Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Sharing a room at university

47 replies

olympicfan · 20/10/2019 12:12

What have DC's experience been? Has it been positive or was it a nightmare?

I shared years ago, but I already knew my room mate. I wondered about more recent experiences rather than 30 years back!

OP posts:

user1471504234 · 22/10/2019 07:41

I shared in first year. I only realised it was a shared room when I arrived at my halls for the first time. It was great! My roommate and I got on really well, as was the experience of pretty much all my friends who had shared rooms (there were LOTS where I went).
The only negative moment was after I put out the light on my first night there and thought ‘oh shit, if I can’t sleep I’m just going to have to lie here in the dark’ so I wouldn’t disturb my roommate. It was never an issue in the end though!

RoomShareHell · 22/10/2019 07:43

Thanks both. Apparently university accommodation has been over allocated and people are sleeping in common areas in several halls.

She has now raised concerns three times about her safety due to three separate incidents. This is the start of week 6. She feels they are treating it as some kind of personality clash not a safety breach and completely fobbing her off. To rub salt into the wound, as a result of the most recent incident that she reported, my DD has just been issued with a written set of room share guidelines re guests (interesting name for it!) together with the other girl. She effectively has been told to sort it out between themselves. So, no warning issued and no repercussions to her. It beggars belief.

I think they have a duty of care and they are completely failing her. My DD doesn’t want to move as she has friends close by and otherwise is happy. I want to explicitly put in writing exactly what has been happening so they cannot deny it further down the line. Presently they appear to be sanitising it and talking in generalities about guests. I feel they are being deliberately obtuse.

Of course although it is parents who are footing the bill the guidance makes clear that contracts are with the student. Hence they are able to talk over and ignore young people. I will ask my DD to email saying she gives permission for me to be her advocate. We are beyond furious and feel she is being really let down.

BubblesBuddy · 22/10/2019 08:00

Where DD1 went to university they knew the insurance students presented accommodation problems and they held a weekend hosted by the university to flat search in the city. They were intending students to meet up with other students, gel, and then flat search. This was to avoid the over crowding of halls. DD was allocates her shared room before this happened but I imagine other students were sent flat hunting.

It appears there isn’t really a good solution to this. I didn’t think universities were building new shared accommodation. Also there are loads of privately run accommodation blocks. They are on the university web sites but are not run by them. Is this shared room in one of these buildings RoomShareHell? Students will start to drop out.

RoomShareHell · 22/10/2019 08:08

It is one of the university owned residences Bubbles
It is certainly not cheap either. They are pulling in over £15,000 for this one small shared room on a catered basis.

foodname · 22/10/2019 08:18

My idea of hell. I studied in the US for a bit and rented privately off campus to avoid dorms. Not my cup of tea! It wasn't an option in my UK uni.

QuaterMiss · 22/10/2019 08:58

That does sound horrendous, RoomShare. Can she really not move this week, with your help, to privately rented accommodation?

Surely it would be cheaper to commute, even from one end of the country to the other? (Only in the short term, obviously.)

drspouse · 22/10/2019 09:06

I shared in my first year over 30 years ago, in one of the universities mentioned. It was also a lovely old room and I chose to share after the original roommate moved out. But there were some unsuitable pairs and indeed some blokes brought back to a shared room.

AChickenCalledDaal · 22/10/2019 09:17

My mind is boggling at a university turning a blind eye to a student having sex in front of an unwilling observer on university premises. I don't care if they are adults - surely there is still a basic duty of care towards young people who need a safe and secure living environment.

RoomShare I really feel for you and hope you can get this sorted. There are definitely times when it's still perfectly reasonable for a parent to make some noise on behalf of their young adult.

RoomShareHell · 22/10/2019 10:12

AChicken She actually woke when they came into the room and made it clear she was awake! No doubting what was on the agenda though.

2Rebecca · 22/10/2019 17:42

My son had to share in his year in Prague. It wasn't a great experience, 2 of them in a tiny room with his flatmate having limited English (not Czech) and setting his alarm every morning then ignoring it when it went off every 10 minutes. It was very cheap though and he is keen to return to Prague to work/ study in the future as he loved the city and some of the modules he studied there.

YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 22/10/2019 17:51

RoomShareHell. I know you don't want to say where your daughter is, but if she is in a Durham college she needs to speak to the Vice Principal or the Senior Student Support Officer.

bigTillyMint · 22/10/2019 18:05

@RoomShareHell, that sounds horrendous for your DD. She definitely needs to take it higher. And why should she have to be the one to move out? That's not fair.

Obviously many if not most students want to be able to have guests - shared rooms seem so antiquated and not on to allocate unless the student actively wants to share.

A shared room woyld have been a deal breaker for DD and DS - thank God it didn't come to that!

RoomShareHell · 22/10/2019 18:19

YoureAllABunch it’s not Durham but it is another University with a long tradition of first years sharing. I have now identified who I need to contact. I am putting together something now expressing our deep concern and will get my daughter to email to say she is happy for me to be contacting them and is in agreement with what I am saying. It is too much to put on young shoulders and the so called pastoral staff’s lack of basic empathy and support for a young person in emotional distress through someone else’ careless disregard for their safety is nothing short of shocking. I am truly astounded that in this day and age they think they can get away with it.

Of course I am also absolutely boiling over with rage but trying to calmly put across my concerns.

Benjispruce · 02/11/2019 08:22

DD was allocated a shared room at Durham (Collingwood) after stating on her forms that she wasn’t willing to share. We had a stressful weekend as it was only allocated a few weeks before she was due to start. Luckily after she emailed to say she really wasn’t happy, they moved her to a single room. The shared room had an en-suite but was not cheaper so was of no real benefit to her. The vast majority are not shared but some colleges still have them (16 out of 500 at Collingwood)

Hoghgyni · 02/11/2019 18:54

Benji when had she accepted their offer & been allocated a college? This does worry me about Durham. Been there, done that & wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Benjispruce · 03/11/2019 13:11

She accepted the offer then allocated a college in May. After results she got a pack including a question that was to help match them to flat mates. It asked if you wanted to share, she said no.

Tinseltrauma · 03/11/2019 14:19

DS actually chose a shared room (Durham). We expected one roommate but it is actually two! They have a lovely big space and are all getting on really well so far. DS says it is his best decision and has already signed up for a house next year with a group including his two roommates. He feels freshers week and the initial settling in was far easier for him having ready made friends so to speak. He is a fairly chilled out character but I'm aware he's been lucky it's all worked out.fingers crossed it continues!

Orangecake123 · 03/11/2019 14:25

I did this for the first two years and honestly would never do it again.

The girl I had would always have her boyfriend over. The final straw was when she let her boyfriend stay overnight in OUR room without even asking me first. This is without her setting her stupid alarms at 5.00am. Yet I wasn't allowed make skype calls in the room, whilst she did.

Benjispruce · 03/11/2019 17:12

That’s the problem; it could be great but it’s so risky. Should only be for those that want to. Hard enough as it is settling somewhere new without having a private space to retreat to.

Hoghgyni · 03/11/2019 18:26

I did wonder if it was only boarding school types or those going to the same place as their best friend who risked it these days. Hopefully an early offer & acceptance will minimise the risk but I do feel for your Dd Benji.

Benjispruce · 03/11/2019 19:11

She got moved so no problem in the end thankfully

Tinseltrauma · 03/11/2019 22:37

@Hoghgyni DS wasn't boarding school and didn't know anyone else before he went. But we were a little apprehensive, and are so pleased it seems to have worked out. On the open days they did stress over and over again that room shares work out in the vast majority of cases and people often end up being life long friends.

Flip

1 2