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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Uni Open Days - do they go alone or do you come too?

58 replies

TrainSong · 27/02/2019 15:07

DS will be looking around some unis soon. What's the etiquette? Is it better for them to go around on their own or do parents usually come along?

OP posts:
origamiunicorn · 27/02/2019 20:18

I went to all mine with a friend, as did everyone I know. I don't know anyone who took parents in my year. We were obviously in the minority though looking at this thread.

BubblesBuddy · 27/02/2019 21:29

A 17 year old should have thoughts about the course and university. My DDs certainly did. I just provided the car! They didn’t need to be told what to ask by me. If they didn’t want to ask anything, they didn’t. You can listen to the answers to questions from others.

The heavily invested parent will have a list of questions and DCs will be primed! We’ve all heard them and seen them in action. Let DC make the running and just guide them.

Short list universities and don’t go to too many. Then comparisons can be made more readily. If you and DC have looked at the web sites you will have shortlisted effectively so it’s then just seeing the university in real life. Mooching around is quite pleasant to get the feel of a place.

EllenJanesthickerknickers · 27/02/2019 21:35

Go with him OP. It won’t look out of place and it’ll be a lot less stressful for you both. It’s very different to my ‘interviews’ in the 1980s which no parents went to.

Original poster
TrainSong · 28/02/2019 07:34

Curly your post is really reassuring, thank you.

DS has autism (high functioning). Side effects are that he can be forgetful and disorganised and also socially very anxious. I really wnated to go with him but didn't want to appear to be wrapping him in cotton wool. If most people have parents along, then it will be fine for me to join him and just help him get himself organised on the day.

OP posts:
OhYouBadBadKitten · 28/02/2019 07:49

Dd went to some with friends and some with me.
The ones we did together were really nice, we got to talk during the journey and in the evening about all sorts of things we wouldn't get round to in every day life. I look back in fondness at exploring new places together.

ifonly4 · 28/02/2019 11:10

DD did one on her own with a friend (London). We did the others with her as it was more practical to drive, or in the case of the two 350/400 miles away we wanted to see for ourselves what we thought. Of the ones we went to, I'd say DD was on her own 20% of the time for talks, checking out things on her own.

SilentSister · 28/02/2019 11:22

DH and myself shared the load between us, driving up and down the country, we didn't both go. Most students have a parent with them. Be prepared not to be able to go in to some of the lectures if they are very busy. I was not bothered, and pottered off to have a coffee, but the behaviour of some of the other parents was really appalling. They ranted and raved, and forced their way in to the lecture theaters meaning some of the students couldn't get in, quite unbelievable.

Interviews and offer days were then done on her own and under her own steam by train.

Fazackerley · 28/02/2019 11:59

Dd and I get on really well at open days! We've had some real laughs and bonding over them.

Clankboing · 28/02/2019 13:13

The ones that I have been to over the last year - all students had parents and sometimes siblings with them. The ones that I have taken is to more recently that are combined with interviews - again, I didn't see any students without parents. Things were set up for the parents to do on the interview days for part of the day and if my husband or I didn't fancy it or had seen accommodation etc before we went elsewhere. When I was younger I did everything on my own but it is different now it seems, at least in the unis my son has visited.

Clankboing · 28/02/2019 13:19

Just read about your child having autism. I have 2 autistic children who may go to uni in years to come - I'd love to know how your son gets on during the open day if you don't mind?

MumUnderTheMoon · 28/02/2019 13:22

We went with our class. I don't know anyone who went with their parents. Doesn't mean that you can't but it's one of their first really grown up decisions that they get to make for themselves so if they want to go alone then let them.

Holidayshopping · 28/02/2019 13:25

When I went -in the 1990s-They were mid week (I think all the ones I went to were on wednesdays) and I went with my boyfriend/a friend.

Are they generally mid week now or at weekends?

Peridot1 · 28/02/2019 13:26

I think i started a thread about this last year!

I’ve been to two with DS. After lots of warnings on my thread I left him to do the talking and didn’t become ‘that’ parent who dominates he session by asking lots of questions! Which I would have anyway!

DS was glad to have me there but none of his friends were going - May have been different if they were.

From the two we did - Newcastle and Edinburgh - most were with parents.

I enjoyed it. Nice to have a couple of nights away with my boy!

