Looking for the helpful Cambridge admissions tutor who posted a while age..

[seeker]

......if you're around, could I ask a couple of questions, please?

I agree that the extra-curricular vs. hard work issue is difficult to resolve: there is undoubtedly a conflict of interest for all but the extremely talented. My take is that I am letting DD do as much enrichment as possible at primary level (when she has time) and hoping that she can cut back (if necessary) in secondary, while still having strong enough bases to pick up on stuff later on.

I should mention that of course if one loves ones area of study the hard work doesn't seem like hard work at all but is fun and interesting, but those doing loads of gcse and barely skimming the surface of 1-12 subjects can't be expected to realise this. Also for the brainy children the issue is not how to fit it all in but that they want to do more and more cos they soak it up like a sponge.

Another, probably irrelevant point I wish to make is regarding the ethnic minorities of colour. The Ivy league and Oxbridge, especially in the humanities, but also in other subjects, are convinced that any student of colour with excellent academic results has been a)pushed by parents, is b)narrow minded and intense and c) has no leadership qualities or vision and d)will not contribute to college life. For these students I would like to suggest that extra currics should demonstrate the (true) antithesis.

Sorry for the long post, I am ill at home and have nothing better to do than pontificate on other peoples lives. I must go and do something useful: I do hope it works out well for your child.

Once again, thank you all.
I do wish I could resist the need to defend myself- but I can't. If I need information I go to the most expert person I can easily find, either in RL or online. I have used mumsnet to find out the best way to make meringues, to treat mud fever in horses, to wash a silk and wool dress. So if I want to find out about university admissions it only seemed sensible to ask the person on here who had shown expertise. Particularly as dd was off school for 3 weeks, so wouldn't be able to talk to th appropriate person at school. But if it amuses people to think that makes me "pushy", then so be it. It is a bit tedious, though. I will remember never to ask a similar question again, though.

oh don't be daft

rise above, float on

etc

I always go to the source too, tis only sensible.

seeker of course it is alright to ask. Make your own judgement about what bits of miscellaneous advice to take forward. I dont think you are pushy, and hey would it matter very much if you were? Better to be called pushy and make an effort for one's precious children than to take a back seat and be all cool an uninterested and live with the forever guilt of not having done enough when it mattered. And of course it matters.

My lovely DD tells me how nice it is that I am interested. Though I think she says that cos she is lovely. DS grumps like mad and says he wants to run away when I mention anything remotely connected to academe. Children are different. I think university application is a bonding and a growing away lovely time actually because choices do have to be made and they are the first important personal choices, shaped by achievement, and family, and personal desires and aspirations, so there is lots of discussion and finding out and so forth.

seeker you are being very very daft!

funny I find my DC's acadmic careers really interesting. And I approach the prospect of where they will go to university and what theyw ill study with oodles of excitement.

No one here has said seeker should not have asked the question.
No one here has said seeker should not be this involved.

She's just having a huge sense of humour failure ...

I'm neither cool nor uninterested. But I know what it's like to have your mother die before you've even left university. And I know that had my mother brought me up to reply on her for everything rather than take control of my own life, then I'd have been even more up shtako creek than I was when she died because I'd have been not only sadder than I can put into words even all these years later, but also COMPLETELY UNEQUIPPED to go forth and forge a life for myself.

And actually, funny, however much poking around I had done in my DD1's school bag, it wouldn't have stopped her breaking her hand or being assaulted. So, actually, the things that tend to make everything go tits up can't be foreseen and forestalled anyway.

Actually word, I did, I said that her DD should have (and she will get this even if nobody else does) 'run and found out'. And I strongly believe that's the way it should have happened, actually, but I would never have said anything if she hadn't posted 'I'm not a pushy parent'.

However now I know I'm cool and interesting I will withdraw from this, as there seems little point in continuing and, I've never been called either cool or interesting before so I want to savour the moment. I'm normally the person with the incredibly cool friends, not the actual cool person!

