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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

Worried about DD at Uni

43 replies

sassymuffin · 22/02/2017 11:44

DD has phoned in tears because she is feeling so ill and exhausted. She thinks she has some kind of stomach flu, constant nausea, no appetite then if she eats she is bloated after a few mouthfuls followed by diarrhoea then headache and tiredness. She has been in pain with for the past 7 days so I have made her make a doctors appointment today.

Her sleep pattern is none existent and she seems to be napping in 2 hour intervals throughout the day and night. Collectively she is sleeping a lot but it isn't quality sleep iyswim. I think there is a strong possibility her symptoms are stress/anxiety related but want to rule out anything physical hence asking her to make an appointment with the GP.

She has missed lectures over the past week and has a lot of essays and supervisions to attend over the next few days so doesn't want to come home to recuperate as she is already falling rapidly behind in her work. Her health is clearly more important but she is resolute in staying a uni at the moment. I asked her to go to student welfare today for advice and support but she says that it is so backed up they wont be able to see her until next week.

DS is off for half term at the moment and I have no suitable childcare but feel really torn. She is 200 miles away and my partner is working away so have no transport for the next few days.

Even if I get a train today Hotels and Airbnb are coming in at extortionate prices due to half term and her uni being a tourist city. We are already stretched financially so it is massively frustrating.

I will definitely drive down as soon as partner gets home but just wondered if anyone had any advice as to what to recommend for her to do until then.

Sorry for the ramble just feeling useless at the moment and worrying a lot.

OP posts:

goodbyestranger · 22/02/2017 13:50

That seems quite an extravagant interpretation of the term freshers' flu TheEdgeofSeventeen.

Original poster

sassymuffin · 22/02/2017 14:05

The doctor is pretty confident it is gastroenteritis which has hit her hard as she is very thin and has dehydrated quickly and she hasn't been looking after herself very well. As you have indicated Trip her diet has not been the best at all.
She also shares a house with people who quite frankly have disgusting habits and some plates and utensils have been unwashed since January and now have mould on them in the communal kitchen. She refused to wash them on principal even housekeeping has complained numerous times but nothing has been done. This may be how she has caught it.

DD has just been on the phone for the last 30 mins. She sounds tired and admitted to having had a tough term with the usual heavy workload, lots of interviews and applications and assessments for summer placements in the city, socialising, extra curricular societies, a boyfriend in London and a good dose of impostor syndrome. She feels a fraud and is embarrassed to admit that she is only just staying afloat while her friends think she is doing great. Goodbye She has promised to go to student welfare this afternoon.

She has emailed her tutor to keep him up to date, he has now contacted a fellow student who receives all lectures on audio and she will receive copies and is going to pick them up later. He has also put a 72 hour hold on all her deadlines. She has only cancelled one supervision so far and if she paces herself and cancels her extra curriculars she thinks she will get up to speed next week. If she doesn't then I have told her to not be afraid to look at other options.

maxandmaxine thank you for your extraordinarily kind offer but the college have offered me a guest room on Sat. It was very much appreciated and made me tear up a bit!

I feel a lot more reassured now I know the college are aware she struggling and is ill. I know she is an adult but even DD admitted she wants a hug off her mum and wants me to go down and see her at the weekend so that is the plan.

OP posts:

Needmoresleep · 22/02/2017 14:06

OP also remember that children can dump on let down their guard more with parents (often mothers) than they do with peers.

It is good that she is reaching out to you when she is at her lowest. But it may very well be that this is the lowest and once she is on the mend she will be fine. (We are having a bit of this with DD who is working a ski season. We get the gloom and doom, can't manage, phone calls, and then don't hear from her for a week as she is too busy enjoying herself.) However you don't know and need to check.

Original poster

sassymuffin · 22/02/2017 14:08

Crosspost with Needmoresleep I think that is what has happened.

