Heading towards 4th year or post grad/jobs

[Xenia]

Continuation of the previous thread for those of us with children who are just finishing their 3rd year at university (so either "graduating" in 2020 or going into year 4 in Autumn 2020)..........

My twins' degree results will be out in late July. Good luck to everyone else waiting for finals results.

DD just come home and announced that she is doing her 4th, and should have been final, year part time from January as she is not coping with the workload. This means that she will do her degree over 5 years instead. This year has been tough as she is expected to produce the same amount of work but with much less tuition, and her options were also cut, leaving her to make choices that she wasn't happy with. I feel a bit sad in a way, but her mental health is far more important. Anyone else with DC who have done this?

DS came home today! Now have them both here but won’t see much of DS1 as he has exams after Xmas and a major draft of dissertation to submit in January.

He arrived home, had something to eat and headed off to do some work!

@eve it's amazing when they find that work ethic!

Simbobs that sounds very sensible. Just check it has all been cleared with the uni. Their health is definitely the most important thing.

@simbobs, she is definitely right to prioritise her MH.

This has been a very difficult time for loads of students. My two both feel cast adrift by their unis and unable to get the support they need, and I’m not sure some Uni staff (in some unis at least) realise they should have a duty of care to ensure their students get a slightly higher level of academic support when they cannot easily meet with course mates to support each other, etc.

My twins were saying they are so pleased they were both here for last week's and the week before's law exams so they had each other to rush out of their respective exam rooms afterwards (upstairs in the house) and say what did you think about that question, how did you answer that. I certainly think they will both do the same in the week immediately after Easter which is the week of their final exams for this year course.

Meanwhile daughter with her family were so so lucky - they had a skiing holiday booked and left very early yesterday (and then we suddenly find much later yesterday there are these new tier 4 rules coming in) so I feel really pleased they can all be up there in the mountains after such a rotten year. Meanwhile my youngest son and I cleared the house the twins let out one night the day the tenant left this week and then the next day discovered the garden! Oh wow - you could not believe what they left including 6 of those huge wooden pallets (we can get about 2 or 3 a time in my volvo) and much else. When we bring the last back today I will take a picture for my album. We joked they might have put things in the loft too and on Saturday looked up there and yes of course they had things in the loft too all now cleared. I have returned the deposit in full as either I am nice or an utter mug; the painters finished yesterday and the new people move in tomorrow after we spend today cleaning. Of course covid made it all much worse for all kinds of reasons this week and never mind that I cannot just drive to the tip each time as you have to book days in advance and can only book your next slot once you have delivered the stuff so that is going to take weeks to clear from my own garden.

Beware this identity theft scam - my other daughter got an electronic product delivered not ordered by her., Works with a tech company so thought it might be some kind of present for staff so accepted it despite telling driver - DPD - she had not ordered anything. Later (not sure if same day) DPD came back to collect it saying it was intended for somewhere else so now she has a possible £1k + liability to Sky and does not have the phone . She has told Action Fraud and is doing what is advised - close watch on bank account, new bank card (only just replaced it a few weeks ago too because of something else taken from her account). As her finance joked yesterday one of the things recommended is changing her surname (which she is doing next year after their marriage so that might help). She said she felt such a fool as she is quite savvy to these things and that everyone needs to know about this delivery to house stuff.

We had a neighbour a few years ago with something similar except the fraudster lurked by the door the day the expensive phone arrived and asked the postman just to hand it over. Postman refused -no way he said to the lady thief and refused.

Now I need to work out the new laws for 25th... My son said yesterday he would just stay at home although I think as he is in a support bubble with us and lives alone he probably could come for lunch. he sounded find about his decision - didn't want trouble with police and had not bought presents yet anyway so helped him out on that front!

@SMaCM it has been cleared by the uni. I'm not sure when she decided she needed to do this as she only told us when she got home. The whole term has been online and there have been problems with one of the course leaders - a formal complaint has been lodged by the students, so one whole module has scarcely been taught. I think she feels relieved. She hardly slept during last week to try and hand in everything before coming home. Now at least she can have a proper break.
I have to say I loved my time at uni and didn't find it nearly as stressful as students seem to now.

