Imposter Syndrome

[golanheights]

Hello I wonder if someone could advise. I've name changed for this as some friends know I'm on here and so for ds' privacy would rather they didn't know.

DS took a gap year after getting AAA in his a levels, and put down Oxford as a whim. He interviewed and was given an offer, much to his shock! He's in his first year, and doing alright but finds it a lot of work.

I think he suffers from imposter syndrome. He doesn't see why he got in and some friends who he perceives to be brighter than him didn't get in. He doesn't feel like he deserves his place at Oxford because he knows people who got 5 A*s at A level!
He feels that generally he is having to put some more work in than other people. He thinks that during tutorials other people seem to know so much more than he does from pure background knowledge.

What do I tell Ds to get through to him that he is good enough?

Can he access counselling through the university? I know I did when I was at uni (not Oxbridge!) and it was free to students. I found it really helpful.

I studied at Cambridge and I felt very similar in my first year (not helped by being BAME), if he talks to fellow students (particularly those who went to state school), he will realise he most definitely isn’t alone.

Yes, I teach in a high-flying HE institution, and imposter syndrome is common! Can you help him understand that “being bright” isn’t about knowing loads, or finding work easy - it’s about potential and most importantly, about being interesting . Oxford would not have given him a place if they were not interested in him and how he thinks.

I think he could try and build up his background knowledge. A levels are taught but they don’t help with the breadth which is useful at Oxford. Some people will absorb everything readily and easily whilst others have not thought about the subject in sufficient depth and, as you say, he didn’t expect to get a place!

He can grow in confidence by reading around the subject. I know that’s hard but he will have some time in those long holidays! Just because people get loads of A levels, it doesn’t mean they think the way Oxford needs them to! I think he will warm to the task and it’s inevitable some will need to work harder than others to make up gaps in knowledge and understanding.

The main thing is to recognise how to improve, stop worrying about others who didn’t get in (he cannot do anything about them) and tell himself he deserves to be there!

I bet at least half the kids there suffer from imposter syndrome!

Look at what a state our government is in from too many over confident Oxbridge types. Can you imagine the likes of Boris etc in a lecture - talks the talk but, when it boils down to it, he’s a prat. I expect what your son is doing is listening rather than spouting off facts which is happily exactly why your son should be there. As a pp said it’s about potential.

But it’s taken 20 years for many to work out BoJo! I would agree that being faced with lots of DC like him would be overwhelming but this won’t be the case. He’s an extreme prat! Just because people are confident it doesn’t mean they come from privileged backgrounds. There are state school prats too! However it’s still better to be yourself and work out where your gaps are. No decent tutor would let others be prominent all the time but if a DC is reticent, they just need the extra confidence that knowledge can bring.

I understand how Ur son is feeling. I went to Oxbridge from a state school and definitely had lower A level grades than most.
I struggled years 1 and 2 but got myself caught up and did very well in Finals.
It's partly confidence and also how to organise your work - I felt friends from many big public schools were better prepared for the style of Uni lectures.
There is a lot of bluster and people trying to give the impression they score highly but don't work much. You have to work hard, full stop.
I'm sure the same applies to other Unis also....

Not half - most feel insecure from what I hear because Oxbridge challenge you. According to DD a few priveledged students are very polite but feel they are just right and that can be disconcerting. But most are just working really hard to make the grade and they are all clever as is your DS. Imposter syndrome is a thing. DD Has had someone to talk to. Oxbridge know about I.S. and am sure will help.

He feels that generally he is having to put some more work in than other people. He thinks that during tutorials other people seem to know so much more than he does from pure background knowledge

They're faking it, generally. It's highly unlikely that they're also not feeling this, and working hard, while saying they're not ...

And also clichesrus "Comparison is the thief of joy"

I've been a lecturer for decades there are several common types of students, most of whom can have imposter syndrome:

1.The brilliant: never do any noticeable work other than what is compulsory, hands major projects in early because they're "good enough", have hobbies that take up lots of time (often, for some reason music, involving being up half the night). Always gets A's, sometimes submits truly amazing work apparently done on the back of a fag packet. Flicks through a text and understands it. You don't really need to teach them. Doesn't boast or crow, helps others. No danger of impostor syndrome, may actually give lecturers impostor syndrome.

