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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Supporting them through homesickness?

20 replies

KatyMac · 14/10/2014 21:28

How do I?

I acknowledge it, we talk about it

Her biggest problem is not enough time to get shopping & do washing & do homework & everything

OP posts:
morethanpotatoprints · 14/10/2014 21:32

Hi Katy.

I'm not sure I have the answers my love apart from the obvious regular contact. Do you Skype each other most nights?

Original poster
KatyMac · 14/10/2014 21:33

No we text & facebook & call

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Kez100 · 14/10/2014 21:38

It must be hard and your daughter is younger than most of ours, isn't she? (By ours I mean 18+).

Does she have any welfare departments she can talk too?

When is her next planned home visit? Or you visiting her? (We went this weekend and although leaving was hard again for my daughter, she really enjoyed the break.)

Kez100 · 14/10/2014 21:39

FaceTime is great, too

Original poster
KatyMac · 14/10/2014 21:40

She is coming home this weekend - I think she probably comes home too much (only stayed one weekend, this last weekend - which might be the problem tonight)

She is young & I want to say 'come home' but it wouldn't help

OP posts:
Original poster
KatyMac · 14/10/2014 22:29

I think I feel I am letting her down (somehow - no idea how)

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Original poster
KatyMac · 15/10/2014 19:52

& today she is fine, ?i'm not sure I can keep up with this rollercoaster

Today it is the best thing ever!

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mumeeee · 15/10/2014 20:13

DD3 did get homesick a couple of weeks after she went to uni. We told her she could phone any time and we ( that is DH and I) arranged a weekend to go and visit her that was about a month after she started which really helped her.

Original poster
KatyMac · 15/10/2014 21:16

She back again this weekend

Visiting her best friend for her (bf) birthday

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Decorhate · 15/10/2014 21:53

Friend whose d is now in 2nd year said she wished she had visited her more/encouraged her to come home at weekends. She thought her d would settle better by staying away but I think unis can be lonely places at weekends. I went home most weekends when I was at uni (was only 20 miles away & had weekend job in hometown). It didn't stop me making friends.

Original poster
KatyMac · 17/10/2014 19:48

She is home tonight & it's been a hellish journey!

& she started it off with 8 hours at college then her flu jab

OP posts:
Decorhate · 17/10/2014 19:59

Just realised your dd is too young to be a uni student yet! So must be even harder for her to be away.

Original poster
KatyMac · 17/10/2014 20:06

I know - it's so hard, she's only a baby Hmm

'Going out' is being discussed - I know hope she won't drink but I'm worried about it being a culture shock

I did wonder about taking her to a local Salsa club with DH & I - but also winder if I'm past it (DH will be fine)

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Kez100 · 17/10/2014 22:45

I think weekends are a strange one. I go away for my work and sometimes we finish early and everyone but me goes home ( I can't as I have such a long journey). That night I feel quite lonely! And I'm the site that loves my own company usually. So, I can really sympathise with our youngsters who have busy weeks then feel lost at weekends.

My daughter is studying a lot at weekends and going out with flatmates when they are around. If she didn't have that and started to feel homesick, I would encourage her to come home too. You don't want a sad 16 year old on your mind. She has done so well - don't want her getting down .

thereturnofshoesy · 17/10/2014 22:53

I have been wanting to join this thread for a while, my dd is 19 and in september she went to to residential college(she has severe sn) can I join in?

thereturnofshoesy · 17/10/2014 22:54

(sorry meant topic)

Original poster
KatyMac · 18/10/2014 20:32

Hi Shoesy, how is she coping?

How are you coping?

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Original poster
KatyMac · 19/10/2014 12:43

She's been home again this weekend - we saw her for about 4 hours!!
Her friend had a birthday sleepover!

Off to get the train again in a few minutes Sad

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DizzyDalmation · 19/10/2014 20:21

DD has now graduated but suffered terrible homesickness when she first went off to uni. I can't imagine how tough it must be if your DD is younger. DD was only just emotionally mature enough at 18 to cope with it. I hope she has pastoral staff to support her. I think my DD struggled a lot with no longer being cared for and having someone that she could always rely on nearby.

There is no magic cure other than time.
My DD did find keeping as busy as possible when she was feeling homesick helped. She would schedule in things for her whole day so that she was never just sitting in her room. Even if it was a trip into town, library study sessions or going to explore a part of the city (alone or with friends it didn't matter as long as she wasn't sitting around thinking of home).
DD used to miss home as well when she had to do the jobs like cooking, washing and cleaning on top of everything else. She found trying to do it as she went along and having a certain time for laundry each week helped.

A big thing about uni is not having much routine with a lot of courses. She needs to create her own routine to help time pass.

DD also scheduled in when she would come home or I would visit so that it was at most a few weeks before she saw me. Yes she would hate leaving me but she got used to it and learnt little coping strategies.

It is hard, but they get there. The best thing you can do it let them go and be a supporter from afar. A friend visits her DD every other weekend and it has made everything a lot worse.

Original poster
KatyMac · 19/10/2014 20:32

Fortunately college is 8-4:30 4 days a week & 8-5:15 the other day

Wednesday evenings & Sunday evenings seem to be the worst

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