Student snobbishness?

[keysofhope]

Hello there,

I was just wondering if anyone else has had their children complain of snobbish course mates? DS goes to a place full of very very privileged students, many of whom from the most famous boarding schools.

He finds many to be quite snobbish. He says that he seems to think that people think him a bit thick and instantly to be working class as he is from Scotland. They also assume as he is not from London that equally he must be dirt poor and only got into said university for access reasons. They also think that as he went to a Gaelic state school, then he must once more be not worth their time.

What DH finds funny (who is from the sort of background as those in complaint), is that many of them are second generation immigrants with parents who've done well, but now see themselves as the English gentleman sort.

For the note of it, being working class is great (my mum was), but I am putting it like this as it's a definite looking down ones nose for it.

[Xenia]

Exactly. If you have nothing to prove why would you bother?

[BasiliskStare]

"I was just wondering if anyone else has had their children complain of snobbish course mates? "

Not here

[LoniceraJaponica]

My friend's son is at Newcastle and offered to play a game of pool with a couple of lads who were watching. They had "public school" accents, refused and just laughed at his (Barnsley) accent. So there are pockets of snobbery everywhere.

[boymum9]

I stumbled on this thread and don't have older children in higher education yet BUT am replying because we live in Bristol and over the past ten years of being here the students have become more and more insufferable, obviously from very wealthy privately educated backgrounds (which is fine, I was entirely privately educated and come from a well off family) But they are extremely rude, entitled, no common courtesy to any one around them.

This is of course a generalisation but this is honestly the case for the main bulk of the Bristol university students I come across on a daily basis and I've thought about complaining to the university. I'm starting to think it's perhaps just a generational thing!

[Theoryofmould]

My dd has an issue, she got the minimum maintenance loan, all her other flat mates in halls got the maximum. They're lording it over her because they have more available cash. We supplement but not large sums of cash at once. Not sure what that means other than some people just aren't very nice from all backgrounds.

[User10fuckingmillion]

Technically the Royal Academy of Music IS dominated by private school students.

[User10fuckingmillion]

Only 7% of children go to private school

[RiverTam]

many of the second gen immigrants at my boarding school (1980s) were from longstanding fabulously wealthy families including African royalty. So your DH is sounding pretty snobbish himself.

Having said that there certainly were those at my RG uni who were extremely snobbish. I just avoided them. I did a course similar to Classics and we were all privately educated but other than my course-mates (who were lovely) most of my friends at uni were from state schools.

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

My DD is at TCD doing a course like Classics. She has found many of the English public school kids to be similar; only interested in mixing with their own type. One lad asked her where she went to school and walked off when he realised it was the state sector. The rest of the kids, (both Irish and international students) mix happily and refer to the clique as Team GB.

I suspect that the posters protesting that the OP cannot possibly be true are parents of such privileged brats, unwilling to acknowledge their own offspring's snobbishness.

[Xenia]

I didn't say it couldn't possibly be true but it is a bit of a generalisation and there will be awful teenagers from state and fee paying and state grammar schools.

[titchy]

I suspect that the posters protesting that the OP cannot possibly be true are parents of such privileged brats, unwilling to acknowledge their own offspring's snobbishness.

Not me - local comp for mine! But whatever uni OP's son is at, she/he can rest assured that the majority of his peers were educated in the state sector, and the majority of those educated privately would have been at day schools. So the ds in question is clearly either exaggerating, only looking to socialism with those on his course, or not happy for some other reason. Whatever the real reason - he is completely surrounded by those from the state sector, even if he doesn't see it.

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

If the vast majority of his course are a cliquey bunch it will be very demoralising and excluding though. Of course people make friends outside their course, but it is great to discuss your subject and bounce ideas around with other students who share your enthusiasm. Plus there is an element of group work on most modern uni courses. Not very pleasant to have to do a presentation or project with a clique who are looking down on you.

And yes of course they are young, and chances are they will grow up, see a bit of the world outside their privileged bubble, and look back and realise they were an arse. But that doesn't help the kids who are feeling marginalised at uni in the meantime

[LightDrizzle]

Yes the Classics won’t have helped. Poor thing! He’ll soon make friends out of his subject area.
I went to Oxford and this did exist, but it was a small minority of students. Certain colleges were said to have a higher saturation of public school bores, Worcester being one in my day, but the majority of students were nice and pretty normal, whatever that is, including those from public schools.
For anybody doubting it exists, it really does, and it’s a massive shock to come up against it in all its self-assured glory. One man I know was asked in the Oxford Union bar if he went “to school?”, a bit perplexed he answered yes, he went to X Grammar School, to which the little prick responded “That’s not school!” and turned his back on him.