OP posts:

Needmoresleep · 22/02/2017 14:09

Cross post. That sounds better. I hope the weekend goes well.

TheEdgeofSeventeen · 22/02/2017 14:14

@GoodbyeStranger - well thats just what everyone at my uni means by it - reintroduction to the uni environment = freshers flu

goodbyestranger · 22/02/2017 14:15

Sounds very promising sassy - she's doing all the right things. Glad about the college room - a useful facility,

Original poster

sassymuffin · 22/02/2017 14:37

Good idea about a little first aid/care box TheEdge, she has said her supplies are running low on basic medicine and I will definitely get some hand sanitiser too after the pictures of the kitchen she sent me!

OP posts:

Stopyourhavering · 22/02/2017 17:20

Could it be glandular fever.... my dh had this as a medical student many moons ago and was v I'll with it- ended up being admitted to hospital as he lived 7 hrs from home and parents couldn't travel to collect him( he had a tender abdomenand nausea due to an enlarged spleen- common in glandular fever apparently)....can be diagnosed with a blood test
Hope she gets answer soon...definitely get her to contact her tutor asap

Serin · 22/02/2017 20:05

sassymuffin, I feel for you, Our DD was like this last year, luckily she has taken better care of herself this year. Yoga classes are helping her to relax and she bought herself a smoothie maker to whizz up kale, kiwi, lime etc!

maxandmaxine you are lovely.

BasiliskStare · 22/02/2017 21:04

Sassy, I hope things go well. DS is also half way through 2nd year. It is (it seems to me) quite a hard time. He has a great deal going on, not all of it going his way , and he says there is a "thing" called 5th week blues - i.e. you are right in the midst of things and it's all a bit wading through treacle. However, she sounds like she is doing all the right things by speaking to tutors , student welfare etc and of course , you. Best wishes.

maxandmaxine · 22/02/2017 23:10

No probs OP. I was heavily involved with the university growing up , and have seen all of my peers go through exactly what your DC is too.
Make sure she accesses all the relevant help, it is out there for her esp at Cambridge.

BlisseyMon · 23/02/2017 00:01

Has your DD got some good friends at Uni. I've been pleasantly suprised at how my DC and their pals look after each other when their sick.

Original poster

sassymuffin · 28/02/2017 19:02

Update - Went to visit DD on Saturday. She still looked quite poorly and tired but she managed to come with me to the supermarket and I stocked her up with some healthy food to try to build her strength up. She has never been ill to the extent that she couldn't get out of bed while she has been away from home before and she wasn't looking after herself very well.

The GP confirmed gastroenteritis and has advised that she take it easy over the next few weeks. She has now caught up on a big chunk of her work but needs to reset her body clock as the regular all nighters have taken their toll.

She is generally quite independent which is why I was so worried about her when she phoned me last week. I think a combination of illness, heavy workload, lack of sleep, weekly socialising with societies and friends plus a good dose of self doubt got on top of her and she had a bit of a meltdown

Welfare have been great in assuring her that lots of students feel they are not good enough and talking about things instead of keeping insecurities bottled up is the way to go.

Thank you for all your best wishes and great suggestions

OP posts:

Leeds2 · 28/02/2017 20:01

Glad to hear you had a good weekend with her, and hope DD follows up on all advice given by you and the GP. Healthy food will hopefully help.

BlisseyMon · 28/02/2017 21:16

That's good news. It's good to hear that the welfare dept have been supportive too.

EnormousTiger · 28/02/2017 21:49

Might be worth ordering her some lovely and healthy food on line too and perhaps call her at 8pm each night for a chat after which she could have a bath and an early bed time. She might need ear plugs

Foureyesarebetterthantwo · 03/03/2017 22:08

You sound such a lovely mum. I work at a uni and I'm always pleased when parents come to help if the students are really running into difficulties. I think it makes a huge difference to know you are supported. Not for every sniffle or cold, but if they get something really nasty, then a helping hand is fine.

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