DS is home - later than planned but that’s not unusual for him!
He’s up to date with his modules and a draft of his dissertation is with his tutor for review. He is planning on going back to Uni mid January and looking forward to having a month of doing very little. Can’t believe that in two terms time he will have finished his Masters. He is having a call on Monday with his future employer. I think it’s just a keep in touch call and their HR want to talk about getting his visa and healthcare plan.

DD is still enjoying her new job in Brussels. Due to the restrictions she hasn’t had an opportunity to find a flat but is enjoying being spoilt staying with my DSis. My niece and nephew are home from their Unis for the holidays so DD will have good company.

No idea when we will be able to go over and see them. My parents live on the Belgian coast. It’s quiet over the winter so they are waiting for their vaccinations and the opportunity to return to their usual very busy social life.

DS2's uni have said they're starting in person lectures again next Semester and are encouraging students to return via a staggered return during Jan.
It's recommended that they have a Covid test before they return to uni and again once they arrive.

However... this was info sent out on 7th Dec, so it may well (and probably will!) change, given the new, tighter pre Christmas restrictions and whatever happens after the Christmas holidays.

DS didn't take up any accommodation when he started, as he was quite late getting on the course, then it all went online, so will have to sort that out but I've told him to hold fire and see what happens in the New Year. I don't want him to commit to something & be liable for rent if it all continues online. I don't think he'll have trouble finding anything, as lots of people deferred this year, so I can't imagine there's a shortage of rooms.

@simbobs, well done to your DD for prioritising her MH; far better to do it this way, than continue and be stressed with it all.

simbobs hope your DD is okay now she has sorted things out with the university. She will hopefully Be able to enjoy Christmas now.
Good to hear everyone’s news. It’s very hard for them having to study remotely.
DD2 ‘moved home’ yesterday after finishing her ‘first term’ in her grad job. It’s weird that I still think of her being a student when she obviously isn’t. She has passed her probation period and is now off for 2 weeks. Her shared house has emptied out for the next 2 weeks. She managed to get tested before coming home. Life is very different on the graduate schemes this year as no events/socialising are happening. I think her face will be glad to not have to wear a mask much for the next 2 weeks - her skin looks very irritated from wearing a mask 8+ hours a day. DD1 has been living back at home since April (having only started her grad job in January) and is still working from home and very bored. She only has 1 day of work left before breaking up for Christmas. It will be a quiet Christmas compared to normal. DH will be working shifts still but has 4 days off shift from Christmas Day. I am not going in to the office this week and wfh. All trying to stay as safe as possible. We are in tier 2 at the moment but I am sure that will be changed in the next couple of weeks - we will probably all be put in lockdown again.
I hope everybody is keeping well and coping.

I hope everyone is in the parts of the country they want to be in, with the family members they want to be with, to have the Christmas they planned. I feel so sorry for students who were planning flights or trains home to family for Christmas and are now stuck in London alone. I'm feeling very fortunate in tier 2, having both ds home already and elderly parents round the corner, so a low key Haffdonga family Christmas is still on the cards.

@simbobs your dd's decision sounds very sensible, especially with things as they are at the moment. I have a relative who was a very successful international sports person and after retiring from her sport went into education in her 40s. She set herself incredibly high standards, but has struggled with her mental health after a long term relationship break up, the end of her sport career and the pressure of the degree. The reduction of stress by extending the course time has made all the difference to her and she's doing brilliantly. I'm sure your dd will be pleased she's doing this.

Ds2's 24 hour open book exam seemed to have gone ok (at least he's not saying it didn't) and he's now trying and failing to motivate himself to write an essay due in after Christmas. (He's much more chatty than usual and willing to spend family time together when he has an essay waiting to be written upstairs ).

To be honest, DD hasn't mentioned that she is going part-time for MH reasons, but she has been really struggling with the workload by the sound of it. She never feels she has time for anything else, even going out for a walk, and with everything online no longer even walking to lectures. She is hoping that things ease up by the beginning of February and that they will have some f2f content. She is a natural loner but will socialise if in a more social situation. There isn't much prospect of that if spending most time alone, which she has done for the last 3 months. She does live with a friend but she likewise keeps her head down. From what I can gather splitting the year is not uncommon request these days.

@simbobs, it sounds like a very sensible decision by your DD.

@Haffdonga, same here. DDs have been back a fortnight, my dad has been here since March apart from 2 weeks in July. We had exactly the same people for Christmas in 2019.

