DD accepted uni place now doesn't want to go

[tired17]

My DD accepted a place at uni on Friday by completing the registration online. She then got her accommodation offer and has also accepted that.

She is now saying she really doesn't want to go. I have told her she needs to phone the uni to discuss her options and given her the phone number to call but she is refusing to call or discuss the situation with me at all.

From previous experience with her over the years I suspect that this situation will not change. So my question is what happens regarding uni fees and accommodation fees if she just doesn't turn up? I know that I can't phone on her behalf and to be honest I don't want to, I have told her (I don't know if this is correct) that she will end up with the uni fees debt and accommodation debt if she doesn't take some action but it hasn't made any difference.

I know that the right thing to do is phone asap and have stated this both verbally and in a message but I am not able to force her to. Does anyone have any knowledge as to what might happen regarding the fees?

Thanks

Is she nervous? I'd suspect she doesn't want to tell the uni as she hasn't fully decided not to go yet and that's also why she isn't communicating to you, she doesn't want to be pushed either way.

She's maybe just scared and nervous about it.

Is there a family friend who she'd talk to?

I second this. She is clearly distressed and needs to talk to someone, but maybe her mother is not the right person.

Does she suffer with anxiety?
If so to be honest I would email or phone them and see exactly what we have to do if my DD wants to withdraw - and explain the difficulties she is having doing this herself, and then see what they suggest/propose.
Then when I have a plan for how she can withdraw if that is her decision I would tell her what we need to do.
If she was still freaking - I would ask if she is sure she wants to withdraw (I would expect general inability to make a decision), and help her see which future makes her feel most stressed, so she can choose the other. I would also make sure she knew - not going to Uni is not the end of the world - and she still has time.
I would also try to get her to see a doctor about her anxiety/stress.

Is she usually like this- no communication, when things are getting her down?

I

I think you get a good few weeks grace before you are liable for all the fees. I think the system allows for those who start and after a few weeks find the place/ course/ whatever isn't right for them.
I had a complete wobble before starting uni (20+ years ago) and was adamant I wasn't going. My mum asked me to give it a chance for one week then reassess, which felt was reasonable. I remember I turned up with a tiny weekend bag planning a swift escape but then met some lovely people and stayed.

Why not suggest she defers for a year? If she got her grades, she could probably do that if she calls the University. That gives her a chance to have a year at home/ working/ deciding.

Hi, just thought I'd update and thank everyone for commenting.

She decided in the end that she did want to go, and has been getting excited all be it with nervousness interspersed as well. She went up today so, fingers crossed all will be well.

Looking back I think it was panic at the thought of the change but as time has gone on and all her friends have been planning their moves she has got more excited. Currently waiting for DH to get back from dropping her off to find out more.

Bless her, that's good news, hope she enjoys it.

That's good she made a decision. Hope it all goes well for her.

That's good news

Hope she settles okay and is happy.