Aarghh-ds1 dithering about going to uni. Any advice?

[WhatAgainAlready]

Ds1 has accepted a place to do Archaeology at uni. It wasn't his first choice (either university or course) but he didn't get the grades he needed for his first choice. He wants to do a Law conversion afterwards.

However- he is now having doubts about the course. His original chosen course was History, but had become disillusioned with the topic and would rather do Politics (which he did at A level). He is also concerned about the money- we are subbing him a reasonable amount, which will cover food and some basic necessities, but not going out etc. He is expected to get a job to cover these extra expenses. Obviously we wouldn't see him go short, and he knows this, but he is still worried.

The added problem is that his father died unexpectedly in March of this year. He put aside the grieving process to concentrate on his exams, but as I mentioned before, he didn't get the grades he wanted (he was predicted three As). I think he needs more time to grieve properly. He hasn't been sleeping well and has talked about returning to the doctor for a repeat prescription of anti-depressants.

My own gut feeling is that he should defer for a year, retake his exams, and get a part-time job to save up for the following year. But I don't know enough about the process of retaking/reapplying for university/cancelling student loans etc etc. He has already phoned the university to see if he can swap onto the Politics course and been refused. I know there sometimes students can swap after they start, but how likely is it, having already been refused?

Any advice anyone could give me is very welcome- we have no problem with him staying at home, obviously, but I do want to try and give him the best advice possible to make an informed decision. At the moment he is vacillating depending on who he speaks to.

It sounds like you have all had a very tough year. I am so sorry for your loss.

In my experience it can work out well if a student goes to a different uni or does a different course but equally it can be a disaster.

One colleague missed his grades and went to a uni that he didn't like and did poorly. He has regretted this for 20 years.

It does sound as if a year out would be a very good idea for DS. He will have time to retake some papers and to think through his options. If he can get a job and save that will ease his money worries a bit too.

One more year before uni really doesn't matter, and indeed can be a very good thing. It isn't worth rushing into the wrong course.

It sounds like a year out could be a good idea. It sounds as though he is thinking that the course is a second best option. If he takes a year out he he could do a lot more research about different Uni options and find something that really excites him. If they are a bit disappointed about their results it can take a little time for them to readjust their expectations but it doesn't mean he won't be able to find a course that he is really excited about.
One of my DC went to their insurance choice and now thinks it is a much better choice than his original firm choice I think it's a normal reaction.
It's also so much easier to look for courses with known results.

All the kids I know who have taken gap years have benefitted from them.

I hope it all works out for him.

Oh thank you Cerisier. I really appreciate your comments.

I have misled you slightly- Ds's dad and I have been divorced for many years, so my loss isn't anything like ds's.

Your colleague's regrets are exactly what I fear for ds1. I worry, too, that the stress of uni life, doing a course he doesn't particularly want to do, will be too much for him, in addition to the unfinished grieving.

A smaller concern, although possibly still valid, is that he took Geography at A level, and it was the field work he hated most about the course. Archaeology, I'm sure, must involve a lot of field work!

It's all such a muddle.

Thank you too, NoWay.

I do agree- I think a year out could be nothing but beneficial to him.

But teenagers often tend to think that a year is a vast amount of time!

I'm so sorry, it sounds like he has had an awful year.

I agree that taking a year out would be the best plan. My DS didn't get the grades he needed for his first choice last year and took a year out working and resitting some modules. He improved his grades this year, but still not enough, so is going to a university with lower entry requirements. He could have gone there through clearing last year, but am glad he didn't as the gap year has benefitted him. He's now more mature, has saved some money and is really looking forward to going.

A year out at this age can be very beneficial. To be honest they're all going to be 68+ before they reach state retirement age so why not have a year out now to take stock.

I hope it all works out.

Definitely a year out would be good, and easier to do for History than if you're doing science-based courses where you may become rusty on important elements of your subject. Certainly trying to change course once you've started shouldn't be relied upon as an option.

As far as loans are concerned, the money isn't released by the Student Loan Company until the university has confirmed attendance, so that's one less thing for you to worry about.

That's good news about the SLC, Scholes- thank you for that.

You're all confirming what I think, tbh- that a year out would be good for him. But I'm wary of stating my opinion too firmly, as I don't want to sway him into doing something he doesn't really want to do.

I'll look into the bereavement counselling Precious- it wasn't an option I had thought of, although he did have some counselling at school in the weeks immediately following his dad's death.

Thanks everyone for your help.

I would take a year out. Whilst archaeology looks exciting on tv, having studied it myself it is fairly dull unless you are really into it. Better to wait a year and do something you really want to do. Doing a law degree would save the cost of a conversion too.

I'm another one in the have a year out camp.

A job would enable your DS to save something towards his university costs and, if he was able to get a job doing something relevant towards his degree, it would surely help his application.

That's a good point actually, about getting a job with some relevance to his future degree/career. I'll point that out to him.

Still no decision. It's almost as if he's waiting for someone to decide for him!

It is a tough decision, would speaking to a teacher or careers counsellor help?

He's waiting for a call back from the Head of his sixth form as we speak. (Type?? ) I'm hoping she can help him come to a decision. She was absolutely brilliant all the way through the difficult times for him.

Which reminds me- I should write a letter to the school thanking them for all their hard work.

As an ex archaeology student here I'd also add only do it if you love it. I'm a historian by nature and I loved the history element of my degrees but struggled with the archaeology element. Some courses are more science based than others - are there more history options he could pick?

Is there something he might like to do during a year out? Learning a language, ski season, gain a sports coaching qualification. Something that might either help an eventual degree or boost his term time/vacation earning potential.

Right now he thinks he's going to go after all, but he hasn't spoken to his HoY yet.

Tomorrow may be another change of mind.

I wish I could shake the feeling that it's a mistake to go- he seems to be talking himself into it.

I'll have another chat with him and offer up the suggestions about jobs for the year off, I think.

Another archaeology graduate here - I loved A level geography and loved the field work element of my degree, going on to work in that field and would have to say that without that, he may find the archaeology degree not that inspiring. Far better, I think, to have the year out, as others have advised, acquire other skills or get a job and save some money, etc, and reapply for a course that he really does want to do.

If he is sure that he wants a career in the law, he has another option to qualification: Level 4 Apprenticeship in Legal Services. See: www.cilex.org.uk/careers/careers_home/school_leavers/apprenticeships/level_4_legal_apprenticeships.aspx