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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Waiting a year to reapply for university - it's a bad idea, right?

64 replies

lidlpony · 20/02/2016 10:41

DS has only received 1 offer so far, from his least favourite option. He is gutted he didn't receive an offer from Oxford (he had an interview). He's waiting for Durham, Edinburgh, Reading and UCL. He is now saying that if he doesn't get an offer from Durham he wants to take a year of and 'work or something then travel' and reapply. Durham are very slow I know, so I'm still hoping he'll get an offer and put this idea out of his head.

How on earth could it help to reapply next year? It can't possibly be a positive to have deferred without a place (I'm not talking about a gap year with a place in the bag) and it won't be any less competitive.

Can anyone help me with information on this option? Obviously he's not massively receptive to input from me what with me knowing nothing about anything etc.

OP posts:
Lolimax · 20/02/2016 17:54

OP did you say he was a LAC? If that's the case and he does (or doesn't) get the offers it might be worth his tutor approaching UCAS to ask to defer for a year anyway to give his maturity a chance to develop. If he's not ready it would be a real shame to set him up to fail. If he doesn't get the offers but gets the grades he could surely take a year out, volunteer and reapply? Good luck.

Batavias · 20/02/2016 18:05

The OP ha said that her DS is a 'looked after' child with 'some issues'. Some children and adults need a bit of extra support.

dontrunwithscissors · 20/02/2016 18:45

Can you explain the term 'looked after'? Is it a technical term, or a euphemism for spoilt?

Suffolkgirl1 · 20/02/2016 18:46

My DS is also still waiting for Durham and UCL. Durham are notoriously late with offers, we know of one DD who didnt get her offer til mid April last year.
Reapplying next year can be an advantage as he would have his grades "in the bag", so the unis are not left wondering if the predicted grades are accurate or not, and offers will be unconditional. I also know of one DC who missed his grades for his firm offer, didn't get his place, reapplied for the same course the next year and was given an unconditional, so sometimes it is just a numbers game.
However unless you can improve his confidence significantly he is unlikely to get through an oxbridge interview any better.

Suffolkgirl1 · 20/02/2016 18:50

LAC (looked after child) means they are, or have been, looked after by the local authority. Eg in care, fostered, adopted etc.

Original poster
lidlpony · 20/02/2016 18:50

He is a million miles from volunteering, or getting a job or traveling or anything like that. If I thought he would do that I would be right behind him. He will stay in his room and cook up some kind of internet business.

OP posts:
Batavias · 20/02/2016 18:55

dontrunwithscissors

Try google Hmm

I think you comment is unkind and unnecessary.

Foginthehills · 20/02/2016 22:33

Frankly if he can't or won't do the things you say he can't or won't do, I really can't fathom why you think it would be better for him to be at university? As the other academics have said, he may well flounder at the moment.

He's also sounds like an "all or nothing" person, which can get you a long way, but generally (to stretch a metaphor) not to the finish line. He will also need to learn to be pragmatic, and take things a step at a time. And deal with failure or not getting the A* he's used to getting now.

Unless you think that university tutors can do what you, his family (and presumably a social worker if he's a looked after child) cannot get him to do? Frankly, it's not hugely likely ...

A gap year, and applying with achieved grades, is not a bad thing, at all.

Does he acknowledge that he is shy and lacks essential life skills? That said, I was only just 17 when I went away to university, and almost paralysingly shy. I coped and indeed thrived. But I was determined and resilient, and not a looked after child (which suggests quite a breach or crisis at some point in his background). My only experience of teaching a LAC was not a pleasant or successful one. The student in question had so much serious baggage that there was little room for anything else.

University is not therapy, although it can be an opportunity for significant personal growth.

Coconutty · 20/02/2016 22:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaPharisienne · 20/02/2016 22:59

A year out, if he has to get a job, may help a lot to broaden his perspective and improve his social skills but sounds like your instincts are spot on ... A year in his bedroom would be a disaster.

Unrelated to the OP, but in response to other posters, there's no such thing as "Doxbridge" (had to laugh at that) and getting in to Oxford isn't a "lottery" - the tutors have their reasons and aren't just pulling names out of a hat ffs.

senua · 20/02/2016 23:14

There's no such thing as Oxbridge but it is a generally accepted term for Oxford and Cambridge. I thought that Doxbridge was a generally accepted term for Durham, Oxford and Cambridge - two of which OP's DS has applied to.

ICantFindAFreeNickName2 · 20/02/2016 23:31

My experience is similar to Mumsieof2's. My DS sounds like yours very clever but not great socially (he's high functioning asd).Never had a job, would rather go without things than get a part-time job. I was very concerned that he would not cope at uni and would drop out in his first year, but it's been the making of him. Not only is he coping academically but he is thriving socially as well.
As a looked after child, would he be entitled to any support at uni, like students with disabilities are. My son had an student assigned to him that he could ask for help when he first started at uni.

DeoGratias · 21/02/2016 08:00

Could the school organise voluntary work? One of my sixth form sons does that in a school and I think he's getting a lot out of it. He's quite shy although he never stops talking at home.

(Most people use Oxbridge and know it means Oxford and Cambridge. I could write long hand my siblings went to Oxford and Cambridge respectively or what I would usually do on a quick internet post they went to Oxbridge and as one went to both it becomes even more of a useful shorthand).

