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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

Anyone got a yr12 head in the sand about the future

32 replies

roisin · 13/10/2013 17:37

ds1 got astonishingly good results for GCSEs and could go anywhere or do anything, but he really has no clue what he wants to do.

He is not doing any research or finding out or sorting out work experience or anything. I know he's got a year before applications, but it will soon whizz by.

Any tips on how to get him motivated?

I think he thinks that I will do it, because we sorted out schools etc; but I won't. This one is clearly his decision.

OP posts:

webwiz · 13/10/2013 17:50

Well I've been telling DS not to worry about the next stage. He's enjoying his subjects, doing well and living in the now which after the stresses of year 11 is great.

Leaving it till after Christmas won't do any harm and one term of head in the sand isn't a bad thing then at least he'll have a better idea how his A level subjects are going.

rightsaidfrederick · 13/10/2013 18:01

It's likely that the school will light rockets up arses once the current Y13s have got their UCAS applications underway.

Perhaps you could try taking him to an open day at a decent but nearby uni, to try and make it feel a bit more 'real' / give him something to aim at? At the moment it probably sounds dreadfully far off for him. There's a useful calendar here www.opendays.com/calendar/

Work experience isn't necessary for the vast majority of courses out there. It's only when courses are very vocational (e.g. medicine) that work experience starts to play a big role. For academic subjects like politics, work experience is neither necessary nor expected.

Ultimately though, if he doesn't know what to do at uni then a gap year might not be a bad option. Otherwise you could find that he's on a course he can't stick for three years, and either fails or drops out as a result. Not an ideal situation!

Original poster

roisin · 13/10/2013 20:20

Thanks. I've no objection to him doing a gap year if he wants, if he has a plan of something he wants to do. But I fear he would just want to doss about and do nothing!

Maybe he'll get a burst of inspiration at some point soon...?!

OP posts:

rightsaidfrederick · 13/10/2013 22:55

Well whether or not he'd sit on his arse for 14 months is something that you and he know far better than I do, but I would suggest that there are ways of prodding people into getting jobs (like cutting off financial support and charging rent, if truly necessary). It should be noted that universities don't like people who sit on their arses for 14 months (it doesn't really make you look like the self-motivated adult that you need to be at uni).

At the same time, there are student finance implications to dropping out due to improper planning / research / motivation. Essentially, you get to mess up once (be that dropping out during / after first year, or having to repeat a year) and then you have to start paying for the 'extra' years yourself, upfront. Hence, it's worth trying to get it right first time.

In all honesty though, if he can't be motivated to research uni courses, is he really going to be motivated enough to do his work at uni, when no one is leaning on him to do anything?

Kez100 · 14/10/2013 11:24

Has he literally just started A levels? My very motivated DD wasn't even looking then, she was head down trying to get a decent grade in her first assignment.

She started looking in the summer term of year 12 when she knew how she was doing and where her strengths lie. She sent off for lots of prospectuses and worked her way through them and websites over the summer between 12 and 13.

Once school/college and peers start looking I am sure he will.

mindgone · 14/10/2013 11:55

What were his GCSE results, out of interest?! I would just encourage him to work hard, do his favourite subjects, and see where that naturally leads him. Best of luck.

UptheChimney · 14/10/2013 13:46

But I fear he would just want to doss about and do nothing

If that is his world view at the moment, please, please, please have him do a gap year. University is NOT the place to doss, nor to go to if you don't really want to be there, above all other options or possibilities. At least have pity on the other students who have to put up with the dossers!

wordfactory · 14/10/2013 18:00

I think for many young people, the thought of what next looms large.

We assume it will all be terribly exciting, and for some it will. However, for others, it will seem like a huge decision. Too much choice and all that.

Original poster

roisin · 14/10/2013 21:04

Sorry, I should elaborate: he always does what he needs to and works hard at school. I'm sure there are a large range of uni courses that he wold enjoy and get stuck into. He would also be aiming for something very challenging at a top uni, and I'm fairly certain that he would work hard once there, not "be a dosser". He's pretty much self-motivated now and manages to get everything done that he needs to, plus have fun with friends, pursue hobbies and do some voluntary work too.

He is a summer baby and just started yr12, so in some ways is quite apprehensive of this next big step.

OP posts:

Bonsoir · 14/10/2013 21:27

We are taking DSS2 on a tour of universities next week (half-term). We did this for DSS1, who is now safely tucked up in his hall of residence, at his Y12 (equivalent, because we are in France) autumn half-term and it was definitely a good starting point. DSS2 is more mature than DSS1 was at the same stage so we are doubling the number of universities!

wordfactory · 15/10/2013 08:36

roisin I think for students who are likely to get very good grades, the choice is almost endless, and that can be daunting.

What shall I study? Where shall I go?

For a seventeen year old with no idea what they want to do for the rest fo their life (and why should they at that age?), there will be no obvious path. And it may be that they are equally able in quite a few disciplines.

An embarressment of choice, as it were. For a young person who actualy might not have made any big choices in the past, given the treadmill that school academia is in reality.

