Do you think your children are brighter than you are?

[cyrene]

I went to a pretty crappy university and came out with a 2.2 after working really hard throughout school and coming from a council estate.

My three kids have done very well in school (not boasting before the inevitable), one at Oxbridge, another doing dentistry, and the other a medic.

So yes, I think they are brighter than me. Will anyone else admit it ?

No, but they are work harder. They aren't curious in the way I was. I was very clever. Not that you'd know nowadays apart from my awesome university challenge skillz

I think people now have better access to information and the population as a whole is now traine to jump through certain hoops, including tests which we currently take to indicate intelligence. But I dont think each successive generation is getting brighter.

My mother is much more academic than me. I have a 1st from an RG uni, but my mum recently went and got one too, in a much harder subject, in her late 50s, so I’m pretty sure she beats me! DS is 2. Yesterday I had to stop him eating paint.
So I’m pretty sure I win this one for now!

My dd is very bright and very interested in reading, but she is not at all academic: she is aiming at a career in performing arts. The difference between us is that she doesn't ask "why?", she asks "how?". I'm an academic, I ask "why?" every single time.

Ds is not at all academic; managed to struggle through some of the basic GCSE's. Hopefully, he will find something practical to do that will fulfil him and make him happy. He is a bright enough lad, but refuses to get into any arguments with me because, as he says, "I know I can't win against you".

(But then my dh also knows he can't out-argue me. Doesn't dent his confidence, he is good at other things instead.)

None of the above surprises me: we are a very mixed extended family, with some of us doing advanced research, some manual work. A pretty mixed gene pool, I would say.

I did not have "all advantages" in the British sense: no private school or special selection of gifted playmates that comes with private education: I very much grew up in the kind of environment where liking books would get you bullied in the playground. But I had parents who read widely in many different languages and our house was full of music. My children have had the same (though painting instead of music).

One of ours is - just seems to have a mind that absorbs all information presented to him and constantly asks questions. It’s amazing to see as neither me or DH are like that. We both have post graduate degrees, but DS is just wired a particular way. The other two are conscientious and thoughtful, which may just stand them in better stead as the years go on. It’ll be fascinating to see them grow up.

I don’t think so and is also caused frustration, I was always a, why person. However had parents who scoffed at education, you got a decent job, for them that meant factory, retail work. That’s fine but I wanted more. Never encouraged and in fact discouraged. So left school with no GCSEs ended up leaving home at 17 and moving to London with nothing. Worked my way into jobs, career by mostly talk. Enemies up completing a degree and professional qualifications it’s been so hard, my criminal layabout 40 brother has more respect from them.

My dd is bright, I put her through private prep and she passed her 11+ and is now in a good Grammar but has no motivation, does the minimum to get through. I think she could be amazing but it’s a fight. I think my poor background was a motivator whereas she doesn’t have those worries.

*ended up. Lots of typos.

My dd is a hard worker, book smart and academically ambitious. She has always been thought of a very bright. My ds is very bright but not book smart. He does enough to get through but if he put in dd’s effort he would achieve higher than she does. I took a degree as a mature student; got a first. On paper I’m the best so far

I worked very hard but struggled academically, l have two exams equivalent to GCSEs in my name. I worked hard and was willing to do anything at work, and ended up with a good job so things worked out for me.

DD already has 11 very respectable GCSEs to her name, hopefully by the end of summer will have three good A levels and be on her way to a top UK uni. I'd have never got there. I think it's a combination of being more intelligent, work hard and aiming high that'll get her where she goes.

Difficult to tell as I was quite academic and had a drive to do the best I could and got a 1st at Uni.
Ds1 and 2 irritated me with things phrased as "I only need x marks to pass" rather than striving for their best.
Ds1 is more creative than me (takes after his Dad) and loving his uni course.
DS2 is capable, but not applying it as well as he could do its nail biting for me watching the lack of revision coming up to Advanced Highers.

I’d say similar

I have identical A levels to some of mine but whether mine in the 70s were harder than those who did them 15 years ago or my last children who did them nearly 2 years ago who knows?

My daughters and I are London lawyers. I think we are all pretty much the same going by general knowledge, conversation etc. None of them have won the university prizes I did however and none has my 152 mensa score etc laughing as I type and none earns what I do so I am not prepared to cede position as top dog as yet.

Possibly your children learned to punctuate to primary school level, though?

Dc are too young to tell... I have done well academically (1st from good Uni and PhD), and i think i would feel sad if they struggle academically as i feel it restricts options/ must make school a real struggle.

Statistically i think IQ tends to regress towards the mean. So, on average, if you're very intelligent your children will be less intelligent, but if you're not, your children.will likely exceed you (assuming
the parents are of a broadly similar level).

