Should I say something?

[examworries20]

DS has just started his second year uni exams. They will last for 2 weeks. He seemed to cope well last year which was a great relief as he had always been the type to wing it at school, leaving everything until the last minute. I thought he must have finally matured and developed a work routine. He is very independent but texted my DD last week to say he thought we would disown him after he got his grades this time (we are not tiger parents and have never pressured him so was a weird comment to make) We don't try to interfere and only know what he's told us about last year- he got a 2.1 apparently.
He never really talks about work when he phones, just about his main hobby, social stuff etc. but when we last spoke a week ago he said he was worried he couldn't work 14 hours a day like his friends could and was blaming his school for not teaching him how to work consistently (we did try through high school to no avail!). He tried to brush it off as a joke but something didnt sound right. He is doing a very heavy course at Oxbridge.
For the first time I have a gut feeling that is really worrying me. I know he is an adult but I don't want him to end up with a health issue or fail his course as he would be devastated as it's all he has wanted to do for a very long time. We are several hours drive away.
Has anyone experienced similar? What did you do, if anything?

Incidentally I disagree with the tutors on here to some extent though I think they are just saying that you should not run to a tutor and expect to have a conversation about whether you should be concerned about your child. However if you have real and well founded concerns about your child's mental health then I do think that a parent can have a role in alerting them to some of the context (without expecting any sort of input / output) that they will not find out from your DC. It is a feature of mental illness that a skewed perspective may make them feel they won't or shouldn't get the sort of support the tutor and other support and medical professionals would want to give to a student experiencing problems, and it needs facilitating by someone.

Very good posts ron.

It is interesting that the OP mentioned several issues regarding her DS before mentioning Oxbridge. It is perhaps worth noting the report on suicides in young people by Manchester University which has been in the news today mentions lots of triggers for depression and, of course, exams is one. However it is not just Oxbridge exams. Everyone does need to realise that stress can be induced by any fear of failure, whether at Oxbridge or not. It is by no means the case that Oxbridge students suffer more than most. In fact they have been hand-picked by tutors for their special attributes and ability to do the courses there. A bit more appreciation of the feelings of all students and young people would be welcome.

Well said bojorojo
The stress at Oxbridge does not necessarily trump that at other unis. I have had 2 children at 2 top universities, although not Oxbridge, their stresses have been very different but a lot of that was down to personality.

Thank you Kummerspeck. It is hard being a lone voice! I totally agree that personality is key, not university or course. If this was the case, young people would not take their own lives during GCSEs or A levels or because they have acne or are overweight. It is key that parents recognise distress signals of course and try to access help which can be a very difficult process.