Finally finished the laundry mountain from the DDs - nice weather meant it dried on the lines outside. DDs, DF and I are collecting the turkey on Tuesday so we are treating ourselves to breakfast in town. On Wednesday I was planning on going to Lidl, then on Christmas Eve, the forecast is good so we'll probably head down to the beach for a walk. The Christmas Day swim is cancelled so we can have a light breakfast together, maybe even with Bucks Fizz as nobody needs to drive.

We’re now in tier four so Christmas Day isn’t exactly going to be very exciting. Due to the lack of international travel there will only be DH, DS and I. Dinner is from Cook and then we’re planning a long run through Green and Hyde Parks.

Glad everyone's doing ok given the peculiar circumstances we are in. I think it's good that unis recognise the need for flexibility.
My dad died suddenly during my 2nd year. I had 2 weeks off and then was back with barely an acknowledgement from anyone. At the time I just got on with it, but thank goodness we have moved on with pastoral care for young people.

Our Christmas Eve meal at DS1's house is now going to be on Christmas Day, but as brief a visit as we can manage. My MiL who is in our bubble is desperate to see their new house, but we are going to take her crockery and cutlery and sit her near a window.
DS2 is working hard as he has several essays due to be submitted in early January. He's hoping to go back mid January.
I'm going to see my mum tomorrow. I haven't seen her in person since mid September because she worries about me working in a school. I've got my fingers crossed she doesn't phone to cancel me in the morning as I'd already been to M and S yesterday morning to get us some goodies!😋🌲
She's not allowing me to take DS2 along even though she knows he got a negative test before he came home and hasn't been out and about since.

It is so difficult to do the right thing by everyone. Both of my DC had covid but we have no idea whether they are still immune. DH saw his parents briefly when picking up DD but with distance and open doors. I haven't seen my family for over a year due to lockdown, and don't envisage that happening for some time yet.
I can't wait until this is a memory.

Ah, Simbobs, that's so tough and, as you say, it's the uncertainty about immunity with it being such new territory for the medics. I agree, it is hard to know what to do for the best.

@simbobs, same here - can’t visit my mum who has advanced dementia and survived covid in her nursing home over 200miles away, and daren’t visit my lovely aunt and uncle. Maybe next summer?

On my in-laws side, we cancelled our normal Boxing Day big get-together a while ago with the intention of having a delayed one at Easter - but I am starting to think that won’t be feasible the way things are going.
I am sorry for those of you haven’t been able to see their parents - it must be very difficult. We are lucky in that I was driving over to see my mum every week (2 hours away) but in her garden until recently. Unfortunately she has been ill and hospitalised (now home & recovering) so my sister and I have had to make the decision that we do go in her house now providing care (but with masks on and distancing).

Roll on the vaccine, at least for our older parents.

We've bought a rapid Covid blood test (finger prick} to administer to DS1 on Christmas eve as a precaution before the grandparents visit. He's stacking supermarket shelves but DH, DS2 and I aren't going out so if any of us are infected it will most likely be DS1 first. I know the tests aren't 100% accurate but my parents are so desperate to come we're trying to think how to minimise risks. I'm not feeling comfortable about the idea at all though.

So tough for everyone.

@Haffdonga I think the elders should be made aware of the level of risk and make the decision as to whether they are happy to take it. A wise old lady I know said that she would rather die of the virus than of loneliness, and wanted to see her family rather than shield.

I agree @simbobs. To be fair, if I was 80+ I'd take the risk, rather than miss seeing the family.
Sounds horrible but at that age, there are no guarantees of many more Christmases 🤨

I agree too.

Yes. That's exactly the conclusion we've come to too. I've spoken very clearly to my parents and spelled out the risks. They've made the choice. DF is in his 90s and DM in her 80s but thankfully both still have all their faculties and fully understand what they're choosing. They've been holding out all year looking forward to Christmas together with both our ds home, and the thought of cancelling was enough to tip my dad to tears for the first time I've ever seen. Frankly we don't know how many more Christmases we'll have together so it wasn't a hard decision.

Now I'm on to thinking through the logistics of a covid-safer Christmas dinner - separate gravy boats, sprout dishes, bottles of fizz at 2 ends of an extended table, no cracker pulling outwith your household, no elves ds1 and ds2 handing out the presents from under the tree, no games of monopoly (hurray!) In fact it does seem to have some advantages