Peridot1 · 28/02/2019 13:27

I wouldn’t have asked questions that should read!

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 28/02/2019 13:28

Ds1 insisted that children go alone

I think he thought me saying parents go was some sort of trap

He went all alone and when he came back he said that 80% were with parents and the others were in a grouo of friends

My poor baby Sad

I went with him to the next one he looked at Grin

NoHaudinMaWheest · 28/02/2019 13:36

I have two with autism who are now at university. I did all the open days (10 universities in all) with them and didn't feel out of place as the vast majority of students had parents with them.

i let them take the lead but with their social anxiety, I did prompt or ask questions myself too. Most one to one rather than in open sessions so as not to be 'that parent'.

Open days are usually packed and there is a lot of information to take in and filter and lots of decisions about what is most important and how to organise the day. Even getting something to eat can be tricky.

Frankly my dcs would not have coped on their own but that doesn't mean they don't cope at university. Open days are really not the same as day to day university life.

It is a good idea to check out the disability support while you are there. You can get a good feel of how helpful and clued up the disability department is by speaking to the people on the stall.

mumwon · 28/02/2019 13:40

They (dd1& ds)talked to tutor on their own but we went with them for open talks & looked at halls together - it was useful for her because afterwards when she was confused about which uni we could talk about it to her (I didn't tell her what to so - I suggested a graph - if I remember it was course, location, uni as whole, accommodation, cost, social life :) ) 3 universities & got her to mark each bit & compare herself - so she chose not us. (did need to do same with son as his choice was clear cut) but thing was both of them could talk it through with us & it was sharing this experience because after this they become (mostly!) independent adults. It was fun - travel lodges, B& B & later when they started - the journey on the motorway with cars crammed with stuff & noticing other parents with equalled crammed cars taking their dc to their universities - even now in sept & oct you can tell/guess where some of the crammed cars are going too :)

mumwon · 28/02/2019 13:44

I would also get feedback on how they deal with anxiety & mental health issues - I would hope that its not needed but if they are set up to care & support & have good reputation for this it helps & lets not forget there is a high incidence of this amongst the general student population as a whole so its important all parents & the students know that this is available

RomanyQueen1 · 28/02/2019 13:46

Our last dependant isn't there yet, but already in y10 she says she's going on her own, she's very independant.
I think it makes a difference if parents are paying as they need to know what they are paying for.
As we won't be paying she can go on her own, unless she asks us to go with her.
I don't think there's a right or wrong as long as it's what the student wants.

cestlavielife · 28/02/2019 13:49

Most go with parent or parents
In the queue for disability services it s usually Parent or parents and young personuseful to hear how they might support
Some arrange parent/carer sessions andtoursseparately while.young person has their own event ..more so for interview or applicant days

CurlyhairedAssassin · 28/02/2019 19:17

I don’t think there’s any question of OP forcing her nearly adult child to agree to let her go wirh him to open days or choosing the uni and course for him. (Please tell me the there aren’t actually parents who do those controlling sorts of things!). I think she was just asking if she would be the only parent there and embarrass her son by being there!!

Megan2018 · 28/02/2019 19:22

I work in HE, most students do have their parents with them, but not all. I’d estimate about 70% with parents, the rest with a group of friends.
It rather depends on the confidence of the applicant, I think most benefit from parental involvement.

BubblesBuddy · 28/02/2019 19:52

Of course some parents oversee choice of university and course! There are some cultures that are very heavily invested in DC doing Law, Medicine, Dentistry, Pharmacy etc.

It might be worth you checking whether you can actually go into the student only talks, OP. Often parents are excluded. DC might also need to book these. They can be a bun fight.

When we went to Exeter, the food ran out. The savvy had brought picnic lunches! Campus universities don’t have the same range of food outlets as city centre universities. They might have learned from this by now though!

TonTonMacoute · 28/02/2019 20:37

I was allowed to accompany DS on the trip (it was at the other end of the country and involved an overnight stay) but I was forbidden from touring the university with him Confused. Most other students had parents with them, and I pointed this out to DS by text several times during the day, to no avail.

Back in the late Middle Ages, I did all mine on my own.

Original poster
TrainSong · 28/02/2019 22:21

Curly - yes, that's exactly what I was asking. Don't want to show him up and be too protective but would be glad to support him if he needs/wants it, especially if that's the norm.

OP posts:
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