I really don't want to return to university (2nd year)

[Katharine21]

I'm a second year university student, studying a Humanities subject. I really struggled in first year and was very close to dropping out due to an accommodation situation. This year, I thought university would get better with the different accommodation situation, but I am still finding it such a slog.

For info, I found it extremely difficult to pick something to study at university. I am not really interested in one given subject, so I am studying something I don't really enjoy. With the increase in workload this year, I am finding it very difficult to 'just get on' with the work. It is boring, dull and because of these factors it takes me ages to complete anything! At school, I worked very very hard and had a lot of focus/good concentration span. This year, it has just disappeared and I can't even focus anymore.
It is not just the academic side of things I am finding difficult. I am also struggling socially, which was a big surprise for me as I have never found it difficult to make friends previously. I really don't enjoy clubbing - I don't like drinking that much. My course only has a few hours per week, so i hardly meet people there despite my efforts to chat to people. I've joined a few societies, but groups seem to be established there already, and meetings are often cancelled.
I always find it horrible returning to university, that this time it seems worse. I spent a lot of my holidays writing essays so didn't have that much of a break, but when I was actually using the break to do my own thing I felt so happy. I'm also not sure whether this time it feels worse because there is no weekend that I can come home during the 11 week term. I've tried to work my way around it, but my timetable is really spread out so I have one hour most days that I cannot miss. Visits home twice a term help me 'keep going' with it; I know 11 weeks is not that long in the grand scheme of things but I know it will go very slowly.

Does anyone have any advice on ways to get through the term? I feel like dropping out is not an option, I've done my research and the apprenticeships I have found are all engineering/finance based it seems,so I must carry on despite not wanting to return. University is the first time in my life I have felt unfulfilled, bored and even lonely. I find it even worse because everyone appears to having the time of their lives - talks at school even said it would be the most exciting time of my life however, it doesn't seem to be for me.

Thanks for your ideas! They are very helpful and I’m already on websites looking for part time jobs (I go back on Thursday).

Honestly, I really can’t think of anything that I’d prefer to do at university in place of English Lit. Otherwise I’d have definitely changed previously as it’s just been so dull. Really not looking forward to any part of the modules next term, one I was told would contain mostly Victorian novels, however the reading list now contains only poetry (which I find dire!). My supervisor doesn’t ask any questions about how I’m feeling - in fact, he’s pretty useless as whenever I try to bring it up he just recites some obscure poem or phrase back at me?! Not very helpful!

I’m at university quite a long way from home, it makes it difficult going home anyway as the train journey takes up 6 hours of the day. All of my friends are at university in London (again, a long way from me at university) or the universities in the south west like Bristol and Exeter. None are around me. I wish that I’d gone to closer university (I got in through clearing as I dropped one grade in a subject despite getting top grades in the rest, so I didn’t have much choice in where I was headed!)

Thank you very much for your replies though. I’m glad to know it’s not only me, despite it seeming that way. Everyone else seems to have established large friendship groups of people to share houses, who are best friends for life etc! Just hasn’t worked out that way for me.

It doesn’t help that several of my wider family members over Christmas have asked me whether it’s improved this year. My answer of ‘no’ was met with lots of advice that just wasn’t very helpful and made me feel worse, especially as another family member is in her first year of university and is loving it. She’s already established her best friends, her housing, she can’t wait to return there, constant posts on Instagram etc. They don’t seem to realise that sometimes it just doesn’t work out like that.

My parents know how I feel but they say I shouldn’t drop out unless I have a good idea of what I’m going to do instead of university - a fair point which I totally agree with, it’s just another 18months of uni seems deadly dull ! Trying to remember that I’m almost halfway through!

If your really not enjoying your course then it is advised you speak to your university and see if you can switch to a different course or start again on a new subject completely.

I would pick something varied that has multiple career opportunities such as business. I think you should challenge yourself to see university through even if you do not change courses. Set goals and objectives for the year on things like improving your grades, doing better at essays or preparing better for exams. Try to see your course as a challenge and make it fun for yourself.

