DS has fucked up - hand hold and/or practical advice?

[foxtiger]

DS1 should have finished his degree last term but had to have an extension for two modules, which means he can only get a pass or a fail in them and can probably only get a 2.2 overall. That's not the worst of it. The deadline for the extension is a week away and he still isn't satisfied with one of the modules. It's computing related and he says every time he fixes one thing in it, something else stops working. He must have been working on it for about 6 months and it never seems to come right. It's not that he is hopeless at the subject in general - his other project is fine now, it's just that his time management got messed up because of the one that wasn't going so well - but I think he must have made some big mistake right at the start of this one or chosen to do something he didn't fully understand. He also finds it very difficult to ask for help (I think he almost certainly has social anxiety although he's never been diagnosed) so he never bounced ideas around with his coursemates when he was getting stuck, and sort of bottled up how difficult things were until the deadline got quite near.

He thinks (but isn't 100% sure) that if he fails one module, even though it's one that doesn't count for a very big part of the total, by definition he fails the whole degree. So he's now beginning to talk about resitting the year - in fact it would only be the second semester of the year. I think he has about 3 days to make that decision and he has e-mailed his supervisor for some advice.

My advice was "submit it anyway, because if you fail you resit the year, and if you proactively choose to resit the year you resit the year, but if you submit it you might not fail." But I think he is now fairly confident (rightly or wrongly) that he's going to fail. I think he also just wants the pressure to be off as it's been a pretty rubbish summer for him so far.

So I have two questions really, one practical and one just a rant at the unfairness of the world.

1. What happens, in practical/administrative terms, if you resit a year? Can you still get a loan, and/or fees paid? And specifically if he only has to resit the second semester of the year, will he (or the loan company) have to pay the fees for the whole year? Will he have to go to uni for the first half even though he passed everything in that half? If not, what does he put on his job application about uni if he tries to get a job for the first few months?

1. AIBU to feel that I have messed up by not somehow preventing him from messing up like this? How do I get past it emotionally? I've never said to him that I am really quite disappointed, maybe even a bit annoyed, that he let it come to this, but I think I am, and I feel like I need to get that off my chest to someone, but it probably wouldn't be fair to do it to him when he's already beating himself up about it.

He's / you need to go and actually talk to someone. All university's have different rules. Find his tutor and ask.

Good heavens

Lots of questions and “I think / he thinks”

Ring the university

He has sent an e-mail to his supervisor today so we'll know a lot more when he hears back. If that doesn't give us all the information we need one of us can ring. I was just trying to get a feel for what is likely to happen.

You’re going to hate this answer but:

He’s an adult. This is not your responsibility and not your fault

Practically, you get 4 years of student loan, she on a 3 year course you can get a loan for the extra year without any trouble. His problem will be that they will probably make him sit the whole year because of the way spaces on courses are allocated.

My sister failed a semester and had to resit the whole year, iirc though she needed to anyway, because for her resits her marks were capped and she’d have come out as a fail anyway.

for you, stay positive, it might be fine.

Do you have anyone you know in the same field that he’s studying? For computing problems there’s loads of forums that are helpful for specific problems with code etc, could he put out a call for help and see if he gets any responses? I work with developers and the entire industry functions this way!

He’s an sdult. Data protection means that his tutors cannot discuss his personal information with you.

He needs to be proactive in sorting himself out

Does it actually have to work?
I did Electronic Engineering at Uni and did a few programming modules.
Even if you couldn’t get the final code/thing to work you could still get the majority of marks for what you have done.

He’s an sdult. Data protection means that his tutors cannot discuss his personal information with you.

That's what I thought. He will find it very hard to phone, but I know people who work in university admin and I know they all hate it when parents phone on their adult child's behalf. I didn't know it was actually forbidden but I was thinking that he should do it, both to learn some life skills and because I don't want to be that parent.

Even if you couldn’t get the final code/thing to work you could still get the majority of marks for what you have done.

I thought that might be that case but he keeps saying it's not. He may be catastophising. We'll see what his supervisor says.

Practically, you get 4 years of student loan

That's brilliant! He's only done 3 years - he could have done a placement but opted not to.

there’s loads of forums

DH knows of one and has suggested he could make use of it but, as you'll have gathered by now, he's a bit shy about asking for help, and he may have left it too late now.

Could he phone but on speakerphone with you listening in and writing down questions to ask?

He's now agreed to push on, submit both things and retake the one that's not working so well only if he fails it this time round.

The uni may be willing to discuss things with you if he is able to give them permission- so you could phone up, they say they can't discuss it with you without his permission, he comes on the phone to give permission, and then the tutor may be willing to talk to you. Some unis might also discuss their policies in general terms, without specific reference to your son. It's not great, and obviously unis don't like this, but if you think he is dealing with anxiety, it may be a way forwards.

If he has to resit some modules, then there should be funding available BUT if he is only resitting one module, he may be classed as a part time student, and so only entitled to part time funding: www.gov.uk/student-finance/parttime-students

FWIW, it's not 4 years funding you can get- it's "the length of your course +1 year", so if you're on a course with 4 compulsory years, you can still get the extra year's funding. I know this doesn't apply to you, but it may be useful for someone else reading this.

Hopefully he passes and none of this matters in the end!

Thanks Lady - that's useful to know.

At my University we do speak to parents quite often about regulations -as pps have noted we can't speak specifically about a student's circumstances without permission, but can advise generically. We don't really like speaking to parents as students are adults and parents may not understand the context, so it's better if your son phones. But if you do, explaining about his anxiety should prompt a sympathetic response.

At my University your son would not be able to retake a year if he failed, but would be allowed to resit the module to pass it if he hadn't done so before. We wouldn't be keen on him retaking a year because he was going to fail - retakes are normally for exceptional personal circumstances. so it wouldn't be a given right here. But each institution has its own regulations. If your son doesn't get a response from his supervisor (many academics are off this time of year) he should try the central services (often called Student Services or the Registry), who to be honest have a better understanding of the rules than most academics.

jeangenie thanks. He's now intending to finish and submit both things, because he'd heard the same as you said - that he would only be redoing any bits that he failed, and since he's definitely expecting to pass one of the two, we've managed to convince him that that's the better course of action. It would be brilliant if he passed both (and I wouldn't rule it out) but if he doesn't, he'll have less to do in the long run doing it this way.

Thought I should let you know - he passed! (And is now worrying about how, since he won't be doing that module again, he won't have a better piece of work to put in his portfolio...)

Anyway, all is well here. I guess we'll never know whether he was being unnecessarily self-deprecating all along by thinking he might have failed, or whether he was just really lucky with the marking. But it's done now.

That's great!

Great news foxtiger! I remember reading your thread back in August but didn't have anything useful to contribute. Well done DS

That’s good to hear he passed. Did he end up with a 2:2? if so then that’s not too bad at all. Hope things go well for him.

TownHall even better, he just scraped a 2.1! That's what he was predicted before it all started going wrong so I think we were right to encourage him to keep plodding on.

Wow, that’s fantastic. 🏆🏆🏆 You must be really pleased for him.

A 2:2 would have been ok but a 2:1 is a lot better. Iykwim 😆. I hope you’ve all had a fantastic weekend celebrating. BTW you mustn’t say ‘scrapped’ a 2:1.... a 2:1 is a 2:1!

Scraped not scrapped

It was quite close in terms of marks but I guess you're right - employers aren't going to know how close it was. I must stop over-analysing now!

I agree, you need to do less over analysing and more celebrating. 😊

That's brilliant news. I like happy endings.