3 days before results and DD thinks she's made the wrong course & uni choices

[amumthatcares]

We had a lot of 'discussions' when DD was choosing her firm and insurance (she wanted poor performing uni in a party city v good uni in a quieter city - in the end she firmed the good uni) She had known for some considerable time what degree she wanted to do...having chosen GCSE's and A levels that were relevant to it.

Initially, last week, she hit us with 'I wished I'd firmed the other uni' and she said that even if she got into her firm she would decline and apply the next year to the poorer uni. We were obviously disappointed but said lets wait and see what happens on the 15th.

There is another good performing uni in the party city but it doesn't do the degree she initially chose, so she has now come up with 'I don't think I've chosen the right degree' and has suggested doing a degree that this uni does do. It would mean her taking a gap year and applying to this uni next year. It seems to me she is just hell bent on getting to the party city, regardless of uni and degree and that she thinks she needs to placate us by suggesting the good uni, which makes me think she isn't making any of her decisions for the right reasons.

What is the feasibility of her starting her initial degree choice if she gets into her firm but if she hates it, (and I'm clinging on to the hope she wouldn't once she was there) she could pull out and apply next year to the other (good) uni and do an alternative degree. Would she get funding if she did this? Any comments/advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm absolutely at the end of my tether with her over this tbh!

If she goes and hates it she has liability for a years fees and possibly accommodation costs for a year, just a term if you are lucky. She still has to get a place elsewhere but that's probably the least of the problems.

Some of my friends have children who dropped out and went elsewhere, it's an expensive mistake. Better to have a gap year if she's doubtful.

Any possibility that she might be eligible for the better university in her party town through adjustment?

It might just be nerves as results day approaches thats giving her the wobbles. But if she has genuine doubts it might be better to get her results and then consider what she really wants to do even if that means a gap year. University is too expensive to make mistakes over and a gap year may help her to mature a little and consider that she is supposed to be taking a degree and not just partying.

I wondered if there was an element of nerves but think that as she is prepared to decline her firm if she gets her grades it is more about being in the party city.

already would she get funding for a further 3 years for a different degree if she started the first year and dropped out (in effect having 4 years funding)? Also, is adjustment the same as clearing? She has researched a little about clearing for the good party uni but accommodation is sparse and shared private rented is pretty crappy.

If she drops out of one degree to start another she will nly get three years total funding, not four.

Adjustment is kind of the opposite of clearing - if you get better grades than expected you can sometimes get considered for things you didn't originally accept (or possibly even apply for, not sure of the details). It's worth reading through as much of the UCAS web pages as you can face to try to get your head around the posibilities!

Usually you can get funding for the length of your course plus one year. So if she started at one uni then dropped out, she would be eligible for student finance. But it is a lot of money to lose.

Regardless of the quality of the uni, if she is not sure about the course then she is unlikely to do well. So at this stage, try and get her to really think about this. Sometimes DC who 'know' what they want to do early, don't think hard enough about their applications (that is you, DS1), and it might well be that a change of direction is really the right thing.

After she knows what she wants to study, then focus on the where. Don't get too fixated on where. Many 'good' unis are worse that the 'poor' ones, it is often a dept rather than university thing. The MN jury in particular often have a really odd sense of university ranking that has little relevance in the real world!

But at the end of the day, if uncertain, go for a gap year (or two).

Could she take a gap year and move to the party city. If she can get a job she will have more money to party and might just miss student life.

Your dd sounds confused about what she wants. If she were my daughter I would be suggesting that she take a gap year and reapply with her results in the bag (hopefully!).

Seriously, having completely ballsed up my higher ed options back in the day because I rushed into a course immediately post A levels, a gap year is the best option.

If she's this all over the place now it can only end in tears and aggro for everyone.

always nice to have confirmation so yes, they can have 4 years funding. If they screw up one year they still have enough for a 3 year course. You can confirm this with Student Finance if you need to. Adjustment means if you get better grades than were required for your firm choice you can see if another university (that wanted higher grades) will take you.

If she was mine I'd encourage a gap year, make her get a job and she can reapply this year. My teen has a summer job that is not exactly inspiring. It has made them more appreciative of the potential for a better job later and of the opportunity to go to university.

If she insists on going this year keep telling her that it's not the university that determines whether you have a good time but the friends you make there. She will find party people anywhere.

It looks like the fundamental thing is the city. That is her choice and tbh its better to be where you feel you will get more of what you want. Uni is about more tgan the course -its about developing a life and personality. In bigger cities you can do more and in my case I just ended up doing that 'more' after uni. True I was older and had a bank of pals from my quiet town uni that made it easier...

I would advise a serious look at her motivations for the degree and city.. not judgementally but seriously.

You don't say what subject(s) so its harder to work out what the logic might be. Perhaps that might help?