I know that not having the social aspect can be boring but I think you either go to University to make friends and socialise or you spend all your time in the library. I had friends but I was the later as I really drove myself to finish with a 1st!

At the very least do not just drop out of university, you should be able to go on leave for at least a year to give yourself time to consider your options.

I think English Lit can be a lonely course. DD has just finished her Lit degree and I think she also struggled at times.
She took a few drama modules as at least that way she met other people for rehearsals etc. Would that be an option for you?
Also how about volunteering for something like Nightline/Samaritans, I did that at uni and met friends for life there.
Could you make yourself do something special every day even if it's only little. Paint a picture, go for a bike ride, take photos of wildlife?
I hope things pick up for you.

No, I definitely won’t drop out - for starters my parents wouldn’t let me and I’d have to have a back up plan of what I want to do.

I agree that English Lit is a lonely course. You have to spend a lot of time on your own just to get the reading done, and there aren’t enough hours with your seminar groups to form strong friendships. As soon as you start getting to know someone, the term is over and your seminar groups switch. There are currently no drama modules on offer (I don’t think that would be my idea of fun anyway, I’m terrible at drama!)
Yes, that’s definitely a good idea to do one thing per day to pick me up. I think I’m just bored of the place I’m in as well, it’s quite small. I’ll make an effort to discover new areas of the city this term - do something different than staying cooped up in my room reading boring course books over the weekend!

I think it’s your lonely empty flat that’s the problem!

Can you move into halls?

Love if you want to drop out your parents can't stop you. You are going to university for yourself, not them.

Are you even allowed to switch courses when you've completed half of second year?

Is their any creative writing modules or a CR society. The English students my son shared with really enjoyed thst aspect.

Another thing I did when I was at uni was to sign up for an evening class in another subject with the WEA (I know that sounds bonkers but I chose something I was interested in that was different to my course, ironically it was literature for me but studying modern women writers), there wasn’t any homework so it was just interesting to read around the subject and discuss it with other adults, not necessarily uni students.

I really urge you to look into some sort of volunteering as well. It sounds as though you are quite lonely so it would be good to get out and about.

I am in living in uni halls! It’s just my flat mates are very unsociable it seems. Sometimes if I’m cooking from scratch I’ll be in the kitchen for hours at a time...and I don’t see anyone ☹️

I think I am lonely. My flat mates all live nearby so go home at weekends, and my best friend in the flat is working at her job all the time so I never see her at the weekend.
Yes, I will definitely look for volunteering/part time job just to counteract the loneliness, and I’ll probably enjoy it as well!

The university should have lots of details about volunteering opportunities so ask at the Union. I work for a large charity and we love having student involvement, it is perfectly understood that students are only available during term time (some chose to get involved with their local branch when they are at home as well). Shall I pm you with some more details?

I'd totally recommend joining something like conservation volunteers or similar at weekends, to get out, do something, and meet ppl.
I seriously would think about applying for something you think you might enjoy more at a place closer to home, and working for a year or so in between. I really wish I'd done that. I had no clear idea of what I wanted to do at uni either, and ended up thoroughly disliking my courses. I now really regret not making a change when I could have done. You might need a few more years to discover your interests.

My dd is second year too, and struggling. She loves her course but feels lonely. She volunteers at brownies, and is going to join the ballroom dancing soc at refreshers. She also does bullet journelling, and often facetimes me each evening to chat or watch a tv show simultaneously! Oh and she works for unitemps, so has odd waitressing jobs and they pay well.
I try and break down the time into chunks for her. So after exams we are having a family weekend away, then it's 8 weeks until Easter. Then it will be head down until exams.
Next year she is doing a placement for a year further from home, a whole new set of worries.

I know things seem bad now but you CAN do things to turn this around. You sound very mature and responsible , someone who wants to do the right thing by your parents and for yourself. Not someone who makes rash decisions.