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

Yep that's basically what happened to my DD, more than once.

[BubblesBuddy]

The stats are that even Oxford and Cambridge don’t have a majority of privately educated students.

I think he lacks confidence. If he’s on a classics course, he will have done the requisite A levels, (which some would say are elite subjects) he needs to embrace everyone whatever their background. Does it really matter? He must have known the majority of the students on this course would be privately educated simply because many state schools don’t offer the A levels needed for it. He must have gone to a fairly elite school to have got onto the course.

There are all sorts of people at university you might not like or have anything in common with. Not all state pupils are great either!!! Most people are reasonable and get on with the majority of students. If you have a certain background you tend to like people who are on your wavelength. This might be talking about granddad down the pit or grandad the Indian royalty! Neither are wrong. They are just factual. I do think young people need to stop criticising each other and realise they need to work with everyone, at university and in life!

[TwiceMagic]

For anybody doubting it exists, it really does, and it’s a massive shock to come up against it in all its self-assured glory.

It is a massive shock. When I started teaching at one of the universities you’d expect this at people warned me that the students would be ‘posh’. I don’t think I’d realised that people really did send their kids to boarding schools (other than in books) until that point.

The thing is, the really obnoxiously posh ones (and there are properly obnoxiously posh ones - just look at some of our MPs) aren’t numerically the majority. But they are loud and entitled and it really feels like they take up all the available space in any room. So you have to remind yourself that you might have 2 or 3 absolute arseholes trying to dominate your tutorial group, but the other 7 or so are perfectly nice human beings who really need you to minimise the effect of the obnoxious ones so they can enjoy their tutorial.

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

Bollocks about the A levels and elite schools. The comp where my DD did Latin GCSE was in special measures. You don't need A level Latin for many Classics degrees; you can start from scratch in your first year. My DD couldn't find anywhere local that did A level Latin.

It's not about confidence, you can have all the confidence in the world but if people don't consider you worthy of their attention you become marginalised.

[plaidlife]

I was on a similar type of course with almost exclusively private or public schools. I was judged initially but then I was a working class Scot and dirt poor and they had never met anyone from my background.
But a term in I made good friends with course mates, yes I was different but I knew my stuff, I could study to the same level as anyone else.
Settling in is a process for everyone, at the end of my degree we could all poke fun at our differences, I loved that time as a student. My differences where part of my strengths.

[wigglybeezer]

If it's St Andrew's it's a recognised problem, there are longstanding patronising nicknames for Scottish students from the country "wee Angus" and " wee Mary". It is a small uni and loud characters can dominate and the publicly schooled do predominate in some departments. My DS has found friends by getting involved in activities less favoured by the snobbish ( not the Polo society!). Your son's snobbish classmates probably got rejected by Oxbridge and have status anxiety as a result. It is annoying but he just needs to shrug it off and look for friends elsewhere.

[Xenia]

Also we shouldn't generatlise. Some people from comprehensives will be awful too and nasty to others. One of my sons and his friends had things shouted at them in the street just because they were in dinner jackets one night. I am sure they just politely smiled and moved on but it is can be a two way thing. It is much better if instead people just got to know each other and got on with everyone however they talke, wherever they are from etc. Once out in the workplace all these students will be competing against each other including the 20% or whatever it is who go to fee paying sixth forms (more are from fee paying schools at sixth form than earlier in schools by the way) and state grammars, posh comps and all the other schools.

No one should be unkind to anyone. I would be very disappointed if I found any of my chldren ever had been behaving like this. You don't choose your school (or home education) or where you are from . Your parents do to an extent where there is any choice.

[jessstan2]

I wonder if it is merely your son's perception that makes him think those students are snobbish. I say that because I have heard such accusations before against people who are not in the least snobbish and don't understand it. However it is obviously chippy.

[LoniceraJaponica]

"Also we shouldn't generalise. Some people from comprehensives will be awful too and nasty to others."

I couldn't agree more. DD went to a comprehensive school. Her tormentor from school is a loud mouthed aggressive bully. However, I agree with TwiceMagic that some of them "are loud and entitled and it really feels like they take up all the available space in any room."

It is probably the self assured confidence they have that makes less confident students feel like they are being patronised.

[Xenia]

I went to a fee paying school and was shy.

[dapplegrey]

Not very pleasant to have to do a presentation or project with a clique who are looking down on you.

It can work both ways. My son went into a pub in his uni town and quietly asked for a drink and immediately some other students started shouting ‘you posh git’ etc and sneering at him.
Bullying someone for being ‘posh’ is just as unpleasant.

[LoniceraJaponica]

One of my friends shared this article on Facebook just now