1. The bullshitter: slightly above average ability, works a lot but never admits it "gaming all night again" = head down in the books. Comes out of every exam saying how easy it was and how he aced it (yes, always male). Mocks any of his friends who admit to working hard or even trying hard. Gets things in on time having "pulled an all-nighter" to do it (has actually been working steadily in secret). Seldom asks for help from staff, will leach information off friends. Everyone will know when he does well. Easy to teach but not to have as a classmate. Gets B's sometimes A's.

1. The honest slogger: average to above average ability. Spends a lot of time in the library. Has encyclopedic knowledge of submission schedule for assignments, office hours of staff and is expert at finding information. Generous to others with this knowledge. Conscientious about making sure they have a good grasp of material, will come to lecturer to ask for help, which they will share. Male or female. Works hard and effectively. Gets things in on time, complete in every aspect. Lovely to teach. Can be undermined by bullshitters. Prone to impostor syndrome. Gets lowish A's and sometimes B's.

1. The perfectionist: Average to above average ability. Struggles to finish anything, always asks for extensions to polish work (never gets them, gets upset). Sometimes has to hand in incomplete work. Anxious, unhappy. Hugely undermined by bullshitters, aspires to be a brilliant through hard work (but can never be; brilliants are born not made). Often penalised for excessive length in assignments and includes irrelevant material, bitterly contests this. Sometimes massive impostor syndrome. Sometimes suffer from thinking they are an unrecognised brilliant. Will spend hours discussing exactly what is needed for an assignment rather than starting it. Also spends hours disputing feedback in great detail. Often upset about marks. Hard work to teach. Gets B's sometimes C's occasionally worse.

1. The happy-go-lucky: average ability. Lots of friends. Does their best but doesn't go out of their way to put extra effort in. Never adds extra bells and whistles. Never complains about things, even when actually they have been hard done to. Always hands in on time saying "it is what it is", work always complete. Fun to be around, always cheerful, will happily call out bullshitters. Doesn't care if he or she is an impostor, they're having a good time. Great to teach. Gets B's or very high C's occasional A's.

1. The struggler: below average ability or has difficult circumstances. Tries hard but just can't master the work. Hands in work on time, sometimes incomplete, gets bad feedback, gets demoralised further. Utterly devastated by bullshitters. Can get through if befriended by a slogger or a happy-go-lucky, if they don't have friends will find it very hard. Needs a sympathetic study group (ideally with a brilliant who is good at explaining things - they have time to help people). Dosen't seek enough help from lecturers (probably because they are embarrassed). Often obviously very unhappy. Frustrating to teach because of reluctance to ask for help. Gets C's or worse.

The most damaging of these is the perfectionist. Most students used to be happy-go-luckies. In the olden days when a 2.2 was a perfectly acceptable degree and a 3rd was a setback but not a disaster strugglers could be happy-go-luckies. Bullshitters have always been a pain. Brilliants are, at most, 1% of a cohort.

OP's DS sounds like an honest slogger to me. My advice would be to get together with a group to study, helping each other and discussing is a great way to learn.

Interesting challenger. Am sure types fit many but not all.
My DD went to Oxbridge a sort of perfectionist and to survive and enjoy had to dump that mode of operandi very quickly. Speed reading and Getting to heart of topic quite quickly seems to be her way of working. True, she is keeping generous office hours. She also has a huge social/extra curricular life luckily too.
I think Oxbridge has a mystical aura about it OP and it's hard for students to feel a best fit straightaway.

But what's kinda annoying is that it's sometimes the bullshitters that have all the luck. They seem to be able to bullshit their way up the career ladder blinkering people in management and able to convince others to do the work that they can't do.

Howsthat123 so true. There are some companies that seem to recruit only bullshitters, I think they just choose their own reflections.

A lot of students are between my stereotypes, and have elements of more than one, and many change as time goes on. Perfectionism is infectious and hard to advise students out of. I think there is one I forgot, the strategic pragmatist; average ability, allocates their resources and efforts well, puts setbacks behind them effectively. Gets B's sometimes A's and is able to accept that sometimes they don't achieve their maximum potential. Good team worker. Positive.

Almost everyone at Oxbridge had imposter syndrome when I was there (including me).

People talk bullshit to make themselves feel better.

They wouldn't have let him in if he wasn't good enough. That's what I kept telling myself anyway, I got through!

They wouldn't have let him in if he wasn't good enough.

Exactly.
Oxbridge have an excess of applicants who are 'good enough'. It's clearly in nobody's interests for them to take a student who isn't up to it.

How they select from these applicants is obviously not merely based on school exam grades. Maybe your DS showed more genuine engagement with his subject than the ones who didn't get a place.