So you need to find constructive things to do in your spare time - you’ve had good advice about a part time job

Student societies - I see you are not really into drinking so you need to avoid the ones that are just an excuse to go to the pub. That’s why meetings get cancelled near the end of term when people have exams and less money.

You need to find the ones that are more serious and focussed around an interest or cause eg community action, conservation or animal rights. They often work with local groups that have the same interests, so you feel like you are learning a lot and making a difference. Also you meet local people of different ages and not just students.

My niece is part of a uni group that supports student to volunteer with local charities, she works with homeless people , others work in a project supporting women leaving prostitution and with addictions . She has learned so much and it takes the focus off herself and her problems , if you see what I mean.

You will meet other students who are dedicated and passionate about what they are doing , not just people who want to party all day.

So what are you interested in ? Helping children in a local youth club, working with refugees and helping them learn English, working with elderly people , doing conservation work in a local park ? Politics , religion ?

What about music - choirs, orchestras, bands ? Some university choirs and community choirs don’t have auditions or need you to read music , they are just for people who love to sing.

Even in a smaller town there are lots of things going on. Search the net, make phone calls , go along to meetings and check it out.

Also recommend that you make an appointment with your student advice service and tell them about your issues with your course and your duff advisor.

Uni isn't meant to be easy. I did English Lit and a lot of it is really boring, although if t helps, I didn't attend a single screening and got a first so chill out.
You're so far in it's be a waste to give up now.

@Ragwort yes please, I’d love to hear more about it! Thank you very much.

yes I definitely need to find the more ‘serious’ societies - all the ones I choose don’t actually do what they advertise. They just go out on clubbing socials. I go on a few to try and force myself to meet new people but I really don’t enjoy it at all. I thought the art one would be good as I love painting and did A Level Art, but the meetings always get cancelled as all they do is life drawing sessions but don’t have a model!

I wouldn’t mind any of those volunteering opportunities - at least it would take up spare time and I’d actually be doing something good!

I also FaceTime home a lot. I know that sounds bad, but sometimes it’s my one conversation of the whole weekend until I’m back in university on the Monday or Tuesday! I just really like having a chat - if I don’t talk to anyone I go a bit stir crazy 😂

Yes, I know it’s not meant to be easy. In fact, I’m getting alright marks which is another reason why I’m reluctant to call it quits. It’s not necessarily just the course that’s getting me down, from starting this thread I actually think it’s more the fact I hardly have any friends/the social side. I just find the course very very dull - I’m around people who genuinely love the subject and it just highlights how I don’t feel that way

I just find the course very very dull

You're wasting your life OP! Why not find something you enjoy, rather than accumulating student debt (I assume) over something you hate?!?

The first step in tackling a problem is to acknowledge that one exists, so well done. DD had a difficult first year but is taking a vocational course and met up with a lovely group on a placement before the start of her second year. The issue, and her self doubt, disappeared overnight. My guess is that you just need to find 'your people' and things will be fine. Plus you will have then picked up an important life skill. You dont always meet the right people quickly, and sometimes you need to make a deliberate effort.

Why not look at University sports. Not the established sports but new team ones like futsal, or dodgeball which people play for fun. Even if you are not sporty an hour running around in company should lift your mood.

And think about trying to find a study buddy from your course. DD found someone last year who she went to the library, and who she messaged about asignments etc, and it helped a lot. She was living in the ultimate party flat and it was very difficult.

You don't need a study buddy on the same course to go to the library together- DS had one on a different course but they felt they were letting each other down if they didn't spend time in the library . ( Her mum even thanked me at graduation for his good influence.....)
If the weekends are the problem have a look at non-student clubs as well- often walking groups or nature based working parties ( eg Woodland Trust) have their activities at the weekend. Also, I volunteer for the NT and weekend spots are often difficult to fill. I suspect museums and English Heritage may have the same issue.