Original poster
lidlpony · 21/02/2016 09:20

He is excellent at working independently. It's been a revelation for him to go from school to a college where autonomy is highly valued (their students have a very low dropout rate at university for this reason). He organises his own work and is quite passionate about his subject. I have no worries about him coping academically at university. I do however, have big worries about him coping with a job.

OP posts:
Batavias · 21/02/2016 10:01

That's brilliant if he is doing that well at a college. Presumably his attendance and timekeeping is good too.

I guess just have keep your fingers crossed that he gets offers from the other Unis.

Did he go to many open days?

Molio · 21/02/2016 10:19

OP what were the three areas out of four that he fell down on for Oxford and what was the fourth? I think looking at that would be useful. Not getting in a second time won't help his confidence one bit.

I thought the term Doxbridge was reserved for a limited number of sports fixtures only.

Bobo of course it's not a lottery, in the proper sense of the term, nothing like.

Themodernuriahheep · 21/02/2016 10:30

Op, we are in exactly the same situation although Ds not a LAC. DS' friends have heard from Durham.

My view is: go through clearing if he didn't get offers, though I'd be very surprised if he doesn't with those predictions. Bear in mind that HEIs can now expand their courses got top grade students. Then take a gap year if he doesn't get the offers in clearing. Get a job over the summer months, any job. He will learn hugely from it.

bojorojo · 21/02/2016 12:45

I think if a young person will only sit in his room, then I would try and get help from other professionals to try and move on from this and that would include asking the school/college as to whether they can use his PP funding to offer specific help on this front. (Although I am not sure sixth formers get this - do ask). The best schools will use the funding or (indeed find funding) and tailor it to the needs of the pupil. Therefore personal development and confidence are aspects the money could be targetted towards. He clearly does not need academic stretching, so get the school to use any money it can find for counselling or other strategies that will help. A good school will do this.

Helenluvsrob · 21/02/2016 12:49

A gap year can be hugely positive and applying to uni grades in hand is so much easier too. He's going to be working till he's 90 ( I only half jest) so a year here to mature and get his head round things is really not a problem.

Foginthehills · 21/02/2016 13:30

Absolutely, HelenluvsRob

RhodaBull · 21/02/2016 19:15

Ds didn't get into Oxford after an interview. The feedback was that he was a very near miss (a miss is as good as a mile, I know) so although it isn't a complete lottery, once someone is through the door after an aptitude test chance does play a part.

Anyway, ds is taking a gap year. He didn't feel ready to go to university. He is socially quite awkward and looks about 12 still. He has no plans - and I don't care! I'm quite with Helenluvsrob in that working life is so long that a bit of loafing on the sofa is surely not going to do any harm. The OP says that he is internet savvy enough to think about starting a business from his bedroom so what's wrong with that? And it's fine to have a job in Tesco Express or whatever to earn some pin money. I'm sure that universities know that you are not a disaster if you haven't spent a year shadowing high court judges or doing an internship at Apple or building a couple of orphanages in Timbuktu single-handedly.

Helenluvsrob · 21/02/2016 22:18

Kind of hoping youngest takes a gap year. We are 2/3 way through lower 6th and she hasn't got a scooby what she wants to do- I don't want her to make any ill considered choices just so she goes with her mates in 2017. If she is applying for then we need to be applying for open days this summer and the tine to apply will be soon !

sassymuffin · 22/02/2016 13:17

lidlpony Hopefully your DS will hear soon from his other choices and this may significantly change his current mind set if he receives further offers. Some Unis are notoriously slower at getting back to applicants than others.

If your DS does decide to take a year and apply in next years ucas cycle then it is essential he is proactive and puts his time to good use. Relevant work experience either voluntary or paid will enhance his personal statement and hopefully boost his confidence.

DD's friend applied for medicine last year and received no offers, I think this happens a lot with certain courses. After spending a month getting over the disappointment she dusted herself down and realised the rejection had made her more determined. Over the past 12 months she has been doing voluntary work at the local hospital and has been doing paid work in a care home in the evenings. She has just received an offer for Cambridge to start in October and at interview they told her her work in the care home will be invaluable in her clinical training. However this choice always comes with risk and doesn't always guarantee a happy outcome.

bojorojo · 22/02/2016 13:35

I think the OP knows what her DS should do, it is how to get him to do it that is the problem. If a young person is so awkward about branching out into the world, then telling them to work or even volunteer is a huge challenge. Independence is a good thing, but few people live and work totally independently of others. Therefore working collaboratively is a good thing, but the OP's DS clearly is not good at this and his school have encouraged independent learning so the social side of his life is somewhat neglected. He has been able to do what he wants to do and has not been forced out his comfort zone.

I think finding help to try and help him cope with this is best. I also think university would be a massive struggle too. Coping skills are needed there and being able to ask for help and guidance is an important part of learning to live away from home.

Foginthehills · 22/02/2016 13:40

Some Unis are notoriously slower at getting back to applicants than others

Off-topic a bit, but I've seen many posters on here questioning how a university can give out offers, before they've seen all the applications. And implying that there#s bias etc etc & being v v boring in the casting of aspersions against somehow corrupt or biased university staff.

And so now people are moaning about how long it's taking universities to make offers?

I think people might need to decide what they want. You can't have both ...