A --RANT-- plea to all parents of student house-sharers

[Twitterqueen]

Please ensure your sons and daughters pay their flipping bills! My poor DC volunteered to be lead tenant for a house of 8 - and NO-ONE is paying their bills. Which means DC is having to subsidise everyone else. And DC cannot afford it!

It's rude, it's unfair and it's causing a lot of unnecessary stress and hardship. DC has taken on all the utility org - water, electric, gag, ISP, landlord negotiations etc - for no reward. At all. Except abuse and "oh yea, I don't have the money right now." NEITHER DOES DC. PAY WHAT YOU OWE - NOW.

This happened to me when I was sharing a flat in Spain. I left before some of the other tenants (all English students like me) and left money for them to pay bills in my name. They didn't and nearly a year later and during my final exams the new tenants (students again) got in touch to say court papers had been served to recover the debt. I will never take on other people's liabilities ever again.

I agree that the DS was naive and has unecessarily exposed himself to financial risk. as PPs have said he does have options, changing wifi password until they pay up and agree fairer arrangements (including others taking over liability for almost all the bills), contacting the companies to give notice that he will no longer be on the utilities. Even the small claims court to seek to get back the money owed!

Toughasoldboots, mine are all 12 and under but I do think by 18 they should be independent. I will support them to the extent that I am legally obliged to but I do find it absurd that I am expected to be financially responsible for them past 18. At 18 I was working 2 jobs to save to go to university the following year. I was neither financially nor emotionally dependent on my parents. But then I also find threads on here about inheritance bizarre and if my parents were still alive id be advocating spending all their money before dying rather than passing it on. I think we are the first generation to still infantslise our adult children. At 18, my father was down the pit. His 17yr old brother was married with a baby. I never knew my GM but I doubt she would have considered either as still children.

OP, I so feel for your son. A similar thing happened to me at Uni. It is easy to believe that your so called friends wouldn't take the piss like this, but it does happen and it's very hard when they then make you out to be the bad guy.

In my case I owned the house and not only did my housemates mess me around over bills, I had one decide not to pay his rent for 2 months after he walked into my room with his penis out and I told him to get lost. I didn't even feel able to tell my parents as they would have insisted on contacting the other parents and I was scared of the reactions of my housemates if that happened.

I'm now a landlord with 4 student houses and do all inclusive to as that is what most students want so they avoid this sort of situation and also makes it easier for them to budget.

For this year, I would suggest your DS persuades the others to sign up for a bill sharing service such as Glide, which will take the responsibility away from him.

If he wishes to change houses next year, I would look at houses with bills included and if possible individual tenancy agreements for each room in the house. I run my houses this way, precisely so no student is financially accountable for their housemates.

I wish your DC the best of luck sorting this out, he is lucky to have a lovely Mum who he can talk to and support him through this.

But then I also find women who want their mother at the birth of their mother to go wedding dress shopping with them very strange. If dd asked me to go wedding dress shopping Id wonder why she didn't want her female adult friends. Although I went in my own. I believe my job is to prepare them to be as independent as possible both financially or emotionally. To not need me basically. A visit a couple of times s year would be nice but DH and I are looking forward to things like Christmas on our own on a beach and stuff like that.

This happened in my ds house and the lead tenant phoned all the utilitiy co saying he was moving out and giving names of other tenants and his df contacted the other parents, he set up a group email explaining the situation and gave out all the email addresses and said for every one who didn't pay he would calculate an extra charge to be shared between all the others. Everyone paid and the next year ds flatshared with just that one friend. If I was contacted by another parent I would be furious and ensure that Bill was paid in my ds case the landlord also passed on the other parents contact details. Your ds deserves your compassion and help I can't believe some of these posts I would go nuclear if it was my dc.

Oh hey MultiShirking explain to me exactly how the lesson lies with my DC

No need to be so rude! All I meant was that it's not your lesson, so much as your DC's. These are the sorts of things they learn at university, as well their degree coursework.

And shame on his/her housemates (and the way they've been brought up). One way of dealing with it is for your DC to contact their parents maybe? I know that often my students tell me their parents have to go guarantor for the student house.

Given the behaviour of your DC's housemates, I can see a landlord's POV on this.

