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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

How can I convince my niece .....

35 replies

earlgrey · 24/08/2007 08:36

... that just because she's not got the hall of residence she wanted in Manchester not to throw it all in?

She got two As and a B, and was due to read Bio Medical Science. Completely hacked off that she has to share her bathroom with 25 others, and that her friend has got an ensuite.

She wants to put it off for a year and do medicine instead - on the basis of the accommodation she's been offered - but doesn't, in her words, "fancy putting my fingers up people's bums for a year".

I find it hard to understand she went through all that hard work for nothing. Last night four of her London school friends came to our house in Oxford for a celebration. They had a really nice day, but I can't help feeling for her.

Any ideas?

OP posts:

SecondhandRose · 24/08/2007 08:39

Couldn't she share a rented house with a few of the 25 others once she gets to know who she does and doesn't like.

There must be more than one bathroom to 25 people surely. No one would ever get to lectures otherwise, especially girls.

If her friend has an ensuite would she share a room with her?

pooka · 24/08/2007 08:40

God I remember being absolutely beside myself when I found out that I hadn't got my preferred hall. Was faced with the prospect of sharing a room, and I just couldn't face it. Fortunately, a place came up in a new student village which was OK because had flats with 10 bedrooms for 2 bathrooms.
With hindsight of course, I can't believe that I was such a drama queen about it. My mother was not the type to accept last minute bolting though, so I can't imagine that I'd have had much choice of changing plans. Have to say that my response was partly tempered by the prospect of leaving my boyfriend at home and fear that he wouldn't be able to visit if I had a shared room. Of course, as things go, he didn't vsit anyway and we broke up pretty sharpish!

gess · 24/08/2007 08:40

Erm how much work exerience does she have? She needs a lot for medicine.

If it's only because of the bathroom then she's mad, perhaps there's another reason (boyfriend?? etc etc).

Wheelybug · 24/08/2007 08:41

They get ensuite bathrooms at university these days ???? Sheeesh...

Anyway, back to the point - can you tell her that lots of people drop out in the early days (well they did in my day and presume more so now because of the cost) so they might have a waiting list for transferring to the better halls.

Also, could she be persuaded to go for a bit and if she really couldn't hack it to then defer for a year. Thats how my parents got me to go to university - just try it we'll come and pick you up whenever you want to give it up. Needless to say once I got there and found the bar and some friends I didn't look back.......

pooka · 24/08/2007 08:43

Actually - agreee with SHR. Am pretty certain that there is no way she'd have to share a bathroom with 25 others. Even in the older halls of residence at my university, there were probably at least 1 bathroom for 10 students as well as WCs.
If she's that bothered by bathing, couldn't she join the Uiversity sports centre and use showers there as well.
It seems really trivial, but then at that age I remember lots of what I perceive as being trivial things now having enormous significance.

LIZS · 24/08/2007 08:49

I had an ensuite in my final year 20 years ago ! But prior to that had shared with an entire floor, maybe 20 rooms, and a 2 bed house with 4 of us (5 if you include the stay over bf ). ime what goes around comes around. Her friend probably won't get that lucky every year. She can't be that committed to the course itself to be so easily put of or reconsidering her options , so perhaps it would be for the best if she did defer. Suggest she revisits before making up her mind.

Original poster

earlgrey · 24/08/2007 08:49

The thing is, apparantly now you have to pay for the whole year's accommodation up front, so she'd really be stuck if she found somewhere nicer to be.

OP posts:

LIZS · 24/08/2007 08:51

oh and we had a separate wc(maybe 2), shower room and bathroom for those 20 odd rooms.

pooka · 24/08/2007 08:54

We also had to pay for the whole year up front, and that was 16 years ago.
It's hard because as much as you tell her that it wont matter once she gets there, and that it will seem really insignificant in 3 years time, she probably won't believe you.
I'd be concerned that she wouldn't be likely to get in anywhere as prestigious as Manchester to do medicine, given how over-subscribed those courses are, and the fact that in vacillating like this she isn't exactly displaying committment and a pure desire to be a doctor.
What are her parents saying? I don't know how my mother managed it, but she was really really good at making me do things when I freaked out about trivial things. Wish I could hone that talent.

Original poster

earlgrey · 24/08/2007 08:54

LIZS - eg shudders! She thought of asking her GP to give her a note saying she's got - oh, what is it, when you keep on having to wash all the time - she has 3 showers a day!

My sister and I thought that probably wouldn't stand her in good stead for a job afterwards .....

OP posts:

Original poster

earlgrey · 24/08/2007 08:57

pooka, is Manchester prestigious? Really? Our next door neighbour's daughter's going to flippin' Cambridge to study Medicine.

