DS has gone off the boil in first year of A Levels

[overlyconcerned]

This is my first post on mumsnet and please bear with me. My DS has never given me any cause for concern until now. He sailed through his GCSEs and has plenty of help from secondary school with aiming high and aspiring to go to university. However, he is not interested! He shows no motivation, enthusiasm or interest in studying and thinks he should just be able to play on his Xbox etc. I have spoken to him about what he wants and I'm worried that he is only going to apply to Uni to avoid us being disappointed (he would be the first member of our family to go). I have tried to explain that all we ever wanted was for him to have a choice when he leaves school ie: uni or work and therefore getting the best grades possible will give him the widest choice. I would be interested in your thoughts as I have heard so many times that boys tend to go through this stage and come out okay at the other end. However his exam results for AS levels he sat in January are due next month and he's not very hopeful of the outcome.

My ds was like this last year and eventually he left his college in April. He has now started again in Sept and is really enjoying his course. He is working hard and seems more motivated. I was a bit concerned as he is now a year behind all his mates and so they will be going to uni before him and he will be here on his on but having spoken to him it seems that of his 'group' of about 11 where at the end of gcses all were planning uni now at least 7 have decided they aren't going! I think things are changing and not really sure what will happen with ds. Does your ds have a career in mind?

Hi , I am in the same boat with my DS. He is a clever lad who did very well at G.C.S.E's but does not seem to be doing any work at the moment. He feels he does not have to revise for mock exams as they are a waste of time and this strategy has worked for his GCSE unfortunately. He did not do enough revision for his first modular exams in January and the school was on his back and I fear the results!! He wants to do physiotherapy at uni.. a very competitive course to get a place on and one that demands good grades. How can I get him to realise that with his current approach to work, he just is not going to get there. He has said to be that he is not doing enough work but this has not led him to up his game....Any help would be welcome as I am pulling me hair out!!!!!!!!

Thanks noddyholder. Glad to hear your DS is more motivated now. No DS does not seem to have a career in mind. He enjoys his subjects at school but only does the bare minimum to keep the teachers off his back. I know he gets fed up with it being assumed by everyone at school that he will go to uni when he hasn't really made up his mind yet. Does anyone else have a DC in this situation?

Hi Oldington, I know exactly how you feel. The amount of discussions/conversations we have had with DS makes me feel like pulling my hair out! I just keep hoping that something will click in his brain and he'll realise there's more to life than playing computer games! That if he decides not to go to uni he will still have to think about his future and what he wants to do. We're waiting with baited breath to see what his results are for the modules he did in January because if he does really badly this may be the catalyst for him doing some more revision in the future.

snap! My ds went through it in December! It took a month, but finally we have turned the corner and he is back on track with a vastly improved attitude as he is now determined to go to uni.

At first he was thinking of dropping out and finding an apprenticeship - we had a long conversation about that as he was really unrealistic with the amount of money he could earn....then he wanted to drop a subject already....then when he realised that the support we have always said we would give him if he was in full time education would stop and he would have to support himself he stopped acting like a spoilt brat and got on with it.

However, he was missing lessons and when he finally realised that he was about to be kicked out I think the penny dropped and he is enjoying it again (even talking about re-sitting the subject module he was on about dropping!)

It can be difficult and from experience (I teach in a school with a 6th form) a lot of lads do go through this and they do come back out of it (usually with the shock of the first module results ). I do blame the GCSE system and us as teachers to be honest as we spoon feed them in secondary, do all singing and dancing lessons etc and when it comes to A Levels they need to do the work themselves and it comes as a shock to them/not realise the amount of work they need to do

good luck xxx

went through this with dd
she did drop out during first year
had chosen sensible a levels she hated
ended up going to 6 form college vs school 6 form and is in final year of a sport course that she loves and is working hard at
hoping to go university to do sport next year

That's good to hear BiggerandBadder - I sometimes think that dropping out is always seen negatively and people don't take into account that it often requires courage and can even have a good outcome .

My DS sailed through GCSES on no work and arrongantly thought he would get top grades at AS level doing the same He got hsi wake up call at the end of year 12, resat a few exams and ended up with good A levels and a high 2:1 in Maths from a Russel Group Uni. There is hope!

Add another one here! But we've now been struggling since last October to get him to turn himself around. even the shock of his first ever D in January module hasn't done it. A2 s looming in just 2 months.
cricket balls - if this is so common - what are the answers?
Willing to try anything - even removing his phone had no effect

Thank goodness others seem to going through the same as me - I have been pulling my hair out. DS did well at IGCSE;s then completely stopped working for A levels so much so we pulled him out of school (private) this Easter just before they asked him to leave. He is now angry, blames me for being pulled out of school and will not do anything. Wont get a job, won't even think about college or Uni ( is v bright and should/could/will get top grades) wont learn to drive but hates being trapped at home. I hope this is a phase or am I going to have this black hole living shut away in his bedroom for ever.www.mumsnet.com/te/3.gif

Can you sit him down and ask him what he really wants to do? He may be feeling trapped by other people's expectations that he'll go to uni.

My DS was refused study leave during year 12 and 13 and had to go into school every day and was on after school detention more often than not. All because he made minimum effort, just enough to stop him getting kicked out of 6th form. The school knew his potential so they practically dragged him through 6th form. He was suspended for 2 days just 2 weeks before he took his A2 Levels for not handing homework in. He managed to get into university by the skin of his teeth.