M4 I sense you resent your DC and for some reason you don't like the fact that others still care and support their young adults as they negotiate life away from home.
Perhaps you were very young when you had them and look forward to reclaiming your lost youth? Christmas on our own on a beach and stuff like that. Did that for 20 years before we had children so it's not a priority for me.

I've never had any problems, just ask for a set amount each month and settle up whether they are in credit/debit at the end of the academic year

This is the way that at least one university student-union based lettings agency I know of works. They guarantee landlords an income over 40 weeks, and then manage the property, take on the utility bills, an estimate of which is included in the students' monthly bills. Then at the end of the tenancy the utility bills are settled up, plus or minus.

Students get to deal with their student-union housing office rather than a landlord, and the landlord gets a guaranteed income & managed property. Win-win.

Going wedding dress shopping with my dd was one of the best days of my life it's absolutely a moment for a mother and daughter!

I'm 45 with 4 kids from 11 down to 1. So 34 isn't too young is it???
I did lots if that before DC thank you very much. That's why we look forward to it again. I don't resent my children at all. I love them to bits but at 18 they are adults. We wouldn't turn them away if they got into financial trouble as adults but then aim is of course for financial an emotion independence ASAP.

And on here there are always lots of people saying they want to go away or just have Christmas with their partner and or baby and are told, of course you don't need to go to your parents, you are your own little family now. I'm not sure why adult children not wanting to go to parents got Christmas is seen as an acceptable norm but parents not wanting their adult children to come to them is seen as resenting your children. The idea of enormous family Christmas where potentially all 4 DCs came with spouse and kids sounds way too much for me.

For now, they are children and they get everything they need and more but adults are different.

Yes it is hard. Dd had a situation where some of her housemates would not help clean the house afterwards to get the deposit back so she ended doing much more than her fair share. One of the students plus dm stayed in house for graduation and still wouldn't help. they lost some of their deposit.

It never occurred to me to ask my mother to come wedding dress shopping. I certainly don't think she expected it. Dd is only 1 so at 45 now, I probably won't be here anyway.

I think it is good for dc to become independent. My dds are independent but my ds at 18 is different. I must admit to looking forward to holidaying with just my dh in the Summer

All student houses that are not run as licensed HMOs need a lead tenant. Someone has to volunteer and it's pretty shitty of his/her friend/housemates to stitch them up by not paying their share of the bills when they all have the same amount of student loan available to them.

It's a tough situation for your DC, OP but this thread is bringing back just the sheer amount of stuff I learnt at university about other people. When I saw this type of uncivilised behaviour - not contributing fairly in either money for bills, or time in housework, - I stepped back from people I would have otherwise called friends. I found meanness in money or time in doing the household tasks to be the least forgivable thing and still do.

5 years of house-sharing (from the age of 17) was a really important part of the learning & growing up I did at university. It teaches you to judge people more carefully and what you will & won't forgive. Those lesson stick with me.

Well, someone had to volunteer to be the lead tenant.....to say the person who agreed to take it on is a mug is silly, unless you are the kind of person who regularly doesn't pay bills, and thinks non paying is normal.

What the lad has learned here, is;

1. don't bother taking on responsibility for others in any way shape or form.
2. Don't trust others to pay money they owe.
3. His housemates are shitty are unable to budget and don't care about how this affects others.

Getting money out of those who don't want to pay isn't easy, even if you are very good at standing up for yourself.

tough, I'm fairly sure there's nothing legal outlining that parents are financially responsible for children at uni (outside of perhaps child maintenance cases). A parent is certainly morally obliged and it's outlined that they are expected to help but I don't think there's anything legal in place to ensure it.

I have 2 ds in college. In both Houses they all took one bill each so it's pretty equal. I would let the services be cut off especially the WiFi. No way can he keep this up. They need a row of jars on the window sill like we did in college 30 years ago. Everyone puts a certain amount in each week signing as they do. Letting it run doesn't work as the more it is the less likely they are to have the money. I warned my guys only to take responsibility for one bill. Can he coast to the landlord? Maybe change names on a few.

I'm sorry to pick up on the wedding dress shopping thing as well M4Blues but, although I wouldn't have minded if my daughter didn't want me to be there, I was really pleased that she did. And so was my mother!
Bride's sister and 3 bridesmaids came too.
Was lovely and we all cried