The Day After They've Started University - Plans?

[SeekEveryEveryKnownHidingPlace]

Hope it's Ok to start a new thread on this - strikes me as overlapping with anxieties over meningitis jabs, sadness over empty nests, but also distinct.

So: we'll get back late on Saturday night. And then Sunday looms - me, dp and dd2. I feel we absolutely shouldn't be mooching around the house doing Sunday things, but also that a day out anywhere we normally go as a family would be a bit too poignant!

What did anyone do, or what are you planning?

This time last year I was devastated. This year brings home the revelation that this is definitely it, no more family life. I say this because she says she won't be returning home next year for the summer, either an internship or getting a house on 52 week contract. So it's just the odd visit here and there, makes me so sad, feeling sorry for myself as she went back yesterday.
I'm happy for her but mad with myself for not having a 'life' really, what's left is a strained marriage....and a crappy job I hate.
The house is quiet and I miss the joy of having her around, it's like a bereavement and my life has a huge hole in it..
I would give anything to turn the clock back, we planned a family holiday next year together but now that won't happen. I am resentful of my DH as he has driven her away with their constant arguments, she is an only child.
I feel bereft and tearful today and like an idiot I'm sat here crying..

We dropped DD1 off on Friday.

She has AS so the planning and preparation required were of epic proportions but it is all in now in place.

Her boyfriend spent the day with her yesterday and so I was required to pick up pieces over the phone for a couple of hours after he left last night.

Today she's been and enrolled and is meant to be out buying food now for the meal plans we made on the phone last night.

Now I just have to hope that the people who are meant to be supporting her step up tomorrow and do their jobs.

Yesterday I couldn't stay in the house so I made DH and DD1 come shopping much to their disgust.

Today we've been clearing up the garden for winter.

Later on I might find the courage to go and clear the coat hangers off her bedroom floor and put clean bedding on the bed.

I've already written a little card and packed some Maltesers, painkillers she forgot, tiny tubes of superglue and some page markers in jiffy bag to post to her tomorrow.

I started to clear / clean ds's room on the first day he was gone, too.
He's managed to return it to the hovel it was over this Summer (is going into 2nd year).
Think that's a pretty normal thing to do, tbh.

I hate all these threads, they make me feel such a poor parent becuase I didn't see any reason to cry at all. I just dropped her off, took a breath, came home and life went on. It's a great time on their lives and gives you a bit of yours back.
Mind you DD had already spent a year abroad at 18 as an au pair so maybe it wasn't such a big deal. - although I didn't cry when she went there either! I must be a hard hearted cow, or just have very loose apron strings lol.

Oops,crossed with sayerville sorry

I'm with you demented - well, not feeling a poor parent, but feeling chuffed that they'd got to university and, like you said, pleased to get a bit of time for me into the odd week. I saw no reason for sadness.

This sounds bad but I'm quite looking forward to a rest when she finally starts. This week we have an exchange student staying for my youngest dc so I am split between being chief entertainment officer, chauffeur and university shopping.

dd doesn't leave until 26th September and there is stuff piling up everywhere. I will still have two younger dc's at home so it will be nice to give them a bit of much needed attention.

dd's university has the most amazing programme of events (two each evening, one for the drinkers and one for the non drinkers). Am very impressed & she won't have time to miss home.

sayerville I want to give you a big hug. I kind of know how you feel in a way. I too feel no more family life as we know it and it's sad empty feeling knowing thats it, it's just me and DH. Not that theres anything wrong with DH but it will be strange just the two of us.
DD is also only child. I know we can always go and visit dd, but the drive is too long. Family life isnt going to be the same like our Sunday dinner get to together having laugh and joke. I loved having dd around her energy and spirit really lifted our house. We worked well the 3 of us. I've been mentally finding ways to which i can fill the gap once shes gone. Taking up baking as I'm pretty crap, redecorate the house, revamp the garden. It's a new chapter so why not start afresh. You've done the job of raising your dd you sound like you are a fab and loving mum. Please don't think too much of regretting and wishing you did more or could have done things better. You will only make yourself ill. Sending you hugs and kisses

Well...... am home now, got her unpacked and made her room look as nice asyou can make a uni room look nice, tried my best to not to cry but the lump in my throat was just too big, dd is my only child too, she's my world really, sad as that may sound, im so incredibly proud of her and want her to be happy and to have a better life good luck to all the other parents over tbe next few days and weeks,..... will be lurking on these boards for a while I think

bagpuss thank you, though your kinds words had me blubbing again. I am so proud of her but my life is empty, I think it's because you give your all as a parent and having her around the last weeks have reminded me of how it was and now the void seems bigger.
What's made it worse it I also lost my Mum on Valentines day so I have lost the two most important people in my life (well not lost DD but you know...) I took up a hobby last year so I am trying to focus on that but I feel sad and lonely today.

Try to think of ways to treat yourself. Maybe a great dvd with a glass of . Plan a couple of nice things with friends.

Another way to think about things is that this is a stage towards independence which will bring lovely things. Like them taking you out and one day grandchildren.

sayerville and millipede. Congrats on raising happy, confident kids. XX

Thank you horsemad no one has ever said that to me! I know I must look at it that way, I'm just being selfish wallowing in my own self pity when she is having a ball, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Sometimes though these milestones make you look at yourself and situation and I don't like what I see, but only I can do something about it.
I worry about her constantly though, for example she has come back from holiday and a tummy virus hasn't cleared up after a week so...I know she's 19 and can look after herself but I worry all the time, I don't suppose that will ever go away.

I am just so proud that DS1 has got there. I am emotional but through 'Mummy proud moment'. I am so happy that DS was really excited about it all. He turned back into a charming young man, full of hope.

Horesmad thankyou ! And sayerville have you got skype? Its nice to be able to see them rather than a text or a phone call, we are planning to do this.