Hard to tell.

I'm fairly intelligent and work as an academic.

I don't think my teen dd is as intelligent as me. But maybe I wasn't as intelligent at her age as I am now? Or certainly hadn't polished what intelligence I had into an academic output.

Dd thought the numbers on the tumble dryer dial was temperature not minutes. So kept setting the dial to 30 because the label says "wash at 30". I don't know how she will survive in the world.

But my friends say I'm brainy but with no common sense so maybe she is like me!

Nico

I won't lie, that sounds highly arrogant. Intelligence and common sense are not directly correlated.

And I think if you had a high IQ you'd know that.

You should wish your child to be more intelligent than you. Not be putting them down and blowing your own trumpet.

I won't lie, that sounds highly arrogant. Intelligence and common sense are not directly correlated.

Mmm, yeah I know which is why I said I'm quite brainy with no common sense. I actually thought I was poking fun at myself.

Of course I wish my child was more intelligent than me.

Should I lie? Should I say she is when I'm not convinced she is? I've got a masters and it's looking like she's not going to brilliantly in her A levels. Of course that may be down to lack of application and other issues and perhaps she will find her niche later on.

That's not putting her down, it's being honest/realistic. I love her to bits and she has excellent qualities. She's certainly better than me at a number of things such as art and design. Academic intelligence is not the be all and end all.

The OP asked a question and I answered it honestly.

The younger dd is yes. The older dd no but they will both shine in different ways and in different careers. I’ve come to think it’s more important to be unconventional than it is to get an array of gcses

DH was brought up poor, v clever and went to Oxbridge. Brain the size of a planet and geekily charming. Professionally and intellectually a rainmaker and knows how to duck and dive.

I was v rich, no interest in education but duck and dive and am probably quite bright. Loved work and v successful in two careers.

Both DC v v clever. Both Oxbridge. Not sure they will ever be able to duck and dive due to their absolute privilege both intellectually and socially. It irks me but I suspect they lack the hunger to prove themselves.

Brilliant dc though and v lovely.

. I’ve come to think it’s more important to be unconventional than it is to get an array of gcses

I totally agree that there's more to life than academic qualifications and conventional intelligence. The most successful person I know has no or very few qualifications to his name, left school at 16. He has vision, high emotional intelligence, excellent people skills and drive.

My DD is definitely more intelligent in that she finds things easier. I’ve achieved quite well but I have to work hard, DD just grasps things much quicker than the rest of us. Husband has done well in manual job so no idea where she gets it from. It’s pretty amazing to see.

Dd1 is about the same level of intelligence as me, but she's got better A levels than I do. Mainly because the teaching seems better, or more specifically, better preparation for the exams. And I suppose I should admit she worked harder as well, she worked during her study periods at sixth form, I went to the cake shop and met up with boys from the school next door. I did get a first from a good uni though, and DD plans on getting that as well, time will tell.

Dd2 seems more average, but she's only 9. She's doing well at school, but isn't interested in reading for pleasure or doing puzzles independently like dd1 was at the same age. She seems to be slightly more confident and imaginative though, so it's really just a different type of intelligence.

Mine is much more intelligent than me and I have a pretty high IQ. She is fiercely intelligent. Happily she doesn't mind being my consultant on academic matters. I still win at scrabble though.

My DS1 is much, much better at maths (and even physics) than I ever was. He’s on course for a 1st from Warwick, got 3 x A* for his A levels, but has little interest in history or ‘general knowledge.’ We were chatting with his girlfriend (history student) and he didn’t know who Richard 1st was or King John (despite Robin Hood!) and hadn’t heard of the Magna Carter. So, yes, I got a 2:2 in physics from an average university in the 1980s and would never have got a 1st in a million years. But he doesn’t read books and has only recently started being interested in current affairs, so he doesn’t come across as particularly ‘bright’ outside his field.

DS2 has SN. He knows lots of facts, he’s fantastic at facts, but can’t analyse or extrapolate.

DS3 is more like a mixture of me and DS1. Better read than DS1, more interested in the world, but he’ll get a 2:1 or 2:2 hopefully, from a similar university to mine.

So a mixed bag, I’d say.

My dad was a bright man, went to a grammar school in the 1940s, then did national service but couldn’t afford university afterwards. I don’t think any of his children were as clever as he was, though. My mum left school at 14 and was pretty average academically I’d say. But she had other qualities.

My DD (14) works far harder than DH or I worked at her age. Having said that, she is given much more interesting work to do - she has had several really well scaffolded pieces of group work this year, culminating in a very significant, independent project that was successfully delivered. A generation ago that sort of work, involving technology and the analysis of film, just wasn’t on the cards.