Homesick at university

[homesickfresher]

Hi all. I've been following the preparing for uni thread quite closely all summer but made an account to post because I've just started university and moved into halls yesterday - the uni is about a 5 hour drive from home and I'm feeling really homesick do you have any advice on how to deal with it? I've rung my mum already and just keep crying. I'm not much of a drinker so I haven't been going to the club nights and am just feeling so lonely.

OP tough love coming up: don't phone home. Or don't hone more than once a week, maybe Sunday evening.

Join some clubs

Make sure you join the university gym - get some proper exercise every day - do some group classes, or learn a new sport.

Don't wish your life away: you'll NEVER ever get this time back - adult, but without adult responsibilities.

And .... Breathe. It's OK, it'll be alright.

OP, my dd felt just like you last year by the sound of it. She didn't enjoy freshers' week at all and wanted to come home at the end of it - things got much better once term properly started. And yes, she did find coming home odd, but we have all got used to it and had a lovely summer. She doesn't like change either.

So, try and find some activities or groups to try out this week. I talked and skyped my dd a lot at first and she said it helped - we discussed little things she could do, going to a society meeting or whatever. But really, what helped most was having some work to do! I am sure it will get better, hang on in there, go to a few things, smile and try not to worry. It is very early days and a lot of people do not enjoy the first week. My dd is now starting her second year, happily settled with friends and loving her course. A hug from me too - and we don't do hugs on MN!

Freshers week is pretty awful, even more so for non-drinkers.When you get a couple of weeks in, and the work starts mounting up, you will have a distraction.
It is very normal

LOL Lancelottie, that reminded me of my son's friend who came home at Christmas to find they had moved his youngest brother into his bedroom, stuck him in the boxroom and replaced his single bed with a pull down sofa bed for guests!!!

Hi all. Thank you so much for your lovely reassuring replies - it really helped. I'm trying my best to get involved (minus club nights) and chat to people, it's helping a bit. I think I've just been very impatient expecting great friends to be made instantly and that's obviously not how things work! I'm going to just try my best and have told myself that if I hate it all term then perhaps maybe uni isn't for me. Thinking about it in terms of a 10 week term rather than a 4 year course is making things a lot less daunting!

Thank you all again for your lovely replies

Chin up - you've barely got started yet. I'd give it longer than Christmas for a proper evaluation - although it may not appear so at times, you are there to learn and you haven't even started lectures yet. You'll get there. Have you joined any clubs or societies yet? How are you getting on with the girls in your flat?

Don't wish your life away: you'll NEVER ever get this time back - adult, but without adult responsibilities

Oh god . Yes.

I REALLY struggled for my first term. Probably really the whole first year. I got really bad culture shock and it almost paralysed me. I just couldn't face going out. I had nothing in common with my fellow residents in the halls. It was tough and I nearly quit.

But every week it got a bit easier

That was 20(cough) years ago. I went for a reunion last year and got a huge blast of nostalgic 'homesickness ' for my old uni life.

I made friends on my course and in various societies. Lifelong friends. But I most definitely didn't meet them in the first week.

My top crap tip is have a distinctive item of clothing to wear in the first couple of weeks. A hat or something. My second year housemate was 'purple jeans man' he wore a pair of very bright purple jeans all freshers week, everyone noticed and chatted to him as he was someone who stood out in the sea of strange faces. He made LOADS of mates, and a few of those turned out to be good friends.

Also the tip about baking is a good one. As well as having a BIG kettle and loads of tea and coffee. Brill way to make friends.

Good luck and I hope things start to get better.

Hang in there it will get better! Honestly!

I dont remember being homesick as it was a LOOONG time ago that I went to Uni, but both of my girls were horribly homesick (they have both just graduated after 5 years (medicine ) and 3 years (nursing)

DD1 I had to skype every evening for the first two terms. She nearly gave up ...and really struggled as she didn't expect to be so homesick. BUT by the end of the year she was making friends, in her 2nd year she found her soul mates and after that, had a great time. This was the girl who had never been ancious in her life, before!

DD2 was also very very homesick..and missed her sister terribly. At one point when she was really low I said 'come home.. forget Uni..we can figure it out' and it sparked the stubborn streak that got her through. she has now just taken up her first nursing post, in a new town, in a flat by herself (didn't want to share after 3 years of student living!) and she is coping :)

Freshers week is shit.. it really is. Full of scared young adults who are supposed to be having a great time, but a huge number wish they were at home with mum and dad, and familiar life. Once Uni starts properly, things start to slot into place. Gradually you will find people you 'gel'with and it will get easier...

Oh I hated hated hated freshers' week! You'll be surprised how many people will admit that later... I was so much happier when lectures started and I was seeing the same people every day.

I actually settled better once I'd been home once and seen that everything was still the same there (I was also about five hours away, and was terrified everything would have changed).

Definitely go to organised things - societies often run taster sessions which can be great fun and you can find completely new things to do.

Is anybody else from your school there doing a degree or PhD? That can be helpful - it gives you an easy base to start chatting from.

I also sobbed at my director of studies once or twice in my first term - not that I'd recommend it (!) but it did mean they kept a bit more of an eye on me and checked up on me, which did help.

And despite crying every day until at least mid-November, I've come back for a masters and am just applying for a PhD here, so did get over it in the end

homesickfresher - some very good advice on here. My dd is now in her third year and did not find the first few weeks easy when she first went to uni. Things that worked for us.

Don't spend too much time on Facebook where people will say they are having a fantastic time from the word go. No-one is going to admit they are finding things tough, so don't believe all you read!
Be friendly as you are being.
Don't feel a failure if you don't meet all your friends in the first few days. Some people are just lucky if they do, the rest have to wait a bit longer.
Remember how hard you've worked to get there and don't throw in the towel - you have to hang on and wait for things to improve.
I used texted my dd and gave her as much encouragement as I could. She knew then that she had my support and I would always be there for her.
Don't keep going home, tempting though it might be. We visited our dd in the middle of the first term. Not always possible, I know, but if you keep going away, especially at the weekends, it will be harder to get to know people.
You aren't a failure. It is tough to leave home for the first time and cope with a totally new place, new study and new people. It is rubbish when people give the impression that students should be totally happy and cope from the word go. I think some older people forget that if they go somewhere new they have a partner with them. Going alone is hard.
My dd has settled down well and has good friends now, but it took time. So will you! All the best.

whitecloud, OP is five hours from home so I don't think is planning to pop back every other weekend. I lived with someone at uni who was driven home every other weekend by her dad so - among other things - her mum could do her washing for her. My parents would definitely have told me to sod off if I'd suggested that to them!

LauraAshley I do like the happy ending to your story of crying every day :)

op, you sound really lovely!

please dont worry that home wont feel like home at Christmas, of course it'll feel different as you havent lived there for the past few months but home will always feel like home, believe me! And your family sound lovely too!

I hope you meet some good friends soon, everyone will be feeling homesick right now, only the brave and caring ones like you will discuss it xx

I have just read your thread. Many good advice and tips, please post back in the future to tell us how you are getting on. you sound like my DD she loved her homelife also. You will get use to life away from home its only normal. Try and enjoy it, open yourself to new opportunities and self discovery and it will probably be the best years of your life!