DS just left for University

[laliponio]

I am aware there may be many parents out there who will consider me over anxious , over protective and molly-coddling. But I just want to know how others feel. We took my son to Unversity and left him on Sunday. The other side of the UK. I texted him when we got back ...and I have heard nothing from him...zip...nada. Which is very unusual as he always replies straight away to texts. Now I know the fact that my heart is breaking and I feel sick having left him is irrelevant and I just need to suck it up cos it is all about him spreading his wings ..... but I just miss him. I suppose what I am trying to gauge is ..is it normal that he hasn't texted back? ...should i let him just get on with it and hope to see him at Christmas? Or should I play to my innermost fears ...of him slumped in an alcohol induced coma somewhere. Obv I realise I am being completely irrational ... just want to see if there are others out there who are finding the cold turkey style lack of contact painful?

He has just phoned ..... hooray ......hooray ...hooray...so great to hear his voice. I can switch off now :)

Very happy for you OP .

My ds has been gone a week and when I first dropped him off it felt like I had left my baby on the side of a road. He has had a few wobbles but it's amazing how much better you feel about things once they start to settle and you know that they are not desperately unhappy. My ds struggled with freshers week but seems happier now and I am no longer climbing the walls. I do track whether he is online though, through his viber app, so I know he is safe.

There is nothing wrong with calling him - I know all this is new for them but they can't be allowed to disregard their mum's feelings totally and a text to say they are alive and well is not a big ask.

Pop over here laliponio

It's a thread that's been going for years the original DC probably have children of their own by now. Some old and some new posters and lots of experience and support.

I never felt bereft. Mine had boarded and were totally used to making their own way and bot contacting me all the time. We prefer it that way and we are pretty robust about separation. We see it as a normal part of life. Never used Skype! Just a text here and there with the odd phone call.

Both mine went to school in South Africa for a term on a school exchange - without me. At age 13! I did not go and see them or fly out with them. A child is right to demand independence and no longer be a "bear cub". I never saw my parenting role as being needy. I see it as bringing up young people who can make decisions, stand or fall by them, and essentially be well rounded adults. They should not continually have to check in with me!

So pleased you have heard from him OP -must be a massive weight off your mind!

Mine have never boarded but I am always surprised at the level of angst on these threads. Before I get flamed, I'm not criticising.! I'm just not hugely maternal I suppose. Dd went to au pair in Spain when she was just turned 18 and it didn't really occur to me to keep checking on her. She came back at Christmas for a week and then went back again. Same with uni. No news is good news and to be honest, it would be a good few weeks days before it occurred to me I hadn't heard from them. They are OK. You will head if they aren't.

Glad you heard from him, but don't any of you remember the excitement of being on your own in halls for the first time? Everything else goes out of the window! Dd2 goes on Sat and I'll really miss her but it's time to move on - she's grown up. Mind you, she'd better return my messages or else

Or try this thread, especially the later pages. I know it's called preparing for uni but loads of people have left DCs
Lots of people fretting from not enough or too much info!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/higher_education/2466997-Preparing-for-Uni-in-2015-continues

dementedma I understand where your coming from when you say you don't understand the level of angst on these types of thread. As I think you adhere to the tough love kind of upbringing the outcome being that DC are more robust, kid being more independent and resilient to what life throws at them, too much mothering would do them more harm then good. Nothing wrong with that camp of thought, its what you think is best for your kids.
However, I had parents that were quite hard showed little emotion, and pretty strict, crying and breaking down was some kind of weakness, we were brought up not to show too much emotion, it was suppose to make us tougher and less wet behind the ears, in doing so they showed us little love, care and empathy this really had a profound effect on me and my sister as we grew up. Even now, I don't have that motherly bond with my mum it's just not there. I have no warmth towards my own mother as she never showed me any. It's a shame we all growing older and yet the bond between me and mum is oceans apart. So when I had dd I went pretty much overboard on the love and caring role, eveything my mum did I went the opposite way because I would hate dd to have the same resentment I have with my mum.

Goingmad That was exactly what kept me from getting overly upset in the first place. My heart felt like it was literally breaking but DS was SO happy and SO confident and I could feel nothing but pride and happiness for him at drop off. He was exactly where he was supposed to be.

That said, he's been gone 5 weeks and he's just texted me and asked if we could pay the flight for him to come home next weekend as they have 5 days off. I'm BEYOND excited! And now canceling every plan we ever had next weekend! I'm so sad......

well may I go against the grain and say how pleasant the house is without my daughter dropping in for a quick scream and then disappearing again.
She is only 16 so maybe a bit different but she has gone away on a residential training course, miles and miles away.

The saddest thing is that she took the dog with her. I really really miss him.
(disclaimer I do miss her really. A bit. Busy sending care packages)

Thanks again for all the messages they have helped a lot. I think in the end your level of mothering needs to reflect the child you have. Some children are more robust than others. I am thrilled and delighted for my son. I know it is what he wants/needs. He spent all summer literally counting the days. I do see my job as preparing my children for independence. I would certainly try super hard not to allow my son to feel any of my feelings of panic/anxiety or loss. I guess I was just not prepared for my feelings at leaving him. Now I have heard from him I am fine. But I do feel as though I have left one of my limbs behind.

laliponio Do come and join everyone on the empty nest thread. I like Lilymaid was one of those on the original thread. DD1 was just about to start her 2nd year and go into a house share. Now my third and youngest has just started her 3rd year. I did find it hard when she went as she has some learning difficulties so I had put a lot of input in her life before uni.
I still find it hard when she.first goes back after even a short time at home.
But DH and I are proud of her. She has made a life for herself in her uni town and we have made an effort to spend more time with each other. I also do stuff with friends.

Mine is just now in his third year and this year, for the first time, he has been really bad at replying. I now take it as a good sign - he is ok and doesn't feel the need to stay in touch as much. I suspect we will hear if his maintenance grant doesn't turn up though!