PhD as a single parent? madness? is it possible?

[MiniTheMinx]

Hi,

I am thinking ahead, in two respects but both linked. I plan to do my PhD and have no reason to think that it won't happen however I am worried about how I will cope financially.

At the moment DP and I live together and we have two dc, aged 10 and 14. I am studying full time and DP works. However we have drifted along now for 9 years, with me unhappy and knowing that ultimately I would like out of the relationship. I have tried to talk to him but he refuses to leave, he thinks saying that he "will support me to continue studying" is the carrot. And up until this point it has worked, I am committed to my dream to the extent that it seems easier to tolerate the relationship, than lose security and the chance to study.

So, I guess my question is this, is it possible to do the PhD as a single parent, not so much in terms of time, but will I cope financially? I have never claimed benefits and have no idea how any of it works. I am 42, so I don't think I want to work for a few years, I need to get on with it now. I know that it's possible to claim benefits as a lone parent student at undergrad, but what happens with MA and PhD?

Thank you in advance

The MA loans (which were proposed earlier) were going to be limited to people under 30 - I don't know if the PhD ones would be too?

titchy yes and no...because you don't know what I know or what he has said, so please don't assume anything. He is more than happy to use carrots and sticks, he just wants to be with me. He knows how I feel because I am honest.

Jeanne Europe? really? What's your area if it's ok to ask? I am happy to live on little money but I do worry about having to cope with claiming benefits or being thrown into a situation like you describe where I wouldn't know from one year to next if I have a post. Yes that sort of uncertainty would be horrendous, especially if you don't then have someone to depend on. I appreciate people telling me the pitfalls, I need to know because I might then have some chance of avoiding some of them, or not.

I guess everyone thinks they are good at what they do or have something new and unique to say, some new perspective to bring to their area of interest. I know I shall make use of all this even if I don't continue, but I would be very unhappy. Its like letting a genie out.

Thank you cauchy more to consider ...I am going to look into the situation with MA first, I am also going to make an appointment to see the head bod (who is very helpful) and ask some questions.

PhD life can be great - intellectually, socially etc - but post-PhD life hits you like a ton of bricks.

It's really worth being prepared mentally for the possibility of not having work, or the demoralising knock backs from constant rejections. In the social sciences, it takes about two years to get a job and it would usually be some kind of a part time teaching fellowship. I don't know of anyone who has been employed by the institution in which they did a PhD, and some universities have unspoken rules about not hiring their own recent PhD graduates.

Moreover, I don't think many departments in social sciences recruit staff because they need an expert in one field or another. In my department we have a dire need for an expert in one field, to cover teaching and student dissertation interests, but we hired three new lecturers that duplicate expertise we already have because they would do better in the REF, had more publications etc.

British academia also has a huge number of applications from the USA, Europe, Australia, New Zealand etc. This is great for us of course, because we get the best global talent but it makes it the most saturated job market globally. So many people are dying to get out of American universities, and jobs are rare in European ones.

It's just worth bearing this in mind and being prepared for the reality of what awaits.

Lastly, I don't think you can claim benefits whilst studying for a PhD as you are classed as a full time student. You do get a council tax exemption though.

Jeanne yes I am just reading that, although it seems there are other funds available to people from qualifying backgrounds over the age of 30, such as no other family having done further education and where you reside.

English Lit, mini.

The uncertainty is the really scary bit, I think. I finished my PhD in 2013 and don't know anyone in my year group who has a permanent job in academia yet - that's normal. The people who are starting to get permanent jobs now, finished in about 2009/10. So you do have quite a long period of thinking 'argh, what next'.

Uncertainty is a fact of life post-PhD. Never mind Europe, some of my PhD peers who eventually got jobs ended up having to move to the US, Australia, Singapore, Japan and even Iran. The worst situation is if you are an academic couple - I know three couples where one half of the couple is in North America, and the other in the UK, with virtually no chance of them finding jobs in each other's country. There are also people in my department who have been doing hourly-paid teaching for over ten years, living on approx. £4000 a year for virtually full-time work. They are excellent teachers and researchers but have never even been shortlisted for a job they've applied for. As stated above, the job market is global now and it is quite common for every person on the shortlist to be an overseas applicant. The uncertainty is brutal, and I have seen many, many cases of mental health issues arising as a direct result.

I think it must be even harder than it was 15 years ago when I did it.

One thing I will say is that you can't depend on a department to look after you, even if they've indicated they had scholarships/jobs that you would be a good fit for. I've known of plenty of occasions where everyone assumes the internal candidate will get a job/studentship, they're enthusiastically encouraged to apply, and an external candidate appears and pips them to the post.

The 'I really want this and I won't let go until I get it' attitude is good but it's not enough. There are plenty of people who stick around in academia for 5 or 10 years with no permanent post and sometimes they finally get something, sometimes they don't. It only works if you really don't need the money.

