Poss an AIBU but v annoyed by friends comments

[Bacere]

Long story short DC told by school try for oxbridge they don't do exact course DC wants to do so applied elsewhere. Achieved predicted grades for a levels but off to non RG uni who do course DC really wants to do. Comments keep being made which in the least query why make that choice when so many other "better" options to worst so far which made me need to vent on MN and yes I forgot to say 'did you mean to be so rude'

In the past MN has always helped. So, Anyone else need to share similar to make me feel I'm not the only one who knows such horrible people?

My son is off to a non RG university next month, however it's top 3 for the subject he was after. It's also in the top 10 overall of every league table he and I has come across; yet, my mother in law believes that my son's cousin is in her opinion "the only grandchild who went to a decent university". She cannot understand why my son put our much more local university as his second choice, even though that is much further down academically because she believes it's better as it has a more famous name! Don't know why it annoyed me as DS is exceptionally happy in achieving offers at the five universities he applied for & has made a sensible thought out choice on what is right for him.

My mother in law's opinion on most subjects, is based on what she has read about them in the Daily Mail. Don't know why I was so annoyed with her in the first place!

Your daughter has chosen a university that will deliver what she wants - good for her! She knows what is right for her.

She isn't the first one to turn down Oxbridge and do very well in a chosen profession.

Don't worry about what people say, you have to expect some negativity on social media. The end result is what matters.

I have a DC with the predicted grades that would get him an interview at Oxbridge. He's intelligent, he's sharp, he's enthusiastic about his A levels, but he won't entertain the idea of applying to Oxbridge. Feels it's not for him and has articulated his reasons. I can't argue with him, and I work for an Oxbridge college!

So why do Oxbridge try so hard to diversify their student intake? It’s clearly falling on deaf ears.

It’s also pretty clear from recent research that an Economics degree from LSE trumps all others for earning potential after 5 years. Most students do “niche” with the Masters afterwards. Niche courses at lower ranked universities often don’t compare with the general courses at the very best universities followed by a Masters. Niche courses are often viewed as a bit easier because they cover a narrower range of skills so not always the best from an employers point of view.

I was offered a place at Cambridge, many years ago. I declined in favour of a different uni. Nothing to do with the course; the environment was not right for me and I knew I would be far happier at my chosen uni. 18 years on and it was the best decision of my life. My career has been just as I hoped. I met my best friends and husband at uni. It’s all good. Good on your son for knowing what he values and finding it. Hope he has the time of his life!

Specific courses at "lesser" universities are the best in the country. Ignore people. It's your child's choice not yours or theirs. My dh is a lecturer, they aren't rg but it's ranked 4th in country. My eldest chose on non rg despite having grades, happiness is far more important

A friend did this donkey's years ago. Quietly posted her rejection to Oxford and accepted a polytechnic to do French with law or business studies or similar. She just wanted a really good and practical French course and wasn't interested in their ancient literature.

On the other hand, when I worked in London immediately post uni, Oxbridge graduates were offered all kinds of golden hellos and sponsored gap years that us mere mortals from Bristol, Leeds and Manchester didn't get.

I wouldn't be surprised at turning down Oxbridge. I would be surprised at choosing a non RG, I think, simply because many people use RG/Non RG as a yardstick,(often wrongly, obviously) and I today's job market, young people need all the advantages they can get. What's the course?

not sure why this thread is so dramatic, nobody has 'turned down' an Oxbridge offer have they? no they were 'told by school to try for Oxbridge' and they didn't....

Oh, I do beg your pardon. Please feel free to replace "turned down" with "decided not to apply for". The rest of my post applies.

it's fine, you don't need to beg...:)

Are you sure this course is the right one for him? Is it challenging enough? Have you looked at the entry requirements? If your son is an A grade student but the course accepts people with much lower grades, he might not find it challenging enough.

My thoughts too. It's a legitimate concern. A young person in my family went to a fairly low-ranked uni because the "niche" course sounded great on paper and was closer to what she wanted than anywhere else. However, the reality turned out to be that entry standards and expectations were low and the course felt like a waste of time. Most of the first year was spent going over material that she'd already done at sixth form. It was only once she was there that she was able to access the kind of detail about the course which made this clear - prospectuses tend not to specify the standards you'll need to pass, only the broad topic areas. She dropped out.

Whether the uni is RG or not isn't the be-all and end - all, because that's largely down to whether they prioritise research. However, in her shoes I'd look closely at the entry requirements. If she has easily exceeded them, she may find the course is paced more slowly - it will be paced towards the typical entrant. Now whether this matters for your child depends on the course.

