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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Should I leave uni?

16 replies

Janualla · 10/01/2020 16:33

For background, I am in my early fifties and started a degree last September.

At first only my husband knew. We didn't tell other people because I really wasn't sure how I would be at uni and wanted to be able to leave without people's questions etc. He accidentally let it slip to someone a few weeks ago so the family now knows.

I've never been sure about it since I started. I'm doing well with the work but just can't help feeling it's not really worth it. It was more of a case that I had always wanted to go all my life and then realised I could but it doesn't seem as important as it used to.

It is a two-year degree but I feel I could be doing other things. Already it eats into a lot of time and that will get much worse.

Plus, I hate the idea of people knowing if I leave because it will look like I am unable to do the work, which I'm not.

I know that sounds ridiculous but I do tend to try a lot of things then not stick with them so it will be something else I 'didn't stick with'.

Having said that I think it would do my confidence good to stick with it and get there.

If I decide to leave I think now is the time before the next term starts in just over a week.

What do you think?

OP posts:
orangejuicer · 10/01/2020 17:27

Ignore everyone else - why did you sign up to begin with?

aibutohavethisusername · 10/01/2020 17:30

What are studying?

I’m sure it would give you a huge boost to finish it.

Original poster
Janualla · 10/01/2020 17:43

Hi thank you for replying!

It's quite complicated but I lost my confidence and couldn't get back into the work place. I tried my own business, but it didn't work. I really wanted to get to work.

I felt that getting a degree would at least give me something to show for a few years and say something about me and would give me confidence so I would do better at interviews.

As said before it was a dream for a long time but I've been through quite a lot of trauma and loss these past recent years and it puts things in perspective.

If I do leave I will start looking for work but that didn't go that well last time!

I am lucky as my husband works and is really happy for me to be at uni.

In the grand scheme of things, 2 years is nothing but I am very conscious of time passing and after people my age and younger suddenly dying I'm wondering if I want to be stuck at a computer/in a library/in lectures until August 2022.

Having said that, I could live till I am 90!

I realise this is a problem many people would like to have but it really is getting me down.

OP posts:
Original poster
Janualla · 10/01/2020 17:48

Sorry, I am studying English Lit and Creative Writing.

One of my ambitions is to get a novel published. I know I won't do this under my own steam. Being at uni forces me to do it so there is a good reason for staying, but I'm still all over the place.

OP posts:
calllaaalllaaammma · 10/01/2020 17:52

I think you might regret leaving in a few years time if you drop out.

VeniVidiVoxi · 10/01/2020 17:58

Can you go to student support and ask them to help you? At my uni they are really good and can help you see the wood for the trees. Real life help considering everything will be super useful at this stage, it could be life changing so don't give up just yet!

ReturnfromtheStars · 10/01/2020 18:05

Do you enjoy doing it? If yes, then it won't feel like being stuck in a library, more like doing exciting stuff in the library.

SarahAndQuack · 10/01/2020 20:35

I think stick with it.

You are doing well with the work, you say. And you say you have a bit of a tendency to not finish things. I wonder if you're self-sabotaging? Some people do this (I do). You get into the habit of failing or not completing things, so you start finding reasons to fail/not complete things, because the prospect of success gets to see scary.

Can you say more about why you feel reluctant about continuing?

CmdrCressidaDuck · 10/01/2020 20:41

I think you should stick with it. You started it for a reason and you could do with getting out of your pattern of not sticking with things.

You can find a PT job or do some self-employed work on the side as well.

Studying is a joy and can be wonderful fun. It's a huge privilege to have the chance to devote yourself full-time to acquiring knowledge, and unlike an 18yo you have the life experience and perspective to really make the most of it.

Onceuponatimethen · 10/01/2020 20:44

Stick with it op!! You can do it!

Neighneigh · 10/01/2020 20:46

I think that at any age, university is more than just the academic study & getting a degree at the end. It's about meeting new people, finding new experiences, all that jazz. I'd imagine most students are younger than you but are there any societies or activities the older students are more drawn to? Any volunteer opportunities you could take up? Two years is actually quite a short period of time, do stick at it. You'll likely come out at the end with new skills, friends, and connections. University is what you make of it (and I say that as someone who hated my first year, hated hated it

Ariela · 10/01/2020 21:01

Oh do carry on! It'll be worth it, and open the door to another era for you.

HerRoyalNotness · 10/01/2020 21:07

Stick with it. It took me a little while to settle in to my degree (46 now) and I still have strops about just quitting. We sound similar in that I’ve not stuck with anything before and have given up in the early stages of a degree before, and have also been job hunting with no success for a long time so thought I’d start it. The difference being I’m part time online so have been at it for 4years, 2 years to go Sad. I know I’ll be glad to finish it and really proud of myself so I just keep visualising myself receiving my degree to keep me going.

You can do it!!

Hello1290 · 10/01/2020 21:41

If it's a two year degree you will be finished in August 2021 so only another 18 months if I have understood rightly ? If you are enjoying it and can cope with the work I would say stick with it.

HouseyNousey · 15/01/2020 15:33

Thank you to everyone for all your encouragement. Yes, Hello1290, it IS 2021 not 2022.

I have altered how I look at it. My aim is to write a novel and have it published. I know my chances of doing this are far greater if I stay at uni than if I leave, so mainly for that reason, I am staying.

I have already written a short story which I plan to enter into the Bridport Prize this year. This is in itself an achievement that i would not have managed without being at uni.

I will never love uni but now see it clearly as a means to an end and am determined to stick it out!!

Fatpotato · 15/01/2020 21:41

I am older than you and have always wanted to do a masters degree, so I started one last September. I have found doing the work quite stressful at times and I am awaiting the results of my first assessment which is really nerve racking! I am in a position now where I just work a couple of days a week, so I have the time and I thought why not.

If you have taken out a loan, you probably won’t ever pay it back, so why not just give it your best shot and get on with it. I have found that when I tell people I am doing it, they say how lovely and I wish I could do something like that. Just think of your photos in cap and gown at the end - you would probably regret it if you didn’t finish it now.

Good luck and I hope you achieve your dream of writing a novel. I am planning my PhD already!

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