't pull their weight as far as keeping the kitchen and living room area clean.

DD is now sharing with the 3 tidy ones from her flat and 4 from the flat opposite.
She has also made friends from her course.

In all kindness, now is the time to step back and let your DS get on with it!

My dd hated her first year, sharing a fault with 10 others. It was too daunting for her and she ended up staying in her room. She would have been much better off in a small flat.

DD1 didn’t get on particularly well with her flatmates in halls. They were in flats of eight. All on different courses. Some of them and some in the next door flat went on to share the following year. DD1 found some friends on her course to share with and several years on they still have an annual holiday together. All male plus her.
DD2 hated her flatmates. At one point we thought she was going to drop out because of them. She was able to move after a few miserable months and found some friends on her course to share with.
It is normal for them all to chat before they move in so I wouldn’t say that makes any difference to whether they’ll all get on well or not.
So in my DDs experience they socialised more with course mates. He’ll find his people. I’d say most students settle in year 2. I think for many year 1 can be difficult time.

My DS is studying nursing and lives with 7 girls. He is having a ball.
He has guy friends too as he joined the rugby team.
Your lad will be fine and you need to let him get on with it.

My DS1 got on fine with his 4 flatmates (1 male and 3 female) but they didn't really socialise together. Some of them even returned home most weekends. All his lasting friends were made on his course.

It’s complete luck of the draw most of the time.

I think it's just luck really. Dh fell really lucky with his first year house share (no halls) and is still good friends with two of them. I didn't and I didn't ever hand out with them and made friends in my course.

Dd is starting in September. she lost her first choice so has no balls accommodation. We are unlikely to find out for another 2-3 weeks. In the mean time we have but a holding fee down in a private flat rental. It's only a 4 bed as that's all that was available left. But it's en-suite, mod cons, 10-15 walk to the campus. We know that the other occupants are single applicants and at least one of them was let just this week. We think they may be all girls but not sure. We've no idea what years they'll be in though but hoping that if one has only just been let this week it's more likely to be another first year.
Can't figure a way if finding out who is in the rooms though.

Can't figure a way if finding out who is in the rooms though.

Get her to tryAnyone booked accommodation in...? in the appropriate forum on TSR?University of X 2020 startersor whatever. Bit of a wildcard, but might throw up the answer.

Or ask the accommodation office / agent / landlord if they will pass on a message with her details and a request to contact for a pre-move in chat?

(Hopefully managed to post that in the right place this time).

I've sent an email to the lettings office to say we are happy to have her details sent on to the other flat mates if at all possible.

I think the tenancy agreement for this - as it is a private rental and not university owned one - starts very soon. We've not actually viewed it as the options were reducing very fast and there were very few decent place left. So we may have to just go with this one now anyway as they'll want us to sign up properly very soon. If thats the case, we will go and visit it properly (we have a viewing slot in place anyway after paying the holding fee) and she can leave her contact details on the table/side in the shared living space incase anyone else visits before the start date.

DSD1 was in the same accommodation as her best friend (not requested, it just happened that way) so whilst they are both lovely friendly girls it could have been difficult for the others coming in knowing nobody but actually they all got on great and went to share a house for the remainder of their time.

DSD2 went knowing nobody but the Uni put them in touch online so they all chatted a bit and got to know one another. They were a large group and some got on better than others but there are 8 of them going together into a shared house next month.