Going to same uni as boyfriend

[samcoleridge]

Dd is in year 13 and looking at unis, as is her boyfriend. They both like the same uni though they didn't actively want to try to go to the same place. Is this something you'd make effort to talk them out of?

Er no, why?

They both like the uni, independent of their relationship with each other.

To stop them from limiting their range of experiences

i went to the same uni as my boyfriend - but at the point we had a four year old so our only option really was our local uni. i do know of a few other people that went to the same uni as a couple and none of them were still together by the end. a lot of things change during the first year at uni and i saw that very few couples - either at the same uni or not - made it past that point. obviously this is just my experience though!

Today is our 28th wedding anniversary, we met in sixth form. I think, as long as they chose it independently for academic reasons, it's fine. Just because they're at separate universities doesn't mean they won't continue their relationship.

It'll be fine - even if they make it to the same Uni they'll either stay together or not same as if they tried LDR. It's such a melting pot environment they'll likely end up with other people by the end of fresher's week.

Just going by my experience...

Absolutely no reason they shouldn't, particularly if they both independently like it and want to go there.

People thought my (then) boyfriend and I were mad to go to the same uni (same course, even!) - we married at the end of 3rd year and are coming up to 10 years and 2 children later! I would've hated being somewhere different to him.

No, stay out of it. I know two young couples who got together at school and went to uni together. In one case the relationship was over within the first year, in the other it lasted until they were about 23 when they both went their separate ways. No regrets, they enjoyed themselves and made friends with plenty of other people.

One of my siblings chose their uni because their new love interest was going there. They were engaged by 2nd year and married by 3rd. Still very happy 12 years later.

I would say it’s fine unless one of them is really dumbing down to stay with their boyfriend/girlfriend. If they are both aiming high, then that’s fine. My DD ended up with her boyfriend. He had firmed and it was her insurance. It wasn’t the end of the world and it ended after year 3 of 4 year course but they had other friends so no problems.

As long as it’s a good course for them both, what will be will be. I went to the same university as my then bf as we independently chose it, was fine, we broke up age 21/22.

I went to the same university as my sixth form boyfriend. It was Cambridge so both of our first choice. We did the same course.

It saved a lot of trouble visiting each other.

We were at different colleges so made different friends.

Split up in first year.

It did slightly suck having my ex sitting 3 rows in front in lectures but it didn’t kill me. And by theirs year half the lecture hall were in the same situation!

It saves a lot of “visiting each other” wasted time.

Agree with all the points so far, as long as they are realistic about the fact that they might not both get into that uni. Some students can find it hard to come to terms with not getting the grades for their 1st choice and that might be all the more difficult if they were expecting to be with a bf/gf at uni.

They're 13. And won't be in uni for 4 years at least. Yours panicking over sometbing that may not even materialise. Wait until they are at least finished high school before you add this kind of pressure ?!

Sparkling, they are year 13 not age 13

I think it’s fine as long as it’s the place they both want to be

"They're 13. And won't be in uni for 4 years at least"

Year 13 is what used to be known as upper 6th, so they will be 17/18.

If they are applying for a collegiate university it might be a good idea to apply to different colleges.
Also at other universities try to talk them out of applying to the same hall. This means if things do go wrong at least they won't have to see each other all the time.
Are they wanting to do the same course?

My DS started going out with a girl he met at school the summer before he started at uni. He is studying in the SE. She studies in scotland. I understand your concerns, but going to the same uni would mean that they don't have to travel to spend time with each other. DS' gf is going to spend her reading week with him this term. Her parents feel she should be in her uni town or at home studying. I worry that DS is will be tempted to skip uni stuff while she's there.

Three weeks later he'll get the overnight bus to scotland to spend a long weekend with his gf. Which must be very tiring.

As pps have said, a lot can happen in a few years. They might not even be seeing each other by the time your DD starts uni and if they do go to the same uni the chances of them lasting the whole of uni as a couple are small.