Daughter unhappy as everybody already choosing 2nd year accommodation after 8 weeks Bristol

[Mindy65]

My dd started at Bristol this term and has loved it all so far. She has been highly sociable and thrown herself in to everything. However, in the past week, she has had her confidence thrown as everybody is suddenly choosing whom they want to share with in student houses in their 2nd year. She thought she would share with people in her block in her student halls but they have made plans which don't include her - mostly because they are studying the same subject which she isn't. She has so many different friends but they don't all know each other and somehow she has fallen between stools and doesn't have anybody who has asked to share with her. We feel she shouldn't panic yet as lots of people who choose to share now (after only 8 weeks) tend to sign their contracts and then realise by the end of next term that they don't know their prospective flat mates that well and might not even like them so much. Still, it's hard for her to see and hear her peers discussing houses they have seen.

Any advice from experience of this time of year when students rush to get housing for their second year? She is now saying she isn't enjoying Bristol.

It is on my 'to do list' - make sandwich board for dd1 for accommodation fair....

clean living solvent student available to good home

My DD did not know a single student who went to live in a flat owned by a parent! Lots of parents don't buy and cannot afford to buy. We decided it was too much effort!

You are right that the for sale houses are nicer and there are often no internal pictures for the student flats. You know why that is, of course! There is a block of houses divided into flats on Eaton Crescent and the landlord is very organised with an on site maintenance guy. They get let very quickly! It is often the absentee landlords who are the biggest problem because the agents just don't get repairs done quickly enough. This all explains why there is a rush to get somewhere decent to live!

My dd is in her second year and was worried last January when she hadn't got a flat sorted. She went in with some people she did not know too well, but it has worked out OK. Their friendships do tend to shift around. There are two ways of looking at it IMO. If you go in with friends in a hurry and then find you don't get on you could lose several friends. If you go in with reasonable people who aren't close friends there is less pressure in a way, because you just try and get along without too much involvement. My dd is going to live with closer friends in the third year.

Mindy65, it sounds as if your dd is doing well. I think they have so much to cope with in the first term, something like this can knock the confidence. My dd has grown up so much in the first year and is now settled down well at uni and much more confident. I worried far more about her last year, but as she is happy, I am much happier and less anxious this year. If that is any help. I'm sure your dd will be able to sort things if she has made friends already.

Thank you for your recent messages and whitecloud too for your reassuring words. Well, after a huge tearful meltdown earlier on in the week over all of this, my dd is looking at it more rationally now even if of course she (like any teenager) would love to be in demand on the houseshare front. An interesting development is that the girl who initially set up the idea of a house of 6 which didn't include my dd has confided in my dd that she is now not 100% sure she wants to be in an all girls' house and that she doesn't know the other girls that well as she - the friend - has had a stressful week and felt that she could confide more in my dd than the others. I think that made my dd more aware that in some cases people can rush in too soon. So, in some way, there is an advantage to not being asked straight away even if it is a bit stressful.

My dd was in just this position at another Uni last year . She took the initiative to find a really great house, pounded the pavements , spoke to all she knew in higher years etc and one house came up : she then simply asked 5 other girls she had got to know and thought she would like to share with if they were interested in sharing and they all jumped in ! Seems that you just have to be active and take the lead sometimes ....

I would disagree with the advice to befriend someone who owns a house. I did that at university and boy oh boy was it a disaster. The "landlord" (aged 19!) was a complete pain and it was "my house, my rules" which involved him setting the heating controls, deciding when the water was turned on and off and cooking rotas and and and...

I went cap in hand to my old hall and begged to be allowed back in...

It's much more fun - and equal - if you are all in it together even if you are sharing a Young Ones type house instead of a naice place bought by someone's loaded parents.

Also, isn't there a bit in Brideshead Revisited when it is observed that one spends one's entire second year trying to shake off the "friends" one made in the first year? Eight weeks seems terribly early to be deciding who are to be one's bosom friends.

Mindy 65 I thought I had wrote this tread and forgotten I had done it, as my dd is also first yr at Bristol and for the first time since being away she has been upset this last couple of weeks because of this situation it seems a big amount of pressure so soon. her flatmates keep changing there minds and she feels a bit excluded although has had no problems with them previously. She thinks she is the only one worrying.
I have taken the day off on Friday to go and spend some time with her because she has been so upset.

My niece was in a flatshare, then someone dropped out of it, then someone else dropped out of it.

My DD started looking for a flat in the middle of her first term. Within two weeks she had sold the contract on her student flat and moved into a private rent with a friend. They got ten replies to their advert for a flatmate and had someone sharing within a week. Her friend is at a different uni and their flat is much handier for it than for DD's uni, but their flatmate goes to the same uni as DD as does his GF. So it seems to have worked out.

I'm sure it will work out for your DD too. There's no need to have somewhere sorted out for a while yet. (and friends don't always make the best flatmates - you don't really know someone till you've either known them for several years and shared many experiences with them or lived with them .

Apparently at Durham University they have events about now for those who are looking for others to join with for flats/houses next year. They have events in college and then other events in the student union for people who would like to mix with people from other colleges. The organisers try to match people with similar interests/outlooks. I think it sounds like a great idea- perhaps Bristol could do something similar?

Thank you all for recent comments. Yes, Cerisier, they will have something like that at Bristol next week - an Accommodation Fair. My daughter still not sorted and houses are going quickly but she has made it clear to some people that she would like to share with them. I am told that often when it comes to paying deposits and signing contracts, that's when spaces come up as people drop out and spaces need to be filled. She has been proactive about asking people which is good but she doesn't want to overdo it on the asking people front or appear needy. Hopefully, something will pan out soon as then she can focus more on everything else again.
I have had a handful of PMs from people saying that their sons and daughters are in the exact same position - miserable about the accommodation business having also been very happy until then. Hope accommodation works out for everybody.

It seems a bit early to me.

My daughter was at Bristol (Wills Hall). She was very lucky. A friend there had a parent who bought a whole house in Clifton for the boy (!!!!. The boy spent the summer doing it up and she and other friends shared that. It was really lovely but I doubt it was typical. They all got on really well and are friends for life. They have been at each other's weddings recently.

Spoke to my dd and it seems there are quite a few groups looking for an extra person. The group forms and they find an ideal house, but don't have enough people so put out a request via facebook. It will be an advantage if your dd is in lots of societies, as long as she lets people know.

Thank you Littleham for your update. Is your dd sorted now? Mine is holding out that something will come up in her extended group of friends as well as societies etc. She said she is trying to be relaxed about it and has put it out there that she is still looking. I spoke to an estate agent yesterday who said that only 10% of the housing stock has gone so far so many more houses will come on to the rental market in January. He seemed to think it's a bit of a myth that they need to be signed up before Christmas.

Greengrow, having seen the standard of the housing available I so wish I could buy a house in Clifton! It seems that some students are lucky enough to be able to do that. I am sure everybody jumps at the opportunity to share with them!

Hi Tilly. She found quite a low key way of letting people know she needed a group. She had no choice as this year she was put with lovely 2nd and 4th years, who won't be around next year.

Instead of saying 'Can I share with you?' (which she felt put people on the spot) she asked the various people she has made friends with 'let me know if you hear of anyone who needs an extra person'. She got a couple of offers and has a group to go with to the accommodation fair.

Few people go out looking for houses right now. Most do it immediately they get back in January. Loads come on the market then and, if you want Clifton/Clifton Village it is best to look then. The best ones go quickly so students have to make snappy decisions which is why you need to know your group. Everyone has to sign up and pay a deposit.