OP posts:

tigerschick · 24/08/2007 08:58

Agree with several things here -
Can't believe that it really is one bathroom to 25 people - my halls in Manchester were decrepit and we had 2 loos and a bathroom to 12 people.
It's only for the first year - during which time she will be very busy.
I like the idea of saying that she may as well go and see how it is. There must be a system of allowing her to transfer the fees to next year if she does decide to defer.
Really hope you and she are able to sort something out soon, what do her parents say?

Blandmum · 24/08/2007 08:58

If she is serious about getting in to do medicine she is, as gess said, going to need a lot of relevant work experience. Kids that I teach work as volenteers in elderly care homes on a weekly basis/ work in hospices etc.

She is going to have to do a fair amount of 'icky' stuff in her year off if she is going to get into med school. And possibly up the B grade to an A.

Wheelybug · 24/08/2007 09:02

I'm sure we had to pay termly for accomodation - after all grants came termly so those people getting grants would have been a bit stuffed.

Well, I still say, although its a gamble to tell her to try it (unless, of course, she really does want to do medicine instead) and see if she likes it. I would bet money on the fact that, unless the course really wasn't for her, once she's got friends and got into university life she'll love it.

gess · 24/08/2007 09:04

yep MB I thought the B may need to go up to an A as well (she should probably at least attempt a retake) but she would need work experience coming out of her ears- as you said care homes provide excellent work experience, shadowing GP's if she can, volunteering with children with learning disabilities might go down well, especially children with PMLDs so there's a high care element.

AAB is nothing special when applying for medicine so she would need to make herself stand out (and what if she gets a dodgy bathroom then??? )

tribpot · 24/08/2007 09:04

I was really peed off when I found out which halls I had been assigned to (and had to share a room) but it didn't occur to me not to go as a result. And we did only have one bathroom between 25, albeit there were two showers and a bath.

Accommodation is a lot more tied-down now that it was in our day, i.e. my friend who is a student at Leeds now had to sign a contract for the upcoming academic year back in January!

I would assume, however, that she could get out of halls if she could find someone to replace her. Or maybe turn down the place and find a rented place instead? There are bound to be second years advertising for someone to fill a room in a shared house because a person's dropped out or similar.

Blandmum · 24/08/2007 09:08

The last Kid I taught who went into medicine had 4 As and three years of weekly work experience. He didn't get in after two years, but one of the med schools asked him to defer and apply after a year. He did so, took his A2 Biology (to go with the 3 As he already had in Physics, Chemistry and Maths) and did an AS in Music for fun. He worked in a psychogeriatric ward and borrowed University Neuroscience texts from me.

He got in, but t was so hard work and he was a real super star. Nice kid as well!

gess · 24/08/2007 09:13

I had a student like that, didn't get in with AAB and work experience, so took a year to retake the B and do a new A level from scratch & carry on with the work experience, which I think finished with 3 months volunteering on somethng medical in India! Have also seen students who would have been excellent doctors not get in with AAB

Lilymaid · 24/08/2007 09:19

Mmm, is she that bothered about getting a degree if the lack of ensuite facilities is a deciding factor? Even if she got an ensuite in the first year, she would probably share a house with others in subsequest years without an ensuite. She doesn't sound as though she really wants to do the real work involved in being a practising medic either!

littlelapin · 24/08/2007 09:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brandnewhelsy · 24/08/2007 09:33

It sounds like the room issue is just an excuse - perhaps she's nervous/unsure about going and perhaps a year off would help?
She shouldn't have to pay for the year's accommodation upfront - most places let you pay in three instalments - but it may be difficult for her to break her contract if she decided she didn't want to stay.
I'm amazed by the number of students who feel they MUST have an ensuite - did they all have private bathrooms at home?
She may be sharing bathroom facilities with 25 in total. That may not mean there's just one bathroom! Can someone go with her to see what she has been offered? I think there are websites students can go on to chat with other students going to the same place to exchange views/concerns - not a recommendation that she does that, I've never used them!

brandnewhelsy · 24/08/2007 09:38

The other thing is, she could see whether she can be put on a waiting list for a move to an ensuite should one become available. Meanwhile, she may find that where she's been put is not that bad once she starts to make friends.There are normally lots of changes and moves in and out during the first weeks of a new term.

MrsPuddleduck · 24/08/2007 09:42

Do you think she picked Bio Medical Science as a "safe bet" thinking she wouldn't get the grades to study medicine.

Now that she has the grades to study medicine perhaps she wants to change her mind even if it does mean waiting for a year.

Blandmum · 24/08/2007 09:43

The collage I went to, (considered quite a posh one btw) still doesn't have 100% ensuite bathrooms. And that isn't considered odd.

She'll not have an ensuite in a shared student house in her later years either.

LIZS · 24/08/2007 09:45

Is her friend with the ensuite even going to the same Uni though, I wasn't sure . They may simply not exist there or be prioritised for mature/post grad students !

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