Ah. I didn't spot that!

Okay...

No one (except one poster) has said seeker shouldn't have asked the question.

Word - I was just asked a question about the maths exams on the GCSE thread, and I had absolutely NO IDEA. :( All that business about Having the exam spec, having the correct syllabus and access to marking schemes - nope. And I'm reasonably sure DD1 doesn't actually know which bits of the 4 separate papers go to make up which element of the double award either (because I asked her, yesterday, and she had nothing useful to tell me except that I was foolish to call it a rest cure). I'm fairly confident they plonk some maths in front of her, she does it (or, if it's a 'measure this line' question (ie one requiring skills she has never and will never possess), she doesn't do it) and that's that.

And I am not saying my way is the best way, but I am saying its not the worst way you can be either. And when bad stuff happens, as it has done, it becomes evident that being a micro parent wouldn't have helped anyway.

Russians yes indeed there are things that we all know we can't help our DC with. And I bet there are lots of things that we only think we can, when the reality is we're just mithering at the edges.

When DD pulled out of school to do this show, I thought I'd keep it all under control for her vis a vis her academic work and other EC stuff. But I was fooling myself to be honest.

Word - she's only Y9. She will be fine. :)

Russian it sounds like you need a . I'm sorry about your mum.
You are right about crises. You are right about independence. Of course you are. Its what life is all about, steering between academe and extra currics, independence and supporting, coping with crises and protecting from harm. Which one of us can put our hands up and say we get it right all the time? And even if we get it right some of the time: how will that help any other individual or family?

There are common aspects of success which can be repeated. Like that odd daily fail story about CEO's asking their mums before taking important life decisions
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2289369/Were-Mummys-boys-say-bosses-Executives-admit-turning-mothers-need-help-big-decisions.html
Of course it made me wonder what the ones did who didn't have a mum alive to ask. At what point does it become a disadvantage or an advantage not to have a mum. For myself the point of it being an advantage not to have a mum or a dad still hasn't arrived.

Do you ever get that sense of knowing when a child is going to do well in exams or when they are going to do badly? Its all in the preparation. I thought seeker posted as part of the family preparing for her child's university application. Thats OK: I did the same at her stage. School says the child writes their own personal statement. This is true. So true. All the prep in the world by family cannot alter that. But it doesn't mean the family should prepare, its a mental process.

Russians I think Funny means the school will provide exam specs and sample marking schemes (but generally more for A Level) And will show children how their papers will be marked/ what buzz words or phrases they need etc.

I think few of us would know much about these, unless one felt the exam teaching was very lacking and one was keen, or if one felt fed up of the sight of bundles of crumpled paper floating round the kitchen table and was overCome by an urge to file.

I wouldn't bother with a cambridge open day as you get a good look when/if you are called to interview.

Yes, true, the school- not parents!

I did used to encourage them to do/complete the filing termly though at the end of term: I would get enough empty folders and plastics from Tesco (cheapest place): that kind of thing.

Lots of successful Oxbridge applicants neither work hard nor fill their days with stuff.

So true. It is very worrying for the mums.

The Ivy league and Oxbridge, especially in the humanities, but also in other subjects, are convinced that any student of colour with excellent academic results has been a)pushed by parents, is b)narrow minded and intense and c) has no leadership qualities or vision and d)will not contribute to college life

Well, I'm neither Oxbridge nor the US Ivy League, just RG, but this is a stereotype of universities & humanities academics' views I have never ever encountered.

www.theamericanconservative.com/articles/the-myth-of-american-meritocracy/

I don't know if you've noticed, but the US and the UK are not the same.

Yes true, thank goodness, though not dissimilar and many of the same trends appear in UK stats. I posted the link to give the detail on the stereotype which had never been encountered by upthechimney. I always feel embarrassed posting detail because it confirms levels of prejudice which are shocking but for some reason it makes me feel guilty and as if I am inciting discord.