Rustication

[IAmcuriousyellow]

DD is halfway through her first term. It has been difficult, in that she is high functioning AS and anxiety has prevented her from attending all classes. She had a meeting today with the chaplain and welfare who have offered rustication, to return in autumn 2016 and in the meantime have access to all college facilities, and the strong suggestion is that she takes it. She's been told that there is concern she won't be able to catch up with the work now.

And I've just been reading some horror stories about rustication! People having to leave by the back door and not being allowed to pick up their things - I have no experience of this whatsoever and wonder if I have a part to play in this? Or am I not to be involved as DD is an adult? Should I ask her to if possible get the details (access to college facilities) in writing, or at least confirm this with tutors?

She registered with the disability service there only very recently, just this week, and has been told that next year she'll have a mentor - she did all her own paperwork and I honestly thought she was registered with them already and I think if she had been it would have made a difference.

Has this happened to anyone else's kid?

Very glad to hear you're feeling better about it all and that your DD is too.

Your experiences match mine, PeasePudding. It can be amazing to see the change when people have taken time off and come back. Sometimes I think it's because they've realised that academic success isn't the only thing that matters in life - that (mental) health comes first - and so they approach their studies with less anxiety, and get better results. Perfectionism can be very crippling not just for students but for grown-up academics as well.

IAmcuriousyellow I've just come back from three days in Oxford with the eldest six and we spoke about rustication, for obvious reasons. They reminded me that there are significantly more than seven students we know between us at Oxford who have rusticated recently and when they mentioned the names and circumstances it illustrated the point that people take time out for a myriad of reasons. The overwhelming message was that your DD will find no stigma whatsoever on her return in the student or teaching body, and that if this was destined to happen, then now really is a good time to go. I echo the advice about keeping productively occupied while trying to build a firmer base for next year - it would be very easy to get low after the initial relief of getting a break from the stress. Another very clear message was that between all these students not a single one failed to return. No doubt across the university there are a few who leave for good, but every student known by us as a collective returned and did fine - or even exceptionally well. The only slightly negative note was sounded by DS1 (who was both his college and a university welfare rep) who said there might be an increased likelihood of rusticating a second or subsequent time since she's left so early on, so that might be something to watch for. Be careful too that local doctors don't instantly try to persuade her that Oxford is too high stress - you might well find that as the knee jerk reaction. I say that with reason, hard facts to hand - it can be especially bad in certain parts of the country of which yours may be one. If it's possible I would think about asking if your DD can get help from doctors in Oxford, starting with the college GP who can refer on - they understand much better up there, on the whole. That's where her notes will be at the moment in any event. Then perhaps she could commute weekly or fortnightly, which will have the bonus of keeping in touch with tutors, any new friends she's made, old school friends etc

Pease sometimes students will resist rustication because to take it would destroy them more than staying on and struggling. OP's DD clearly has a very good relationship with a very supportive mother and a home she can go back to - not all students with difficulties have that. Another thing is clear and that is that rustication is a very mixed experience even these days, with so much depending on a student's tutor. That's inevitable, given the structure of the universities but tolerance is required in all situations - your post did smack slightly of a degree of intolerance towards those students who choose to remain, although perhaps you were simply trying to be positive about rusticating to reassure the OP. But there may well be compelling psychological or practical reasons for opting to stay and one needs to respect that - none of these students are light thinkers, as you'll obviously know.

Molio I've just seen your last post, and I want to thank you once again for your wisdom and insight.

DD has only been home a day or two really and as predicted is remorseful about coming away - although it was presented as a choice I can see that it was a foregone conclusion, and for my part I'm happy to accept the situation as I'm sure the university has seen many more young people with difficulties than I have! So we are working on being busy and productive and seeing the positives rather than the negatives.

I take your point about her local GP advising her to drop the idea of Oxford altogether. However she is firmly plugged into the counselling service and will be having regular sessions of CBT with them online/Skype and I have high hopes for that as over the years she's been very resistant to the concept, seeing it as patronising and reductive, but now things have come to this point she can see how continuing to embrace her difficulties rather than confront and overcome them has nearly lost her something she dreamed of and worked hard to get.

So it will be an interesting year! I've always felt that she could do with a little more growing up than her peers and this may be just the job, she can go back with more resilience and emotional maturity, and with the re entry plan of summer visits, contact with tutors, a mentor and the attentions of the counselling and welfare services I think it's going to work.