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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

Going to Uni with your mates

13 replies

TinklyLittleLaugh · 27/10/2015 22:04

I have a son in his third year and a daughter in her first year and both have commented on the number of kids who seem to do this now. People go to the same University as a group of their friends, form a bit of a clique and are not really interested in friendships outside that circle.

DD in particular has found that most of the girls in her flat seem to have come with close friends already in place, and though she gets on fine with them, goes on nights out and socialises, no one is really interested in making new friends. They do include her in their groups from home but she feels a bit out of the loop.

I have told her not to fret; it's early days for finding bosom buddies and she's a nice friendly person who will find her people. But just wondering, has anyone else's offspring encountered this? Is sticking with your school mates a thing now? I don't think it is really what University should be about.

OP posts:

Hassled · 27/10/2015 22:15

I don't think that's what University should be about either. Part of the point is that experience of coping on your own, making new friends etc. It's completely terrifying, and I can sort of see the appeal of going with your mates - but what about picking the best course in the best place that suits your needs/ability? That's out the window if you've just picked Town X because Best Mate likes the History course there. It's madness.

stonecircle · 27/10/2015 22:24

I suppose now so many people go to university the chances are that you will know others from your school. If I look at the list of destinations from ds's school it's not unusual to see up to 10 students going to each of the more popular universities. But I think it might be difficult to engineer going to the same place as your close friends rather than acquaintances. DS and a friend did try this but his friend didn't get the grades. DS knows of 2 others from his school at his university but they aren't close friends and I don't think he meets up with them. He's in his first year and so far most of his social outings involve the people in his flat - I'm not aware that any of them have other close friendship groups from school. One of the girls is from Prague so no pre-existing friendship groups for her!

I agree, university should be about making new friends and having new experiences.

Original poster

TinklyLittleLaugh · 27/10/2015 22:33

Yeah good point about more people going nowadays I suppose.

OP posts:

TalkinPease · 28/10/2015 11:26

I was at the same Uni as somebody from my class of 40. Never spoke to the awful girl.
I was at the same Uni as a girl from my college of 100. Never spoke to her.

I met hundreds of new friends at uni and married one of them.

DD is at a mahoosive college that gets kids into every Uni in the country so she is bound to know people when she goes, possibly even on the same course.
But that is not a reason to choose a Uni
IMHO

Ohtobeskiing · 28/10/2015 11:31

In first year DS had a guy in the same flat in the room next door who had gone to the same sixth form at the same time. They had never set eyes on each other before!

Needmoresleep · 28/10/2015 11:42

Public schools boys always did. Eton, Oxford and then Cabinet!

I think there are six or seven from DS' year at the same University as him. However none on his course and none from his school friendship group. He does no more than say hello when he sees them. There is a boy from the year above on the same course and who he likes, and who invited him to join a 7 a side football team. Its nice to have access to a different social group once a week, and was useful at the start to have a bit of mentoring on option choices etc, but that is all.

One advantage though of studying close to home has been that school friends meet up when they are in town. Its nice, but enough. They are all forging their own paths, some of which may cross when least expected.

CarrieMathisonsTrouserSuit · 28/10/2015 15:04

DS was horrified that someone he knew from college was applying to the same uni as him . I did point out that their paths were unlikely to cross.

TalkinPease · 28/10/2015 15:30

DDs college sends over 1000 kids to Uni every year, nearly 700 to the Russell Group ones alone
chances of NOT meeting kids from her college are pretty slim

and YY : Winchester sends 1/4 of its boys to Oxford and 1/4 to Cambridge : not exactly imaginative is it

Original poster

TinklyLittleLaugh · 28/10/2015 15:43

Yes, I mean there are people from my kids' colleges at their Universities, but they didn't plan to go with a bunch of their mates like a lot of these young people seem to have.

For instance there is a lad from NI in my DD's flat who seems to have come with about half a dozen of his besties, a couple of who didn't even seem to be sure what course they were studying and basically seem to be treating it as a sort of extended lads holiday.

It seems a bit symptomatic of a general lack of confidence in some people, a need to stick with their own.

OP posts:

defineme · 28/10/2015 16:14

Well I did 23 years ago with my best friend, so no, not a new thing!
We did the same 'A' levels, same university tours, were friends because we were interested in the same stuff...hardly surprising is it? I made a lot of new friends that I still know today-I think having her there got me over initial nerves, but also made it much easier to make new ones. We haven't lived in the same city since so I don't rely on her now, but we do still holiday with our families together!

bigbluebus · 28/10/2015 17:09

Only two of DS's friends applied to the same Uni to do similar courses but one of them didn't get into his 1st choice and ended up at his insurance.

Don't think anyone else from DSs year went to his RG Uni. There is another lad from our small village there but he is a 3rd year and doing a completely different course so their paths will probably never cross.

I agree it rather takes away part of the Uni experience.

Headofthehive55 · 28/10/2015 18:48

I think it would be difficult to avoid! As said lots of young people go these days so the chances of being there with someone you know is actually quite high.

Add that to the fact that if you do the same A levels you spend your time together and tend to make friends with people like yourself...you live in the same place so more likely to go within a radius of home...not to mention going to open days together or at least saying hey are you going to x uni open day...

I wouldn't worry that it would stop the making new friends.

Kez100 · 29/10/2015 12:46

One of DD's best friends at college decided to do the same course as DD but its a great course, I'm not surprised they both wanted to take their offers up. Halls allocation meant they weren't together in year 1 living wise and, now in year 2, they are still really good friends but don't live together as they have made even more like minded mates. So, they certainly haven't stuck together like glue.

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