Higher/secondary education people - could you please help cut DD1's personal statement?

[JanH]

She's applying to do PGCE in secondary English and needs to submit a statement of precisely (?) 47 lines, but she has 63 so she needs to lose quite a bit - can anyone advise which bits are least important in the statement and which are too wordy?

TIA

It's not going to make a huge difference, but does she need to write 'I have completed several training courses in all MS Office products and consider myself especially proficient in Word and Excel'?

She has already stated that she has excellent ICT skills, and won't her training courses be covered in other parts of the application?

It appears to be an excellent ps though, and hopefully she won't lose the quality by reducing the line count.

Best of luck to her

It's a great sounding statement. I suppose (not that I know what I am talking about) I would tend to take out the bit about marking being time-consuming. Not that that will help at all, sorry. I would take her, if she was applying to me

It is good and has all the buzz words but is too wordy. She should highlight all the essential information and then see how she can put this information across in a positive way without so many words.
E.g. "I have recently started volunteering at a local high school for one day a fortnight" could become "I work as a volunteer at a local high school" (do they need to know how often?).
I'm sure that she has done all the things she talks about - unlike many UCAS candidates who express interest/experience in things they know nothing about!
Good luck - we need more enthusiastic teachers!

Thank you!

I have been pondering and I think paras 3 & 4, as the wordiest bits, could both be cut to the bone - "I have done this, and it has taught me a, b & c" - and you're right, MW, the Office stuff can go.

Para 5 has to stay because Linguistics as such isn't a normal route into English so she needs to justify it. (Her course was pure Linguistics & Phonetics, no Lit)

I will see her at lunchtime and we'll give it a go then.

I would take a look at the 'negatives' bit.

Brain not really working ATM, but something more along the lines of 'learning to meet the challenges of managing behaviour, mixed ability teaching and differentiation and managing my own workload'.

It sounds more positive, and loses the slightly misleading reference to SEN-differentiation.

Good though

Wow, it's a great statement, but I'd take out the references to the "negative" aspects of teaching if I were her. You could maybe organise the 3 paragraphs about her experience a bit differently, and bullet point her actual experience so that it's easy to identify, and then have a para underneath summarising what she's learnt from all that experience?

Yes remove the 'negative' aspects of teaching - just something along the lines of she knows from this experience that teaching is challenging.

Very good personal statement IMO

What's the line count looking like now JanH?

As an ex-English teacher I psml at the thought that"the satisfaction and feeling of worth ...is worth all the marking on the world" - it blardy isn't!! (altough I was young and idealistic too, once upon a time!)

Its a great statement - in fact, far more detailed and thoughtful than most colleges would look for. I would cut the stuff about negative aspects - her experience in the classroom means this goes without saying, and it could detract from her enthusiasm for kids which is evident throughout.
IME, she needs to think about how her academic background has prepared her to reach the literature part of the course - my degree was American Studies and I actually had to produce a breakdown with my application to prove that 45% or more of the degree was relevant.

Good luck to dd! She sounds like she will make a very talented and committed teacher.

sassy, I wasn't going to say that - I'm an ex-history teacher, and the marking and all the preparation that took most evenings and Sundays were the reason I left...

What about:

So why do I want to take this course? XX years ago, I spent three summers working at a summer camp in New York State. The satisfaction I got from helping to guide those children first made me realise I wanted to work with children full-time, not just for two months of the year. I currently work as an admin assistant for social services but, last year, in preparation for a career change, I spent a week as a volunteer in a primary school. There I discovered how structured lessons had to be, and how much planning and effort was put into preparing them. I spent time with both KS1 and KS2, but found that I particularly enjoyed assisting the Year 5s and 6s with individual tuition and group work.
Since then I have been volunteering in the English department of a local high school (which one?) for one day a fortnight. I can now see how no two days (or classes) are the same, it is so busy and absorbing that time passes quickly, and I have found it hugely rewarding and enjoyable. Of course, I also know that marking is time-consuming, that teachers have to be experts in managing difficult pupils and meeting the needs of the wide range of abilities in one class, including children with Special Educational Needs. But for all that, I believe the positive features of the job far outweigh the negative: the satisfaction and feeling of worth that one gains when a pupil submits a fantastic piece of work, or finally grasps a difficult concept, is worth all the marking in the world.

I wouldn't include "time passes quickly" or "can be rewarding and enjoyable". It is rather wordy but could easily be edited down. Things like "I feel I know..." could simply read "I can..".
Don't mention the marking! It is an accepted part of the job after all.
Good luck with the application.

I teach secondary English and I agree with other posters that I would minimise negative references. If I were reading it, my only concern would be - as JanH says - the degree in linguistics, not English Lit. Secondary English teaching involves a lot of literature work, particularly at A level, so she might want to slim down other sections so that she can refer in a little more detail to her knowledge of literature? Hope that helps.

Oh now that is good

And then she could put in the linguistics justification.

Possibly also mention an interest in the theatre or something (if this is the case). They want teachers to inspire and b egenuinely interested in the subject and not just able to teach the mechanics of it.

Thanks for all your input, I've actually sent it off now - I checked this morning and there were only a couple of reponses so thought I should just do it, am wishing I had waited now.

However, I did get rid of the SEN-differentiation bit, and got rid of a lot of the wordiness (I do tend to use ten words when three will do).

I also left in the negative aspects... am wishing I hadn't now! Aloha I love your opening paragraph, ooh I am mad with myself. Oh well, what's done is done - I'll post what I did put in the end in a minute.

Thanks again, if (IF!!) I get an interview I'll come back and pick your brains again.

(Please don't make any more suggestions though - I can't change it now!!)

tuesdayafternoon, don't worry, it's still an excellent ps. Your enthusiasm is obvious which is what's important.

Good luck, fingers crossed for you.

How long do you have to wait to know if you have got through to the interview stage?

It's great. Better than the first one posted. Better than mine when I applied...

So many people apply for teaching because they can't think what else to do, or because they are disappointed with their first choice. They generally make pretty poor teachers. Your enthusiasm comes across, and they really should interview you. Good luck

I'd be very surprised indeed if you didn't get an interview with that statement. It is a million times better than I remember mine being...!

Ah thanks

I have to wait for my uni tutor to compete my reference, which he has said he'll do early next week - after that, it's a waiting game! There's no official deadline but courses are filling up so fingers crossed I'll find out how I've got on in the next few weeks.

Thanks once again.

DD1 had an interview last Wednesday, and found out yesterday that she got the last place on the course She is really pleased and excited and looking forward to starting in Sept.

Thanks again for all the advice