Yours friends may have been tactless, but perhaps they had understandable questions. However, I think they were rude to say it - if the place has already been accepted then it's too late, and you weren't asking for their opinions! After A-level results, if a wanted uni place has been secured, you just want to celebrate your child's achievements - not have people moaning that they could have done "better". So, legitimate concerns but bad manners, I'd say.

I got 4 As at A level back in the early 1990s and my headmaster and parents wanted me to apply to Oxbridge, just for the snobbery and bragging rights I'm sure. Nobody from my 6th form got all A's or went to Oxbridge. I went to an interview / open day for applicants at a Cambridge college but the students I met (group introduction arranged by the college) and fellow applicants did not seem like people I would enjoy spending time with, and the literature syllabus seemed to be just whipping through chronologically at top speed, seemed to be quantity over quality to me. Family links in Oxford put me off looking into Oxford. I was much happier where I did go, and didn't choose my degree for maximum earning potential, though I've never been unemployed when I've wanted to be employed - there's so much more to life that snotty "blue chip" companies and bragging (these days so much worse on social media, you do well to avoid it OP).

Well done on supporting your DD's choices, and to her on her results.

There is no evidence to support your view anniehm. None at all. For lower qualified students, that cannot access the best universities, there is no option, but for the best qualified young people the best courses are not at the lower ranked universities. They would not have a low ranking if they offered the top courses would they? They offer niche courses but often these are not a step to high earnings and have high non grad jobs stats. Earnings tables show where the top earning grads went to university as well. It’s not to the lower ones. However it depends what you aspire to: Turf Technology or Natural Sciences?

By the way, as DD was also thinking she wanted French that didn’t include Medieval French, imagine my complete surprise when she elected to do this on her academic French degree. It wasn’t compulsory but DCs discover all sorts of interests at university and she completely changed her mind. Partly due to an excellent lecturer who inspired her to widen her interests. Oxford and Cambridge have such intense and broad courses you really do learn “practical” French too, especially during the year abroad, but a whole lot more besides. Practical is usually not so academic but a good academic course shows much greater breadth and depth of understanding of literature and culture as well as supberb language acquisition. Young people really don’t know everything when they make choices, often at the age of 17. Many MFL grads don’t use their languages at work - they open doors to some of the very best jobs though and Oxbridge leads the way!

Uni first then course.

As pp said niche is what your masters is for.

“He’s not so shallow as to choose Oxford merely for the status when tne ciurse he actually wants to do is Xxx”

I have a Cambridge refusenik choosing a more industry-facing course. (Research). SO many people hooked into the status and prestige of Oxbridge. Especially competitive middle class parents.

Uni first then course.

Seriously?
The idea being, that if the 'right' university doesn't have anything you particularly like the idea of spending the next three or four years of your life studying, you will come to enjoy whatever course you choose, anyway, because it's being taught at that university?

The exact opposite of the advice given at DD's grammar school, by an outside adviser. Let's hope he doesn't get many other bookings, then.

"He’s not so shallow as to choose Oxford merely for the status when tne ciurse he actually wants to do is Xxx”
I would have thought, all other things being equal that Oxford would be a pragmatic choice rather than a shallow one........

Actually the university itself is important (not to say the course isn't) but there is huge value in looking at where you think you will be happy studying. Students are often unaware of the differences between unis and of the factors that will influence their happiness when they begin studying away from home. Different people have different priorities - it is not unreasonable or shallow to reject Oxbridge in favour of a different uni or vice-versa. People are different.

What is shallow though is to reject somewhere without even looking because you want an easy life and think you won’t fit in without bothering to investigate more closely.

Uni first then course
Not for every subject, no. There are niche subjects that are only taught at one, two or three Uni's in the UK and these are not usually Oxbridge. And, no, studying a generic Bachelor's at a "better" Uni plus a top up Masters is often no substitute for a student trying to get into that line of work. They will already have missed the boat by not doing THE Bachelor's that the industry wants.

What are these niche subjects? I can see Turf Technology might be one and clearly agriculture and arts are very different to standard university offerings. However they are not considered academic and are clearly vocational like nursing but that’s hardly niche. What are the academic courses that are only offered at a few lower ranked places that are essential as opposed to trying for a top 20 university in a subject allied to the specialism? It’s quite difficult to think of anything.

@Bubbles
One obvious area is the creative industries like games design, acoustics and sound design where there are niche courses requiring at least AAA in facilitating subjects. Some of these industries will literally only consider graduates from one course taught at one university. And that university is not Oxbridge or RG.

Bath is not RG is high in all the rankings especially for things like architecture or architectural engineering. It also offers placement years etc which are invaluable

" What are these niche subjects? "

certain subjects have certain 'top' departments eg international politics at Aberystwyth. Don't scoff.