DP would pay everything he could in maintenance, I know he would he is a good man

I think this is a bit unrealistic. My exH was and is a good man who said he would "pay everything", but with the demands of a new partner, a new mortgage, the lifestyle he aspired to, it wasn't reasonable to expect him to finance me as well. Nor would I want him to.

I think you just have to look at all the new partner/exwife threads on here to see how tough it really is post-separation. It's very rare that someone comes out well. And very rare that such promises are kept.

There really are no guarantees in academia but the best way to get on is to publish, publish, publish, right from the beginning. Try and get 2 publications from your MA thesis and organise your PhD thesis so that each chapter can be converted into a a publishable paper eg methodalogical paper, a literature review and several results papers (works for hunmanities and social sciences).

OP, can't you separate, wait till you're financially stable and know where you are, and then do it part time once you can afford it? You're clearly totally committed to doing it but it just seems like an awful lot of issues are getting mixed up here.

Yes, what Albrech said about jobs aboard. One of my friends got a job in Kazakhstan, one in Dubai and one in Turkey (they are all British). My friend in Kazakhstan said they are inundated with applications from unemployed Harvard and Yale graduates as the private Uni he works at pays extremely well and people are crippled with debt after finishing PhDs.

Basically, academia is full of scare stories about the job market. You have to know what's ahead as a PhD is over very quickly.

Kazakhstan nooooo way, I'm not that desperate! wow. I am very grateful for all the advice and you have all given my a lot to think about.

niceandwarm yes, keep getting published, and research something current or get into a critical dialogue with a leading expert in the field. So I plan to give a third reading of something, which is current in my field, and I will be picking a fight (not literally) with theorists that are not dead and buried... A plan? maybe.

Thanks all x

I am going to shut up soon, I promise.

But - you do want to get published, and you do want to make sure it happens as soon as is sensibly possible. But do think about whether you're actually ready to do it. You're not ready at the moment and IME, people who published work from their MA years didn't do it because they set out to write something publishable or controversial, but because they were incredibly painstaking. I know it could be different for different disciplines, but generally, setting out to be controversial is much harder to pull off that setting out to add nuance to something that needs fleshing out.

I'm partly saying this because, though it's unfashionable advice, my supervisor told me that having bad publications - ones you're really ashamed of later on - is worse than having nothing. And I think she is right.

Jeanne I agree, and no I am not setting out to be controversial for its own sake. I am keen to give a third reading to something, which at the moment the interpretations of these texts fall into two camps. Because of the nature of it, neither camp could be said to have a misreading, but I believe there is a third reading that bridges the theoretical gap. I am starting on this now, have a fairly narrow remit in that I an focusing on one point of theory, but hope to develop this line of thought to include other aspects. I won't bore you with the detail...it is probably quite boring!

I have been working on this for a long time, even before I started this degree, so the degree is really only giving me the opportunity for this to be recognized in some way. I will continue with it even if I never do the PhD, but of course I need to jump through the hoops to be taken seriously. Which is the whole reason for pushing towards PhD. If I never get a job in academia it won't have been wasted, it would though be brilliant, but maybe I need to just focus on what I want to achieve. If others are similarly interested in this area of research, I shall be fine. If not, well...I shall just have to eat soup ;)

I agree with PPs about you being naive. I would love to have the luxury of doing an MSc, I already have an MA. I would do it in Health Psychology, but can't afford £9k in fees and my NHS employer wouldn't fund me. I'll most likely end up doing an MSc in Public Health. At least that way I can increase my employability and there's a realistic career path. I'm a 45 year old single parent with a daughter.

However I would never begin to think I could get funding and live off benefits. And why should I get benefits? I find your assertion that you're not willing to work, but are willing to leave your relationship and get benefits pretty galling. I work and would continue to work if I can find a way to get back into studying.

It also saddens me that you are willing to stay with this man and raise your children this way just so you can keep studying. The fact that you're quite blasé about this means there's no point in me trying to explain why.

I'm afraid you come across as quite self-absorbed and unrealistic.

Well it won't have been the first time I have been called a spoiled brat.I hope you find a way to do your MSc. If I were younger, if I were more hot headed, if he had thrown some furniture, if we had gone our separate ways, if I had returned to residential social work, if I was a single working parent...but I am here and I am weighing up my options. I may have to work in order to facilitate our separating, I may have to consider what is more important and conclude that studying is. I think it will be the latter. Sorry if that offends.

I'd be wary of taking a career development loan for an MA and then going on to PhD. These loans cover living expenses etc, but are commercial and repayment terms normally start immediately after the masters year. Fine if you are doing an employment related masters and immediately go into paying (reasonably well paying) work, but can be an absolute millstone if you are trying to keep up with the repayments on a PhD stipend (or low paying work). If you get PhD funding, then the stipend is fine to live on (if you are reasonably frugal) but if you need to factor in loan repayments the balance may well be tipped to unlivable or utterly miserable.

If funding for PhD is looking likely, why not maintain the status quo through the masters? Unless you/partner are completely miserable of course.