Need some urgent advice.

[LurkyMcLurky]

DS was due to go back to uni today after Christmas. It's a uni at the other end of the country to home. We've know somethings not been right all over the holidays, but last night he broke down and said he can't go back.

His distress was heartbreaking. He opened up a bit and said he feels really anxious, the work is hard (although akaik he's on top of it), his flat mates are not his sort of people and he just doesn't feel at home there. He thinks he's picked the wrong course as well.

He's a shy boy, quiet and finds it hard to make friends. He got exceptionally good a-level results, and has been used to picking things up really easily so I think uni perhaps has come as a shock.

We've decided that he shouldn't go back. We'll make him an appointment with the Dr for next week and go from there, but to be honest, I'm not really sure what that is. His mental health is the most important thing at the moment and I cannot and will not make him go while he's so distressed. He's got an exam next week, which he won't get there for too.

If anyone has any practical advice I would be very grateful.

Just a quick update.

I took him to the Dr this morning, who was lovely and very understanding. He's going to write a letter explaining the mitigating circumstances which should cover the exam on Wednesday. Going forwards, we've made a self referral to the local counselling and wellness service which hopefully should help.

The uni have been contacted and we know what to do in the short term. Longer term, he needs to speak to them and decide, with their help, what happens next.

He's quiet today and didn't say much in the Drs, but did say he feels happier now the exam is hopefully covered. Provided the extenuating circumstances are accepted, he should get a uncapped result in the summer resits.

Still not sure if he will go back, but at least things are a bit clearer now and hopefully he can get some help. He did tell the Dr he has felt like this for a long time, certainly since he was at school, which makes me feel terrible for not having recognised there was a problem.

Lurky, really, don’t feel bad, he’s told you now and you’re dealing with it - you’re not a mind reader and if he didnt tell you you couldn’t help. I’m glad GP was helpful. Well done.

My ds2 hated his first term at uni. He txted me in december saying “ just can’t do this mum” The main thing for him was that he really didn’t like his course ( he was also missing friends from home). He had already spoken to a tutor who said that he would be better to give up sooner rather than later . He thought about it over the Christmas period and didn’t return . We also took the view that his mental health was way more important than any uni course.
He had been in halls . Thankfully the uni managed to rent his room to someone else , so we didn’t have to pay for the whole year.
He worked for a while and re-applied to another course and stayed at home this time. He graduated in summer and now has a great job.

You are allowed a “ false start “ in Scotland so we didn’t have to pay fees.
It was all very worrying at the time but has worked out so well in the long run.

At least Dr was helpful OP DS has confided in you and you have his back and best interests at heart.
Take care 💐 🍷 🧁