Thanks guys. Her inital subject was Criminology - Leicester Uni having the best one of the best departments at undergrad. She is now suggesting Sociology (she has done this at GCSE & A level and excelled at it. It is her all time favourite subject). I do think though that her priority is to get to the party city. She has then looked for a subject she can do at the better uni (regardless of what it is) so that mum and dad are not too disappointed about giving up the good uni she already firmed. I do realise it is her decision to make but no parent wants to see their DC make their choices for the wrong reasons, especially when so much money is involved. I would add that she already spends a lot of time in the party city (130 miles away).

Already thanks for that. This confirms that she does have the option to try the initial choice and could well just love it

As others have said, if she goes and drops out, she will still have funding for a further 3 years of study. This means she will be able to do a degree, but be unable to do an optional placement year, or retake a year if she needs to. She may also be liable for the full year's accomadation costs, but she will only get a loan whilst she is enrolled at the uni. Could you absorb these costs if she decides to drop out?

I can understand why you are unhappy with her, but she is the one who has to live there and do the course for three years. She will probably not achieve her potential if she is miserable. Equally, it could just be nerves about moving away, especially if she is more familiar with the other city.

I would try and talk through her worries, without judgement if possible. Try not to make her feel like your heart is set on her taking one course of action. If she is so unsure, it may be better for her to take a year out, maybe using it to earn some money.

I would be advising her to take a gap year. Going to University and dropping out for whatever reason is expensive and disheartening (I did it myself).
Can't she try to get a job in the party city for a while? It will help her to find out what she really wants too.

Looks like the majority opinion is to take a gap year, so I will talk to her again tell her she has my support if this is what she decides.

I have suggested that if she does take a gap year, she could move to the party city and get a job down there while she waits. Maybe her whole perception of the place would change once she was living a 'normal' day to day life there and not just going there to party, party, party.

I think the suggestion of a gap year and a job in the party city is the best one.

Although university is about more than studying she does have to actually get some work done or it is a waste of time. At the moment the idea of studying seems to have gone out of the window in favour of socialising. I would be concerned if one was my DCs was approaching university with that mindset.

DD1 has just graduated and she knows plenty of people who have ended up with disappointing degrees because they spent too much time partying. When the results come through somehow all that fun doesn't seem so worthwhile.

Have you looked at what difference the change in university would make to her employment prospects. I work in law and hugely different values are attached to law degrees from different universities. Degrees from some universities will really help you to get an interview where as degrees from others would require a pretty good CV to get to interview. Going to a city you like is important, but she really needs to consider why she is doing the degree in the first place and what she hopes it will lead to.

One other point, IME, the fun of being a student lies not so much in how fun the city is, but how fun the student body is and how much of a student night life there is.

Exactly Goosey I've had that conversation with her. The firmed uni has an amazing student life (she knows students there), whereas the party city has no student union, on campus bars etc...there mantra is 'the city is the students union'

sorry.... no campus bars and their lol

she doesn't sound mature enough to study. That's fine, she's only a teen, but why waste your money on the first year of a degree that she will probably fail because all she wants to do is drink and dance?

defer for a year and let her get work to fund the drinking and dancing. (don't fund a long holiday, she can drink and dance in the UK). Then she can decide if she really wants to go to uni.

My honest answer is to pick a place she will be happy.

A degree from a uni is the same as another, I know law from cambridge students with no jobs, whereas I know law from 'poly's' with that evasive training contract.

Some of my friends work in the SU in the party Uni! I don't think they'd be happy to hear that they are invisible

I went to the Uni when it was a poly, and decided after the first year that the course and I didn't suit. I then went to the more respected Uni across the road. Which does have a large campus/bars and SU.

I agree with the majority. A gap year hopefully will focus her mind, just bear in mind if she does live in party town and decide to go to Uni there, she might have an internal conflict between the student friends and townie friends. I certainly didn't make a huge number of friends at the second uni, most of my friends remained those I'd made during the first year at poly.

Can I ask what the cities are and I might be able to give advice on accomodation?

Really disagree that a degree from one uni is much the same as another. From an employer's perspective that is absolutely not true.

Goosey Yes, employers have different views on unis, but not all employers think the same way! Some have preferred unis, but it varies considerably and some RG unis are less successful that some RG unis.

A move from criminology to sociology is not that problematic though, they draw on many of the same theories so there is a considerable overlap. Many sociology programmes also allow you to study some criminology as part of your degree even. So if this is what she is thinking, I would not be worried too much about that.

Goosey Yes, not all universities are equal, but for most employers, the degree classification is more important- especially if the classification is less than a 2.1. A first from a less well regarded university, plus good, relevant experience tends to make students more employable than a 2.2 from a better regarded university and less experience.

I am sure some employers only look at the university name, and law is one of those professions where this seems more common, especially if you want to make it in the bar, or in a big firm.