Sharing a room at university?

[indiraisindiaisindira]

Would it be mean of us to make dd share a room in first year at uni?

She'a tempted by the fact that she'd get a nice old room and not be put in a grotty annexe

Also will save us £600

Do you have any experience of this?

Sharing a room is not for everyone. People have very different concepts of personal space and need for peace and quiet.

That said, we are talking about 18 year olds, and the ability to be flexible and cope can be a huge advantage. Not only might it deliver better and cheaper accommodation at University, which will matter for many, it provides a general ability to rough it. Useful later on if you work somewhere expensive like London and are able to be more central because you don't need an ensuite. But generally.

Someone here once suggested ex-Boarding school kids often picked older cheaper halls, because for them it was more of the same, yet presumably they are better able to afford to pay extra. DD is working a ski season, and faces five months of sharing, essentially a cupboard, with another girl. They have to move a bed to access the wardrobe. I assume that they will soon both be so tired that they could sleep anywhere. It will be interesting to see whether this experience opens her up to sharing at University to save money, or whether it makes a room of her own an absolute priority.

Sharing a room at a ski resort isn't quite comparable to sharing your study space.

When I went to uni you had to share a room unless you had a compelling reason to be allocated one of the few single rooms (e.g. one friend had a single room because she had been seriously ill before coming to university and had to be able to have quiet time to rest etc). Most of the matches (made on the basis of a short questionnaire about what time you get up/go to bed, whether you smoked, your interests etc) worked out well and I don't recall any major issues. I was very close to my room mate and still am 20 years later - we shared a house in 2nd year (with others) and lived on the same corridor in 3rd year.
There were some limited opportunities to move rooms etc if things didn't work out - would there be an option to switch room mates/move to a single room if the room mate match was very very bad? If so I think sharing is a good idea and most of the friends I had who shared (which was most people i knew in my first year) liked sharing.

It was me that suggested boarding school pupils are happy with basic accommodation and share even though they could probably afford better. I think they are used to sharing and lack of privacy.

Plenty of students don't work in their rooms that much. Scientists are in labs and there are libraries and work stations in the departments.

I cannot see universities building more shared accommodation. Fewer and fewer want it. Even to save money. Not many halls have shared rooms these days but shared bathrooms is still quite common. No-one who wants to make friends will shut themselves into their room but DD2 found it harder to make friends in a 6 bed flat in a tower block. The flat, with its front door and lift made it far more isolating than an old fashioned quad.

I was in a double room for my first year at uni. After the first few days, the other girl barely spoke to me. I was quite shy at the time so we more or less ignored each other, and she got herself moved to a different room after the first term. So I had a big room to myself, no problem.

I shared when I first went to university. The girl I shared with was OK but we had nothing whatsoever in common, so it did nothing to increase my pool of friends and was deadly dull. I also increasingly wanted my own space so that I could go to bed when I wanted, play my own music, etc etc. I put myself on the waiting list for a single room and was delighted to move at the earliest possible opportunity.

I think yes it would be mean to "make " her unless financially you have to. If you don't have to, then let her decide. My daughters halls were split into flats, they all had their own rooms and own bathrooms, but shared kitchen and living space , and four of the six of them then went on to rent a house together for this their second year, so now shared bathrooms and it's fine. ThEy are very close and will be sharing again for their third.

I think the problems arise is if you end up sharing with someone who socialises a lot or keeps different hours to you and you're trying to study or sleep. Or if you don't particularly like your room mate. In addition some folks don't like sharing, it's a privacy thing.

So if it's not a case of financially having to, I'd let her decide. Leaving home for uni and the change in work pattern is tough enough as it is.

One last thought, go catered if you can. Leaving home is a big change and adding in cooking and shopping can make it a little tougher. They have to do it in their second year, so making the first year as comfortable as possible for her , was for me , important. It simply meant the adjustment was staggered and she could adapt and focus on her studies and bus,ding a new social circle, as well as all the other things that come into play when first moving away, like managing your own money totally.

Hence my point earlier, about how close you are to the University library. Despite not sharing a room, DS has preferred using the library to studying in his flat. Given how full the library was when I visited him one Sunday, I assume that preference is pretty common. (Plus in London it is not uncommon for overseas students in particular to share rooms in rented flats, but then in London it is not uncommon for teenage kids to have to share a bedroom at home.)

