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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Post University Blues

35 replies

sayerville · 30/07/2017 16:24

So DD has returned home after three great years and gaining a 1st.
Once more my DH has started the rows and conflict again. Little digs like 'have you applied for that job yet' as soon as she walked in the door despite him saying he was cutting her some slack.
I am in the middle, but it's hard at this stage when some of them do not know what to do straight after uni.
Plus no job = living at home = tension but what else can they do?And after having 3 years of independence she is now a young woman who wants to do her own thing, I do feel for her.
Anyone else in the same boat?

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 30/07/2017 23:27

I wasnt hard on Op but on posts tells her to get tough. You are handling this perfectly Op. As l already said to get a first takes a savage amount of work and they need time to get back to normal. Thats what home is for. Your dh is being unnecessarily harsh.

Want2bSupermum · 31/07/2017 04:09

donkey You give a deadline, such as six months, to accomplish the goal of getting a job. If they get a job they can stay home. If they don't find one they need to move out and figure out how they will pay for it all.

I've not understood this whole take a break and go traveling. It's expensive and at a crucial time for building a career in a profession.

jeanne16 · 31/07/2017 07:52

Want2besupermum. If you throw your DCs out of the house when they don't have a job, I hope you never need their help in your old age as it may not be forthcoming. My DCs know they can always turn to me for help when needed and I think this had given them the confidence to move out, get well paid jobs and live their own lives.

goodbyestranger · 31/07/2017 10:16

Yes quite jeanne16.

Want2besupermum I understand very well the need to pay bills but there is more to life than one long endless slog without break.

DonkeyOil · 31/07/2017 10:32

You give a deadline, such as six months, to accomplish the goal of getting a job. If they get a job they can stay home. If they don't find one they need to move out and figure out how they will pay for it all.

Yes, I understand the principle of having a deadline. it's the bit about moving out with no money that I don't quite follow. Would you allow them to stay at home if they were in receipt of Jobseeker's Allowance?

WeyHay · 31/07/2017 11:09

Well, clearly, the problem is her father, not your DD. To quote MN wisdom: "It's not a DD problem, it's a DH problem."

He needs to cut her some slack.

Want2bSupermum · 31/07/2017 11:17

There is such a thing as work life balance. I graduated and went to china for 6 weeks on a trip I had planned out and saved for during my time at university. I had studied the transition from planned economy to capital economy comparing china and Russia. China fascinated me.

I also don't plan on needing my DC to be around in my old age. I have one child who is disabled so it's DH and I who need to be there for him.

Parker231 · 31/07/2017 11:56

OP - big congratulations to your DD - a huge achievement.

My DT's have one year left at Uni - they are enjoying it - working hard and playing hard. They know that they will always have a home with us and after Uni can come home for as long as they want - job or no job. We are their parents and don't set conditions on whether they can live in the family home.

I took a year out after Uni to go travelling. It was the best decision I could have made. There is more to life than work, academic successes and studying. I deferred my graduate scheme placement (as did many in my year group) and took up the training contract when I was back from seeing the world. DT's have both expressed an interest in travelling for a year and with (hopefully) good degrees in engineering and modern languages they will be able to get jobs on their return. I'm not concerned as to whether it a minimum wage job or heading for a six figures salary career. The important thing to remember is that you work to live and never live to work !

hellsbells99 · 31/07/2017 14:52

Hi op. Congratulations to your DD on doing so well.
My friend's DD is in a similar position. She has needed some time to chill. She has just got a job sorted out in a shop now and planning to start applying for graduate jobs which probably won't start for another 12 months now. A lot of the grad training schemes are advertised September to December for starting the following September.
If your DD is thinking of applying for PGCE, then perhaps she can see if any local holiday clubs or playschemes may take her on part-time or volunteer with them.
I have 2 DDs home for the summer and my DH hates to see them doing nothing. They have had some temporary work which has just finished so we have given them a list of jobs to do (sorting out cupboards, gardening etc) in between socialising and going to the gym! I do enjoy them being home though.

Original poster
sayerville · 31/07/2017 18:33

Thank you all for your replies.
Interesting to see everyone's views, as far as I am concerned it's always her home job or no job. I remember 'having' to go back home after a broken relationship, I know it's not the same but she's had her own flat so it must be hard.
ATM she's at her bf's Mum's as she has picked up a weeks work for the uni. she said she was glad to leave the tension.

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