I’ve just written a PhD proposal and I’m all overexcited and can’t sleep.

[Oscha]

A nice member of the department I’m applying to has offered to critique my draft so I’ve sent it off to her and am now simultaneously bouncing with excitement and absolutely terrified she’s going to say it’s a load of nonsense.

I’ve always wanted to do one but assumed I wasn’t clever enough and that it wouldn’t really be possible until I was retired. Then I saw this one advertised and it was perfect and I just thought...fuck it! My friends are telling me my imposter syndrome is just that and I’ve just as much chance of getting it as anyone else, but they would say that, wouldn’t they, because they’re my friends 😉

I don’t think I’m going to get it or even get an interview but I’m so glad I’m applying. It feels like a completely selfish but empowering move.

There’s zero point to this thread. Just needed a space to wobble in 😆

Wobble away! Well done - it's hard work!

Thank you! I’m not really allowing myself to get too excited about the possibility of being accepted (I’m pretty sure that if I got as far as interview, a very impressive man with a beard would take one look at me and say ‘Mrs Oscha, given you have a stain on your top and haven’t read a novel since Christmas, are you sure you wouldn’t rather stay at home and read Room on the Broom for the umpteenth time?’) but it’s fun to dream...

It’s such a fascinating topic and it really ties together all my interests and work for the last 15 years, so it seems a bit serendipitous that it’s come up. Argh. I’m so excited and trying so hard not to be too excited 😂

Well done, definitely worth doing even if it doesn't come to anything 😁

I'm getting all excited on your behalf! What will probably happen, of course, when you get to interview is that bearded man will have had to take the morning off because his baby has just thrown up all over him. Academics are people too. And they suffer hugely from impostor syndrome. But whoever interviews you will be just like you in another respect, too: they will be really excited by the same kind of things that excite you. Fingers crossed!

Haha, that’s true-the academics I know are reassuringly human! I keep looking at my proposal and thinking ‘a GCSE student could read those books and ask those questions’, so the fear has truly set in now. I haven’t heard back about my draft which means I probably won’t until next week now, so I’ve got a full 48 hours+ to drive myself ever so slightly bonkers 😆

This is just the thread I need to get me back on track ...

Well done OP - I'm excited for you.

If you do get accepted, save this thread so that when you're two years in you can remember a time when you were excited...

Haha!