I also assume halls with lots of shared rooms still make provision, as they did in my day, by providing a quiet study room.

To those saying they wouldn't possibly have been able to share, I thought the same thing, as I was an only child and had never had to share anything! However, I soon learned, and I only remember one person not really getting on with their roommate, but they didn't actually fall out, so I think the chances of everything being fine is pretty high. At that age, you are pretty adaptable, and I think sharing's a good learning experience. My friend and I could never work out how we were matched up from the questionnaire, though, except we were both non-smokers!

When my DSSs were applying for first year accommodation, the algorithm allocated shared rooms in both cases with information on a preferred room mate i.e. there was an assumption that students opting to share might have agreed this with a friend. The universities weren't encouraging random strangers to share.

Our flat of single rooms only had one shower and one bath, plus two toilets and four basins for nine of us!

We managed....

I cannot see universities building more shared accommodation.

Many, if not most, universities let out their accommodation and facilities for conferences in the vacations. Conference goers tend to want single rooms with en suite facilities, so that's what universities build.

(Many also let out accommodation to holidaymakers wanting B&B. It's very good for groups of friends who don't want to share rooms.)

I shared for one year. Two terms with someone I really did not see eye to eye with. Then one lovely term with my friend, after a room swap. The first two terms were trying... so I would recommend sharing with a friend. With a stranger, you take a total gamble.

My son shared in the fist year. Him and his roommate got on really well so it all worked out fine. Not sure if it's the same in the U.K., but here you have the opportunity to find your roommate yourself, based on similar interests, etc. and also get to know each other via social media before they arrive.

The university in question said that they pair people based on "lifestyle choices" such as bed times?

Mine was paired with me because we were on similar courses. But we were like chalk and cheese...

We had one working shower for a whole floor plus a couple of toilets and banks of sinks. A very communal experience and not one we wanted DD to have to deal with if not essential.

Even the flat share can be a bit of a minefield. DD had a fairly horrible time with her fellow sharees. First couple of weeks were fine but once the work started DD found that her fellow students were not interested in their courses but were interested in partying to the wee small hours and kicking a football up and down the corridor.

I wouldn't as it's down to luck who they share with -35 years on, I'm still friends with my first room mate at uni, but other people were totally incompatible which caused lots of upset.

My brother shared a room in halls in the late eighties - not sure how well he got on with his roommate but I married him 😉

Dd has friends who were allocated a shared room at Bristol university. At Bristol if students take a course in clearing or as an insurance choice they are unlikely to get accommodation in halls and if they do they are often expected to share. Dd's friends have mixed experiences, some students don't mind but others have not liked it as they have been placed in rooms designed for one and the university have placed bunk beds in the room.

I would say it depends on what sort of personality your DD has - if she is okay being around other people all the time, she could have a great time!

For me, I was quite introverted at the start. I loved spending time with people but that was because I knew I could always go to my room and lock the door if I wanted to just be on my own. Those first few weeks when I was in a new city, with new people around me, and my parents were so far away, I really appreciated having somewhere I could retreat to and just relax!

I wouldn't, my Ds has a single ensuite and it's much better in my, and his, opinion.

DD shared at Bristol. Yes, room allocation and sharing can be a lottery at a very popular university. Sometimes though there is a chance to move when a few students drop out.

I noticed someone earlier queried why students might be paired on bedtimes. Some students skype all night back home to friends and family. Some work very late. My DD's sharer did both of these but her room was through my DD's room. DD had to ensure there was a "corridor" from her front door to the second room's door. If the other student had been in and out all the time it would have been a real problem. However, she shut herself away and just associated with other Chinese students and had nothing to do with the others in the cluster of rooms at all, despite continual invitations to join them for hall meals, meals out and other activities. As a sharing arrangement, it sort of worked because they were very different. Never were friends of course, but as the other girl was a vet, she would do her own thing from Y2 onwards anyway. I just think it depends on personalities and making a go of it. DD would still much rather have shared in a catered hall than had a room in a house in Y1.