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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

Reading weeks!

45 replies

Bonsoir · 28/02/2014 18:30

DSS1 at Bristol has reading weeks - basically a lecture/tutorial free week in the middle of term. Sounds like half-term to me. His Christmas and Easter holidays are three weeks long, as opposed to the four weeks I had (at the same university) a generation ago. So basically the holidays have been rearranged.

He wants to come home for his forthcoming reading week. The problem is that it does not coincide with his brother and sister's half-term and everyone here in Paris will be at work/busy. I am none too keen on having him hanging around at home all day getting under my feet but he would much prefer to be here than at his mother's (where there is no-one to keep him company).

Am I being terribly mean to feel resentful about this?

OP posts:

Best1sWest · 01/03/2014 12:10

Mine often comes home for reading week. I think it's quite normal if the uni allows it. In fact she's home on Monday.

Original poster

Bonsoir · 01/03/2014 12:14

UpTheChimney - because I need the time on my own, alone, to do stuff I cannot do when other people are around. I'm extremely busy in term time and having someone knocking round the house (which I had a lot of last year when DSS1 was revising, then later waiting to go to university etc) is really inconvenient.

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Bluestocking · 01/03/2014 12:28

Your posts do sound really irritated. I sympathise - it's awful when you know you won't be able to be on your own to get on with things in peace. Can you not send him to his mother's? Or give him ten euros and send him to the cinema?

Original poster

Bonsoir · 01/03/2014 12:41

Bluestocking - I am really irritated, you are right! DSS1 is very conscientious and has many qualities but he likes a lot of attention and so is hard work to have around!

I think I am going to tell DP that he has to tell DSS1 that he has to stick to his original plans and stay at his mother's.

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Original poster

Bonsoir · 01/03/2014 12:43

Alternatively DP can take DSS1 to his office with him and see how it feels like to have him in his personal space all day long.

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Shootingatpigeons · 01/03/2014 12:44

My DD was home last week but working hard though never got changed out of her pyjamas. It is very ad hoc whether she has come home in reading weeks, she is now in her third year, depends whether they schedule labs, tests etc. As it happens she had a lot of written work to do and just preferred a bit of mouse (they have had a bit of an infestation) and flatmate squalor free home comfort. It was lovely to have her here though she barely left her desk and computer.

I think humanities etc. subjects are more likely to have reading weeks free but only so they can do what it says in the title!

One thing that has shocked me, both returning to uni myself and for my DD, is that courses only run in the first two terms, at two University of London institutions at least. Third term is just for revision and exams and then they are free, usually by the end of May. DD often revises at home. So you may have this problem in spades after Easter!

Bluestocking · 01/03/2014 12:56

Bonsoir, I think you should go with your instincts on this one. His birth parents need to man up and deal with young Master Needypants!

Original poster

Bonsoir · 01/03/2014 12:57

ShootingAtPigeons - yes, I had already worked out that lectures and tutorials basically shut up shop by Easter . DSS2 has got his Première bac exams this summer so I definitely don't want DSS1 around talking to him until late at night, keeping us all awake with 2am showers etc.

OP posts:

MaeMobley · 01/03/2014 12:59

Actually I think taking him to the office is not a bad idea!

Original poster

Bonsoir · 01/03/2014 13:02

Thinking back, a year ago DP did take DSS2 to the office for a week during the holidays. DSS1 needed to revise in peace and DSS2 refused the myriad offers of holidays we offered him because he didn't want to go away. He basically wanted to lie around playing with his telephone and winding his brother up (he was in the full throes of the worst teenage years at that point) so DP had him do work experience in his accounting dept.

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wordfactory · 01/03/2014 14:01

YANBU Bonsoir... the trouble is a lot of students treat reading week like a holiday. And it's really not meant to be.

For one thing, will he be able to cart all that reading home to Paris? A lot of students need access to the library for their required reading.

Second, you need to set out your stall for the Summer term, or you might have him under your feet for the duration.

If he can do his work from Paris and you don't feel able to say no, then ensure it's business as usual for you. By all means make him welcome but ensure he sorts himself out as much as possible and schedule as many things for yourself that week than involve you being out of the house!

UptheChimney · 01/03/2014 14:16

I think you're going to have to ignore, ignore, ignore a needy almost-adult. Think of it as a necessary part of his education, and that you're doing a favour to current/future boy or girlfriends.

Original poster

Bonsoir · 01/03/2014 14:31

wordfactory - I'm using this experience (and this thread and the very many useful contributions - thank you all) to work out how to anticipate future requests for term-time visits. TBH I don't think it is doable while DSS2 is here FT and working towards his bac and I am pretty sure DP will of the same mind once I have sat him down and discussed the implications fully. Term time is very full on for all of us - I have lots of activities that happen in term time and meetings I host in my home.

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LadyLapsang · 01/03/2014 15:01

DS has never come home in reading week, but if he wanted to he would be welcome, it's his home. Having said that, however, I would be very sad if I thought DS had to 'request' to come home. Obviously some times are more convenient than others, we could be abroad with work or on holiday or just very busy, but he just takes us as he finds us. Likewise, in the holidays he may stay over with friends and has his own work / social commitments.

Whyjustwhy · 01/03/2014 16:20

I wonder how other families manage when they have younger DC studying for exams? Oh, I know, they just deal with it.

I feel very sad that you expect him to negotiate whether its convenient to visit his family, specially in his first year away and living in another country.

wordfactory · 01/03/2014 16:55

whyjustwhy I'm sure other families do just manage...but it's better to provide optimum revision environment where possible, surely?

There is absolutely no reason on God's Green Earth why this young man needs to come home during term time for long tranches to be looked after by his Step Mother. He could easily stay with his Mum or split his time - but the reality is he wants spoiling.

Plus, I believe Bonsoir lives in a flat. That makes a big difference to how one feels about having a young adult lolling about chatting and eating for days at a time.

And obviously, this isn't her son. I know she has looked out for him and his welfare to the best of her ability but in terms of personal space, this is very different to sharing space with your own child. And her DH will be at work all day, and his siblings in school, so it will be just her and him all day long. It's a bit much don't you think?

fussychica · 01/03/2014 16:57

Mine has never come home for reading weeks - probably can't be arsed to make the 4/5 hour train journey. With LadyLapsang on this one.

Whyjustwhy · 01/03/2014 17:58

"Optimum revision environment"? Seriously?
If you are looking for that I suggest you would do better to look in a school or a library!

And I do understand that coming home for the whole week might not be in the students best interests. Indeed I suggested earlier on this thread that he/they look at changing his ticket so that he's back for a few days only.

Original poster

Bonsoir · 01/03/2014 18:00

There is no library or school to revise in here... Revision is always going to be at home.

We sent DSS2 to his mother's FT when DSS1 needed to revise here for his bac.

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mumeeee · 01/03/2014 18:38

When DD2 was at uni she did have reading weeks. She came home for some but not all of them. She always brought work home with her as she was expected to do her assignments. and do some studying. DD1 didn't have reading weeks but some of her friends on other courses did and most of them went home which is the same as DD3 is now finding.

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