Also, the fees involved must weigh heavily. Whether their parents are stumping up, or they're taking a loan, I'm sure most young people take the whole thing very seriously. No one wants to waste theirty grand, do they?

wordfactory · 15/10/2013 08:36

FWIW, the HT at DS uber selective school says this feeling is common .

FuckyNellItsHalloween · 15/10/2013 08:44

Bloody hell my dd has only just started a levels! Should we really be looking at uni already?

It's too soon

Bonsoir · 15/10/2013 08:45

IME, actually physically visiting universities when students are around (as opposed to on open days) is very helpful because projection (as in "I would like to be like them) is a very important part of a young person's planning for the future. My DSS1 was very reluctant to go on a tour of universities, yet when we walked into the first one, which was King's College, on a bright sunny autumn day and he saw the fantastic location on the Thames and lots of very-presentable-but-not-nerdy students sitting around in the upstairs cafeteria poring over their iBooks he broke into a huge smile, despite himself.

Over 18 months, he visited a huge range of HE options in England and France and that instinctive, gut feeling of "Can I see myself here?" was really important in guiding himself towards the right choice of location. And when you start narrowing down the location, you are already half way there. And subject choice isn't necessarily as hard as all that, providing you help your DC project into the future and he/she realises the lifestyle implications of different academic paths.

FuckyNellItsHalloween · 15/10/2013 08:45

We are supposed to be redecorating her room soon. Might as well not bother now

FrauMoose · 15/10/2013 15:51

I think the whole thing is a treadmill and - as a parent of someone in Y12 - I do not think my own child is ready to start making any decisions about future courses. She is beginning to get used to A-level study and (also a summer baby) to being 16 and to having more independence. I would much rather she took a gap year than got automatically funneled along into university. (Though if it's going to be a gap year, I'd want her to think about how she wanted to make use of the year.)

Bonsoir · 15/10/2013 18:15

I agree that children at the beginning of Y12 are not yet one bit ready to start making decisions about future universities and courses. But they are ready to start gathering information. Frankly, there is so much to consider that the whole process is like one million course meal - there is an awful lot to digest, and you need to do it slowly, with lots of pauses for breath and burps

webwiz · 15/10/2013 18:28

I think at this stage they should be enjoying sixth form and if they want to look at universities and information that's fine and if they don't that's fine too. It's way too early to be worried.

circular · 16/10/2013 07:20

Roisin probably a very obvious question, but do his A level choices give any clues into what he might want to pursue? Is there more of an arts or science bias? Early days yet, but if he is doing a mix to keep options open, is there anything he already prefers?

I suspect as soon as the yr13s UCAS ate out of Tge way, the yr12s will become the focus. At DD1s school, they have
vertical tutor groups in 6th form, so just seeing all the yr13s
discussing UCAS applications etc is making it seem much
more real already.

Good advice re an early University visit. We already have
an open day booked for half term weekend. Although DD1 does know what subject she wants to study (not changed since age 12 now) but lots of options that need narrowing down. Also a summer baby, not sure if she even wants to go away, so this visit is a large campus, anout 2 hours away, one of the best for her subject, and more of an aspirational choice. She wasn't over keen on going when I
first suggested it (muttered something about just tell me if
you want me to leave home) but since booked, have
caught her on the website looking at course content and
campus, as well as other university sites and virtual tours. Baby steps and all that.

Unless you have older DC, many would never have seen a campus before.

Original poster

roisin · 16/10/2013 08:04

He's doing Maths, Further Maths, Physics, Chemistry and Biology: but that still leaves lots of possibilities for degree subject choices!

He has visited Oxford, which was dh's uni, as a tourist and Cambridge; and has had loads of talks and events in school from various unis. But he hasn't booked or been on an actual open day, which I guess is the next step.

OP posts:

Bonsoir · 16/10/2013 08:07

Engineering?
Economics?
Natural Sciences?

claraschu · 16/10/2013 08:12

My son didn't know what he wanted to study, and he ended up going to the US, where you have 2 years of uni to keep options open and take any classes you want.

I think quite a few teenagers still aren't ready to make a choice, and, for them, the US system makes sense.

FrauMoose · 16/10/2013 08:14

I am a slack parent then. Very struck by my stepdaughter telling me how many of her peers didn't want to be at university and didn't enjoy it there. It's just their parents and teachers had told them that's where they had to be, and shoved them into one choice or another.

I am leaving it all to my daughter for the time being. And her school. Not that I won't get involved in discussions, if I am asked.

beachyhead · 16/10/2013 08:27

I know this might be a very basic question, but as my pfb has just gone into Y12, I haven't done this bit before.... How do you find out which universities are best for which courses? I'd be quite interested in showing her various uni's versus various art colleges. She may do Art, or History of Art or a combination, but not sure where to start. I know here school has an excellent careers office, but as you have said above, they are focussing on the Y13's at the moment....

wordfactory · 16/10/2013 08:30

beachy the internet is your friend.

A few google searches should bring up some of the best places for study. And there's MN.

A thread asking that question, might result in some good advice to at least send you in the right direction .

Art is wells erved in London, of course. Central, Goldsmiths etc.

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